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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toilet trained at 18mo

31 replies

Mammie81 · 23/04/2011 12:52

MIL and I dont always see eye to eye, and on this one we def dont.

Shes a nursery nurse and mentioned over dinner that a girl at her nursery is toilet trained at 18mo. She thought this was terrible, why would you do it to such a young baby blah blah blah. Its too early.

But I saw this as a bloody triumph! Who ever trained this young girl was clearly a magician! Im a first time mum and Ive not got anywhere near to toilet training yet, so Ive no idea really of how hard/easy it might be (but friends have led me to believe its a tough one), and if I didnt have to change nappies at 18months Im sure Id be ecstatic.

AIBU to not see the down sides to this like MIL does? What ARE the downsides? I cant see why this would be a bad thing?

OP posts:

DeepPurple · 23/04/2011 12:55

Every child is different. It depends if the child was ready or if she was forced.

My little brother had horrendous nappy rash at 16 months. He refused to wear a nappy and took to using a potty. There were very few accidents and he was totally ready at such a young age.

Some children aren't ready until they are 3.

rubyslippers · 23/04/2011 12:56

If they're ready, they're ready

My DD is 18 months and clutches her nappy when she is doing a wee and also tells me she is but she has no real bladder control so I can't train her

I don't see a downside - I can't wait to stop buying nappies!

Original poster

Mammie81 · 23/04/2011 12:58

I understand that all child are ready when they are ready. But MIL seemed to suggest that all parents should wait. I just cant see the point of waiting if you are able (and the child is able) to do it early.

OP posts:

Megatron · 23/04/2011 12:59

It depends on the child I think. I prefer a child to do the leading in these kind of things, my DD was 22 months, DS was almost 3. I don't like to think of a child being 'forced' to potty train before they're ready but neither should a parent be lazy about it if they are.

Nursery nurses don't know everything. I know this because I am one myself.

jasper1980 · 23/04/2011 13:00

no bad sides to it..my DD trained t 18 months then had a setback and then trained again at 21 months with no trouble...so I guess YANBU but still not sure what you are asking

Newgolddream · 23/04/2011 13:01

Its usually the other way round tbh, people being judgemental that a child is not toilet trained at 18 months. DS3 turned 3 in Decmeber past and has only been ready in the last few weeks, still not there but at least hes telling us pees coming now. But its a race amongst some competitive Mums to see who can have thier child potty trained first.

thumbbunny · 23/04/2011 13:01

Your MIL is worrying unnecessarily I'm sure. If the child was ready, she was ready. No doubt there is a perfect time to toilet train [buhmm] but if there is, I know we've missed it because DS still isn't quite there and he's 3.4. He's neeeeeaaaaaaarly there though...

Original poster

Mammie81 · 23/04/2011 13:05

I think MIL might have a bee in her bonnet because her kids (4) probably werent ready till much later and she does have a competitive streak.*

I just wondered about it because I honeslty couldnt see anything wrong with it and wondered why she'd even mentioned it as a bad thing. And being as Im new to this I thought i was missing something!

*(My poor DP wet the bed till he was a teenager)

OP posts:

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 23/04/2011 13:11

The only downside I can see to it is from a personal perspective in that I know only a small amount of people that potty trained that young and the child was not ready at all. They made a lot of work for themselves, had a lot of toddler pee around the house for a very long time and one of the children at almost 8 still cannot poo without tears and hand holding.

There are children on the other hand that are ready at 18 months but I personally do see it as rather young unless the child was showing willing signs of being ready for it.

EllenJane1 · 23/04/2011 13:14

TBH they can't be properly toilet trained until they can pull their trousers and pants down themselves and get on the potty/toilet themselves. Before that it's just a case of saving nappies.

SmethwickBelle · 23/04/2011 13:32

A friend of mine's daughter was definitely potty trained at 18 months - more or less. It was definitely led by the child - her mum was surprised to see her showing an interest and mildly encouraged her and she got the hang of it in a few weeks. And we were all and then .

