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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About the BBQ I went to last night?

78 replies

ModreB · 24/04/2011 08:47

My friend invited myself and my family to a BBQ at her house. She told us that she would buy burgers and sausages, do salad, and if there was anything else that we wanted to eat to bring it along etc etc. Pretty standard stuff really.

BUT - my son works in a butchers shop, quite a high class butchers shop. So I went along to the butchers and got quite a bit of meat that I made into kebabs with peppers, onion etc. I also got some ribs and chicken. The whole lot should have cost over £30 but I obviously got it for a lot less than that.

When we got to the BBQ, she had a load of family members there that I had not met before. All nice people, everyone getting on well. Food started to be cooked, and then brought out and passed around. The problem was, the good stuff that I had bought was passed around to her family first, and me and my family really didnt get a look in! I didnt even know that the stuff that I bought along was cooked until it was all eaten!

I ended up with 1 kebab (Not even one of the ones I made with real meat) and as many burgers as I wanted - none of my chicken, beef, pork, ribs, it had all been given to her family first!

AIBU to think that she was really taking the piss, bearing in mind she didn't know that I had got that much meat at discount? BTW - I don't tell people that I can get a discount as I don't want to be in the position where they think I can get meat cheap for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
ModreB · 24/04/2011 10:37

thumbbunny that's it exactly. Every other time, all of the food just got put out onto the communal table, and if you got lucky great. I am talking about holding back food to be given specifically to the family, not letting them take their chances along with everyone else.

And they are certainly not impoverished. Last time I looked Bankers were not on the poverty line Grin

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 24/04/2011 10:39

YABU.

beesimo · 24/04/2011 10:40

Housework

'grab it before anybody else'

This thread is getting a bit like feeding time in the hunt kennels

Laquitar · 24/04/2011 10:43

By justabout@09:07:05:
'Oh for goodness sake!
Do Mumsnetters just go to parties to be offended?'

I'm wondering the same every time i read a thread like this justabout. Sounds very hard work.

GitAwfMayLend · 24/04/2011 10:46

'grab it before anybody else' jesus do people REALLY behave like this.

Anyway, I have never been that bloody interested in food at barbecues, it's usually charred shite. Just find yourself a friendly bottle or two of wine and go and sit in the corner with mates and quaff it. Sod the food, get a kebab on the way 'ome.

noddyholder · 24/04/2011 10:50

I think its hilarious agree no one really gives a toss about the food. Anything at a bbq is a bonus. I am off to my mums for a bbq today Am taking nice sausages and have made a huge beans salad and will keep the lot under my chair in case I have to eat one of the cheapy burgers!

YusMilady · 24/04/2011 10:54

I am completely agog at this thread. You'd think we were all starving urchins, snarling over crusts. It's seriously naff to squabble, fight and fret over who's got the most/nicest food at a party. Gawd help us next Friday - there'll be fighting in the streets if someone spots a neighbour with a bigger piece of pie.

GitAwfMayLend · 24/04/2011 10:55

I usually end up squiffed just eating random bits of bread and hoovering up what remains at the bottom of bowls. And to be honest after 2 glasses of rose the sausages all look lovely, no matter what their provenance (or is that just me being a greedy git?)

I never stand there queuing for my grub Oliver stylee.

I am usually so grateful that someone else is cooking for me I am just happy with whatever I get.

noddyholder · 24/04/2011 10:57

I mainly cook from scratch and mostly decent food so am quite happy to have an excuse to eat rubbish. My mums today will be hilarious her idea of diet food is any thing vegi even if it is steeped in fat. her coleslaw has more calories than fish and chips!

GitAwfMayLend · 24/04/2011 10:58

All that which has happened this year in Egypt/Libya/Ivory Coast will be NOWT compared to the row engendered when Mandy bought a plate of Big Posh Prawns to Acacia Avenue's royal wedding party and proceeded to eat Lucy's Heston Blumentahl Waitrose sausages.

carnage but in a quintessentially english manner.

YusMilady · 24/04/2011 10:59

I wonder if Liz and Phil will get all bent out of shape when the Middletons scarf all the quiche.

heliumballoons · 24/04/2011 11:00

Well I'm off to a BBQ at my Dparents later with my DS. It has extended somewhat from the original me, DS M and D and my Sis and her DP. Now aunts/ GMother/ cousins/ Uncles etc. Everyone will just bring food and it will be cooked. Doubt anyone will know or care who bought what.

