To want it to get easier

[domesticungoddess]

DD now 6 months hasn't been easy. Nobaby is but I'm getting to the point where I'm exhausted.

She still wakes up every 2-3 hrs (on a good night) for breast milk despite being on three good size solid meals and on demand breast milk during the day. And is now getting up at 5.30 am every day. She goes to bed at 7pm ish. She is up for 30-60 per feed at night.

I could cope with that fine if she napped in the house in the day but she wont sleep unless I walk with her in the carrier-and wakes up if I stop. As she is getting up earlier I have to walk 4 x a day for 45-60 minutes. The hv said I should let her cry it out and sat with me-dd cried for 2 hrs (i cried too-then had to get her.).

She wont be put down in the day and is grumpy/crying a lot after being awake for more than 1.5-2 hrs-I just cant walk that much.

If she napped in the house or slept better at night it would be easier just one would be better.

Is this unreasonable? Any advice greatfully accepted. Thank you..,.

I'm suprised you can walk at all , let alone for that long holding 6month old!!!!
Bless you. I think health visitor was on the right track, dd could do with 'training' the programmes on the tv seem to show that leaving children and not talking etc does eventually work, but not sure about doing it so young, my mum always told me have 2 hard years and the rest will be easier!! she was right. I would think that little steps to change this routine are best. can someone else do walking to break the pattern of depending on you. could you just go in and tuck her in and not feed in the night she shouldn't be hungry, these sound like habit things to me not needs. No magic wand I'm afraid just grit and determanation. I have to dc and four grandchildren btw . dc will be happier in the long run if you are able to break these habbits. saying she won't do something is accepting it. she is 6 has learnt to do these things she can easily unlearn them.

just re read my post and think it sounds very harsh. am not underestimating your difficulty and don't want to be critical of you. I wish you all the best. YANBU just knackered!!!! xxxxxxx

Will she let you lie with her on the bed and go to sleep with her? She may just want to be close to you. I use to lie and sleep with my daughter when she slept and then you get a rest yourself. I used to sleep with her and lie with her whenever she wanted me to.

I never did controlled crying (my husband and I are too weak!) but in the end she grew out of it

Sounds really tough and well done on getting this far and still sounding relatively sane!

What you 'do' is completely down to your own preferences. You can wait it out, and it will eventually get better, mostly by a year old but it could take longer.

Or you can do sleep training, but you need to be able to stick it out for a few nights to give it a chance.

What absolutely will not work is cry it out - it'll kill you and your hv is mad for suggesting it. Try 'toddler taming' by Christopher green, it's got a very good explanation of controlled crying in it (leave for 2 mins, go back in and cuddle, leave for 4 mins, then 6 etc etc - only at night time, not for naps really). Has a good success rate, but not for everyone.

Or you can try pick up put down - never tried it myself, but lots of threads on it on here.

Whatever you try, be utterly consistent. And good luck, it will get better eventually anyway (you just have to make sure it gets better before you crack!).

One of my babies was unsettled like this (came as a big shock as dc 1 was a dream, sleeping through by 12 weeks etc). It is very tough, not just the exhaustion, but also the feeling that your baby is unhappy and clingy if they wont sleep in their cot/crib during the day.

I would also recommend breaking the habits she has built up- because that's what they are, habits, its not about needing food in the night, or needing to be carried until she sleeps- it's that those things have become her routine and as with anything, routines are hard to break.
In my babys case, because I was returning to work I knew I just HAD to do something, because I couldn't have coped with the broken nights and then a days work. I think it helps if you have something to force you into action in some ways. The key move forward for me' was when We started getting her up EVERY morning at the same time (6am) - suddenly she began sleeping loads better. It can be very hard to do that (I was only working 3 days, but we did this for all 7) and I freely admit I had let things slide during my maternity leave, and had let her sleep in sometimes which I really don't think helped. We found that after a tricky few days, she slept loads better, going down at 7 pm, being patted quickly back to sleep or being offered a little water in a cup if she woke and then getting up at 6am. She also seemed much more settled , as if she had started to feel at home in her cot. I always think as adults, we love getting into bed and relaxing at the end of a busy day, and its about teaching your child to learn to relax and feel safe in their sleeping environment

