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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate living on benefits?

21 replies

ihatebiffandchip · 23/04/2011 22:34

I am currently living on income support, housing benefit etc etc etc. I was speaking to a friend tonight and saying that I am hoping to sort out either a job or Ia course to do by september....
She was totally Shock, she says why do I want to do that because my youngest is still only 1 and I don't need to go back to work till he's 7 blah, blah. I said, I hate living on benefits. Don't get me wrong,it's great that I can afford to live and take time to be with my kids, but I also like the independance and feeling that comes with earning my own money. I realise, I would probably work part time so would still get some benefits, but would be nice to support myself.

AIBU? Friend thinks I am definately because it's my right to be sahm on benefits for the next 5 years...

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatebiffandchip · 23/04/2011 22:36

dunno if it's relevant, but my 2 older kids are in school full time and my mum has offered to look after ds2 for one day per week so he wouldn't be full time in childcare...

OP posts:
houseworkwhore · 23/04/2011 22:36

o god.......

FunnysInTheGarden · 23/04/2011 22:36

YANBU and it is no ones 'right' to stay at home for 7 years. I would hate it and needed my own time to work away from the DC, but your friends sense of entitlement is Shock

onehotmomma · 23/04/2011 22:37

YANBU and it will set a good example to your dc's imo

Newgolddream · 23/04/2011 22:37

Can I ask if your hoping this turns into a benefit bashing thread...

crashingwaves · 23/04/2011 22:40

I firmly believe that you should do the best thing for you and your family, and in most cases I believe that involves undertaking some form of paid work but not in every case and ultimately it may benefit you more to do some training, but I think you are 'right' to dislike being on benefits not because they're a source of shame but because doing a job and doing it well is a source of pride. x

Original poster
ihatebiffandchip · 23/04/2011 22:42

newgolddream no i don't want it to be a benefit bashing thread.

tbh I am Shock at friends sentiment that this is her "right" but that's not the point, what I am more Shock about is that she thinks I am wrong to hold this opinion...

OP posts:
houseworkwhore · 23/04/2011 22:42

newgolddream my thoughts exactly

MollieO · 23/04/2011 22:43

I don't know how anyone can live on benefits and I speak as someone currently trying to do so. £65.45 a week isn't enough for me to live on. Hmm

Thingumy · 23/04/2011 22:48

YANBU.

I have a family member who has 4 kids,not worked since 18 and now late 30's.

Benefits are there to help you whilst out of employment and to help you by,there are not there to be a 'wage'.

I was on benefits myself.It wasn't easy but it was a darn easier then not paying a mortgage or council tax.

I'm not benefit bashing but it's fuicking obvious that some people are abusing them.

textfan · 23/04/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkhyena · 23/04/2011 22:56

YANBU
DH is out of work at the moment and is getting jobseekers but nothing else (because my £6000 a year student loan is enough for the 3 of us to live on apparently Hmm but I digress) I think it's very telling that they told him he has to evidence that he has applied for 3 jobs a week. A week! He's been applying for approximately 6/7 a day!

Um...yeah... I am astounded at your friends view and applaud you for yours.

NonnoMum · 23/04/2011 22:56

Good for you.

missymayhemsmum · 23/04/2011 22:57

YANBU, you have a life to lead, and your friend is being very unreasonable, and also a bit shortsighted to think that she and her kids have a right to be on benefits forever. And if you wait till littlest is 5 it's soo much harder to get back into the kind of job that'll keep you. IMLE when tory governments talk about supporting the (two parent) family they usually mean making life harder for us single mums. If you can sort out something with some prospects of a good job in the future, and can work it so your kids aren't missing you too much then go girl! You'll still be skint, though, believe me, you'll just be skint with bigger numbers.

Original poster
ihatebiffandchip · 23/04/2011 22:57

textfan I am not having a pop at you or anyone else. It's not about the reason for working or not, it's about the desire to get off benefits that I'm talking about...

OP posts:
Absolutelyfabulous · 23/04/2011 23:02

If everyone shared your friends attitude, who on earth would pay for all these benefits? Hmm

millie30 · 23/04/2011 23:04

I think you should ignore your friend OP, and do what's best for you and your family. I was also on income support as I ended up a lone parent with a newborn baby. I was grateful to have a safety net at a time when I needed it, but for me it certainly wasn't a lifestyle choice or something I wanted to claim for as long as possible. My DS is now nearly 3 and I'm doing a degree and work part time. I feel a sense of pride that I'm setting a good example to my DS and I'm providing for him.

On the other hand I also have a "friend" who is quite cutting about my efforts, shocked that I want to bother. Her DC is nearing 7 and she is actually panicking, trying to get pregnant by anyone, just so she doesn't have to go to work!

carriedababi · 23/04/2011 23:08

thing is alot of people on benefits, upon returning to work get 75% of childcare paid for from the goverment
so your not really "paying your own way" then either!

anyway i think your just shit stiring

Thingumy · 23/04/2011 23:09

It's shocking that there are alot of people who feel they have no need to work because of their benefits.

My family mamber has had 4 children on benefits and has a house and is ok jack.

Dh worked out she earns more than us,with child benefit,housing benefit and council tax.

It does make you smart but then again,if I was in that position with interest free loans and a steady income and minimal rent with no upkeep of my home,would I want to work? hmmmm

NettoSuperstar · 23/04/2011 23:09

YANBU.
I have a job, except I don't work any more and won't be working for the forseeable, due to illness.
I hate it.
I'm applying for benefits and have been told that I'll have to exaggerate how ill I am or I'll not get anything.

Ugh.

I want to be well, that's all.

As it is I have to get a friend to take me shopping, and another friend to cut the grass for me, as I'm not well enough to do it myself.

Original poster
ihatebiffandchip · 23/04/2011 23:11

Thanks for all the supportive comments, nice to know I'm not loosing my marbles!

Can't really understand how this is shit stirring, it's a conversation I had today which really pissed me off

OP posts:
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