Thats the same with any BBQ our family does(about 50 of us in total)

Thing is all the food is just put on the communal table or a call is put out - anyone for ribs? etc. If you don't get one then you ask what else is on offer and earmark one of those. Grin

We are quite spoilt though as most of us are adults now but our parents still all provide the food. [bugrin]

YANBU if it was done deliberatly - but tbh it sounds like the usual way we do things.

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 24/04/2011 11:01

Just to reassure you op, my brother is a butcher in a pretty nice place and I get a good discount on some excellent meat. Most of my friends know this fact and to date I haven't struggled with hoardes of hungry carnivores banging down my door demanding cutprice cutlets.

It's okay, you can admit your discount.

hairfullofsnakes · 24/04/2011 11:03

Well I think she was quite rude - if it were my party I would make sure you had first dibs on the food you bought along!

2cats2many · 24/04/2011 11:08

BBQs aren't really about the food IMO. They're about having a couple of drinks and a bit of a laugh. As long as the children aren't hungry, the food is incidental.

It was nice of you to bring all of the food around, but you really need to get over this.

FabbyChic · 24/04/2011 11:08

id have watched it being cooked and purposefully gone over and helped myself.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 24/04/2011 11:17

I was at a BBQ last night, too ribs, kebabs and some chcken wings - as well as a box of beer, a bottle of Southern Comfort and 3 bottles of Rose :)

I managed to get 2 glasses of the Rose, a slice of garlic bread (not mine) and a slimming world sausage (again, not mine!) I hope the people who brought the sausages and garlic bread aren't baying for my blood this morning!! Blush

Truffkin · 24/04/2011 11:17

See, I think this is where you need to amend your view of how this kind of thing is supposed to go. We were at a BBQ a few weeks ago with friends and we took tortilla chips and dips, nice sausages, chicken breasts, lamb fillets and homemade burgers. I ate a packet burger on a bun, some salad and a sausage (not sure if it was one we took or not) DH ate one burger (he is more into the beer at this kind of thing Grin)

We saw one of the guys the following week when we met up for a drink and he laughingly thanked us for the dinners they had with the sausage and chicken a couple of nights in the week! We are not on the breadline and could afford to buy the food we took, so we laughed about it and then jokingly mentioned it when we got home. If I'd been really in need of something else to eat I would have thought nothing of saying, can you stick some of that chicken / burgers / lamb on for me please? I've been looking forward to it all day.

Some people just think differently and if they're your friends, surely you know this about them? Also, I don't think you can expect the host to recall exactly what everyone brought along with them. I don't think you WBU about the 'wish I'd got a sniff of the nice stuff' but think you WBU to think it was part of some elaborate plan to do you out of a few kebabs.

P.S I'm pregnant and not drinking so am fairly certain I will be munching my way through a significant amount of BBQ food whilst our mates drink more than they eat for the rest of the summer Grin

pantspantspants · 24/04/2011 11:35

Could it not have been her family member handing out the food, thinking host had brought all the food, she gave the nice stuff to the family?

OR host knowing you had connections at the butchers thought you were helping her out in providing cheap food for the party?

If you were really wanting your cut price food you should have mentioned when handing food over "oh I've not tried/really like X, Y and Z could you keep a couple back for me when serving" if nothing was said when handing food over a really don't think you can claim it as soon as all the hard works been done.

Either you brought cut price food for the party (i.e for everyone) OR you wanted host to cook your cheap dinner for you while you no doubt, drank her drink and ate her other food.

YABU.

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 24/04/2011 11:45

I'm struggling to understand why, if you're so convinced this was done on purpose, you are planning a 'next time'.

You have odd friendships.

anniepanniepears · 24/04/2011 11:45

if she is your friend could you not mention to her that you never got any of the food that you brought to her barbque and she what she says , I think she was very rude btw

houseworkwhore · 24/04/2011 12:02

For fuck sake!!!! What is it with mumsnet and people not reading posts properly!!!! I said I am super fussy and take my own food and then get it when it is cooked because I am super fussy I do this as I may not like what everyone else eats!! Good lord!

BendyBob · 24/04/2011 12:06

'I wonder if Liz and Phil will get all bent out of shape when the Middletons scarf all the quiche.' RoflGrin

RunAwayWife · 24/04/2011 12:10

YANBU I think your friend was very rude

AlpinePony · 24/04/2011 12:24

Why didn't you just say something? Confused "Hey "June", can you pass those kebabs over here please?".