to be extremely angry at this conversation.

[FSMFR]

This a name change but promise I am a regular. Dsis knows my user name. My Dsis told me about a conversation she had the other day with a cab driver. She is annoyed about it. I am annoyed about it. However, she didn't report him, at least to his firm and I think she should.

She got in the cab with a suitcase as she works partly in the South. He asked was she going away, who was that waving her off. When he found out she lived at home he told her " You need to get a good man and get married".
Dsis: Why?
CD: every nice girl needs a good man.
Dsis: Not interested ( She is gay)
CD: why not? you should have a boyfriend.
At this point rightly or wrongly she decided to burst his bubble.
Dsis: I would rather have a nice girlfriend.
CD (turns to look at her eyes out on stalks): you are one of them?
Dsis: Gay? yes.
CD:why do like girls?
Dsis: Why do you?
CD: They are pretty
Dsis: Exactly
Silence for 20 seconds
CD: So.....How do you do it?
Dsis: None of your damned business
CD: But you don't have a thing to put in.
Dsis: Stop now mate, really none of your business.
CD: Sorry love just a question.Don't mean any harm.

Reached train station, got out.
AIBU to be incensed at this?
AIBU to also wonder if she should have bothered telling him the truth?
AIBU to think she should have reported him?

I honestly don't think any intrusive question is allowable under the excuse "sorry didn't mean any harm".

He's a twat but it's nothing to get worked up over.

Some people are just nosey idiots full stop.

Anyway, do you honestly think even if he remembers the conversation that he'd admit to it if she complained?

I would have told him to mind his own business and not engaged in ANY of the conversation.

It is none of his business, but your dsis could have used this conversation to convert someone who sounds ignorant but sympathetic. Just a thought.

You're probably right worra. He wouldn't admit it and it wouldn't make a bloody difference if she did complain.
I'm just so annoyed on her behalf.
She hasn't told Mum knowing that Mum would be ready to march down and start tearing off heads also she would be annoyed at her for engaging in the conversation in the first place.

I can't put my finger on what's pissed me off the most.
The " every girl needs a good man"
or " You're one of them"
or the intrusive question about sex.

Also, I feel she shouldn't have told him the truth to save her the bother but at the same time why should she keep it to herself. She isn't ashamed.

bemybebe - I think I can see where you are coming from although it was a 10 minute journey I'm no sure quite how much she could have taught him. She is newly out and just getting used to this sort of blatant and outright curiosity. I think she was embarrassed and fairly gobsmacked.

Although saying that maybe if he is so curious he should google it not interrogate the fare in the back of his cab.

unfortunately FSMFR that is the problem, by not engaging its like you are not standing up for yourself and your beliefs, but by engaging with the bother it can just get worse.
My mum came out when i was around 14 and it seems people are naturally curious if it something they have never come across before...
However i soon got sick of all the boys asking if they could "come to my house and watch..."

I find it best to nod and smile with cab drivers. I think there must actually be a quota of crazy that the firms have to meet, the same all around the world.

I totally understand and I would not welcome anyone questioning me about my sex life, so YADefinitelyNBU, however, you both should understand human nature and for a lot of people your dsis will be the only gay person they meet and able to ask questions.

I am always questioned about my accent and in the early 90s I was getting a lot of attention (VERY tiring). Now that there are plenty of "us" around, no-one bats an eyelid.

That's the thing though. It's almost like it's acceptable; the natural curiosity.
If I don't volunteer details of mine and DHs sex life then it's rude and intrusive to ask but it's as if they are fair game.
There is also the you should have a nice man statement. Why?

"There is also the you should have a nice man statement. Why?"

Because he is ignorant.

he was a twat but she handled it well

its her choice whether she reports or not.

He should be reported, IMO. Regardless of the sexual orientation of the passenger, the driver should NOT be quizzing them on their sex lives. That's creepy! And the "one of them" is offensive! The "every girl needs a good man" is probably OK, just a bit of banter but the rest is just offensive. Curiosity is not an excuse for rudeness. I'm sure we are all curious about other peoples sex lives but most of us have the manners to keep our questions to ourselves.
Your dsis handled it very well but I think she should complain.

Sound like your Dsis was more than capable of handling him

You know, she was shocked and annoyed but I'm wondering do I do so much lurking in feminism now that it got my goat so much?

Really, it wasn't just the sex question it was the whole conversation made me

and when people hear she is 31 and living with her mum she is made to feel like a wierdo. I feel it for her.

I can't see what she would gain out of complaining. TBH I think out of 'crazy conversations taxi drivers start' it's pretty mild. I don't know what his tone was like but it seems more pure curiosity rather than disgust/anger/shock. He stopped when she told him to, the question of you don't have 'a thing to put in' is so childlike it made me laugh - I can imagine an 11yr old asking that.

But if your sis found it upsetting then I am sorry.

I used to work as a solicitor for a city Licensing Department and dealt, inter alia with taxi licensing. You could indeed complain to the Licensing Department as the comments appear to be discriminatory on sexual and sexual orientation grounds. The Licensing Authority are obliged to investigage all complaints. The problem is lack of witnesses to the conversation. It only involved words, not conduct, though you could make more out of it by pushing the sexual orientation discrimination angle.

If it is found to be a valid complaint, the taxi driver would be subjected to an evidential hearing. Your sister would be put through some quite difficult questioning. I've attended hearings where some of the allegations have been more serious and the conduct more threatning (although not enough to be police matters) and even then the drivers were let off either Scot-free, or with a slap on the wrist (short probationary period).

But - you can bet those drivers will think twice about doing the same again.