Have you tried a vibrating bouncy chair to get her to sleep? It worked miracles for dd1. Dd2 spent about the first 8 months hanging over my left shoulder - have still got the neck and shoulder muscles to prove it (but only on one side!). Nothing else worked - I just did EVERYTHING one handed. In that position (arms over my shoulder, head on my neck, back and legs stretched down my front - my left arm curled under her bum and up her back) I could Hoover, shop, cook etc and she wouldn't wake up. Middle of the night was breast feed her (lying in bed and dozing), transfer onto my back dd back onto my shoulder and sleep. I didn't do any of this with dd1 - didn't need to. With dd2 I did whatever got me the most sleep. I could doze during her daytime naps leaning back on the sofa propped up. We couldn't/didn't want to do controlled crying - not our choice. Didn't aim to not do it - just didn't seem right the first time they cried - some people swear by it - dd1 was very independent so wasn't necessary, dd2 was very clingy so she stayed with me all the time. Dd 2 is 4 now and just as independent now as dd1 - the different way they were as babies made no difference - I think some children just need physical contact more - it will pass. In terms of how knackered you are - do whatever works - sod health visitors etc if sleeping with dd propped up on you whilst are on a vibrating chair (rocking chair - anything that wobbles a bit - or swing your leg off the side of the sofa so that youove slightly) works then do it!

Aww no sleep is awful. I still get up through the night with DS (almost 5)

Training them to sleep is supposed to be the best way. I was told to give DS water not milk when he woke

Vibrating chair works only when she is already asleep from an hour walk and only then about 2 times a month is she is really nackered (like today)....

When I even put her near her cot in the day she screams-its not just a cry its a full blown scream. She has never slept in the house in the day appart from on me when she was tiny, occasionally now she will fall asleep on the boob but only if I am completely still and as soon as I move a muscle she screams again.

She does need more sleep than I can give her walking and at night I just dont know where to start.

I have been a very soft mum up until now and every time she even looks like she will cry I pick her up so it is all my own fault. She is my first child.

She is very bad to breast feed also and refused for weeks (except at night) and now will only BF (and solid feed) is she has had plenty of sleep. Amd for the BF only in a quiet dark room.

I'm getting really down about it. I love her to bits but I am not enjoying a lot of being a mum at the moment and I want to as she is amazing.

my 3 have all been rubbish sleepers so i really sympathise. with dd (now 15 months) i discovered she would go to sleep very easily if i put her in her carseat or pram next to a very loud 'white' noise, for us the best one was the oven extractor fan turned on full blast. put her right next to it and she'd go from screaming to asleep in literally 5 minutes. i did that for months and months to get her to sleep during the day.

also got a white noise cd and she now goes to sleep at night with that on, very loud at first but over the months we have dropped the volume so it's now just a murmur in the background.

and by the way, it's not "your fault", there's nothing wrong with comforting your baby, really.

YANBU to be tired and fed up, so have a

All mine have continued waking to breastfeed into their second year. Have you tried bringing baby into bed to feed? I found I got more rest that way.

It will get easier and your baby will sleep through eventually no matter what you do or don't do.

We chose not to sleep train, as I couldn't have faced all the crying nor actually getting out of bed at night. A (blthough I did night wean dc1 at 18 monthsy getting DH to cuddle him instead -that would never have worked with DC2, would have screamed the place down!). Dc2 night weaned spontaneously at 16 months and after that was happy with a cuddle if she woke. Dc3 still feeds at night a bit, most nights and is 17 months. The frequency is decreasing and it's no bother now. Quick feed and back to sleep. We didn't bother moving DC2 out of our room until she was able to walk through safely on her own and climb into our bed if she needed us. Who needs to be walking round the house at night if it's avoidable ?

Do you have a DH/DP who can help you out? DH has always taken ours if they remain awake after feeding. That makes a big difference. He also gets up and gives them breakfast whilst I grab 30 mins-1hr alone in bed.

My eldest 2 now consistently sleep all night in their own rooms, except in cases of bad dream or illness. They are 3 and 5. At the time sometimes it felt like a lifetime, but if you keep doing what you are doing one day or one feed at a time they will grow out of it.

You sound as though you are blaming yourself which you shouldn't. We all do things differently. I was quite lax, as I said, while on maternity leave, and didn't have strict bed time and wake up time. In retrospect, I think I was just lucky that despite this, two of my three quickly developed their own routines and slept well. The third I think just needed more of a routine imposed on her. I cannot recommend highly enough the strategy of getting the baby up at the same time each day. It transformed my baby from a restless unsettled sleeper to a baby who went off to sleep within minutes at 7 pm and slept through apart from occasional settling back to sleep with a drink of water. It was tough for a few nights as we had to force ourselves to get her up at 6am even after a broken night (this was a few weeks before I returned to work, so I could have got away with not waking her up this early but the key thing is to stick resolutely to the routine - you get through the pain barrier quickly).
From your posts it sounds as though your baby is unhappy and perhaps overtired so it's not just about making life more bearable for you, its about teaching her to sleep better and to not be afraid of falling asleep by herself in her own cot

This article might be quite reassuring? There's lots more here too.