My 17 month old is showing a good few signs, and loves sitting on potties, hates dirty nappies etc... I may give him a try over summer - DS1 was happy to sit in shit until he was nearly 3 so it would be a novelty if DS2 did it earlier.

atswimtwolengths · 23/04/2011 13:36

There are a lot of competitive mums out there who are very good at catching wee and poo. They will tell you their children are potty trained, but you try looking after them for an afternoon and it's a totally different story.

stoppinchingthedummy · 23/04/2011 14:57

My dd was potty trained at 20 months ..ok not 18 but she was the one who asked for no nappy ...and did it straight away ...never had an accident and at 25 months old is dry day and night ...im not competitive she was ready so i went with her lead ..my ds is a different story at 5 years old still not dry at night and no amount of night waking for wees is helping him [roll] he will do it when he is ready too i guess!!

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/04/2011 15:04

Can't see a downside myself, either, Mammie.

You do know its the exception rather than the rule, though? The vast majority of children get it between the ages of 2 and 3.

I'm surprised people are worrying about children being "forced" to be toilet trained. If they aren't ready to do it, they generally just don't do it!

HarrietJones · 23/04/2011 15:08

Dd2 trained herself by then. Dd1 had a potty out & she started using it. Had an awful job buying knickers as she was tiny for her age. She's still wet at night now & shes 9 which is a bit weird

virginiasmonalogue · 23/04/2011 15:09

My dd2 decided at 18 months decided herself to use her sisters potty one day and from then on was dry, day and night. Is your mil suggesting that I should have forced her to pee and poo into a nappy. Might have helped that it was summer and she was running about without clothes a lot of the time?! She can still hold her wee for a considerable amount of time lol. (dd1 however pt at 2 and wore a nappy at night til she was nearly 4)

princessparty · 23/04/2011 16:38

' It depends if the child was ready or if she was forced.'

how do you 'force' a child to be potty trained/ I wish i had known how when mine were 2!!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/04/2011 16:41

By running round after it with a potty, that's how. I've seen it plenty of times. Not putting a nappy on doesn't automatically mean trained. Great if they are.

princessparty · 23/04/2011 16:50

but that's not 'training' the child or 'forcing' it at all in any way shape or form

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/04/2011 17:04

It's forcing in as much as you're putting pressure on a baby to take responsibility for its own toilet habits before it's ready. What would you call it?

That's not to say that some children aren't ready, but it's pretty obvious when they are.

Megatron · 23/04/2011 17:09

I do think some parents claim their child is toilet trained when they really aren't. I have a friend who was very insistent that her DS was potty trained at 19 months when really he was just a little boy running around without a nappy, wetting himself every hour and a half.

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 23/04/2011 17:23

DD was potty trained at 17 months. Nothing at all to do with me. She declared no more nappies and asked for a potty (her friend had one). She was reliably clean and dry in the day within days, all of her own doing.

She wasn't dry at night until nearer 2 though.

If it's child led, it's fine.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 23/04/2011 17:29

All kids are different, all mine have been (have 5).

I met a woman in playgroup who was telling me how naughty her little girl was and lazy because she was still in nappies.

Her girl was 18mths.

I told her not to worry, she was still a baby.

She was shocked and told me that her mum had told her she and all her brothers and sisters were toilet trained at 1.

Whatever

So thanks to granny embellishing and boasting, this poor little girl was being told off by her mother for being lazy.

WriterofDreams · 23/04/2011 17:55

My mum didn't have to potty train me at all. I have a sister who is a year and two months older than me and apparently I took great interest when she was being trained at about 2 and a half years old. One day I just came into the kitchen took off my nappy and said "I'm not a baby I'm not wearing a nappy any more" and that was it. Dry day and night. So I was about 16 months when that happened which is very unusual, but clearly my mum had no choice in the matter. She uses it a lot as an example of how I never let her mother me as if I did it deliberately to piss her off. I think she should count herself lucky! There really is no point in holding a child back if they're ready but equally it's wrong to push a child who isn't able for it.

superv1xen · 23/04/2011 18:04

some people are really competitive over it. its pathetic.

ds was not early, but not that late, he was potty trained at about 2 1/2 but not dry at nights till he was 4.

and DD is 23 months and i don't think she is ready although she seems to know when she is pooing but not weeing.

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