Long ... AIBU to object to DH's hammed up consumptive cough?

[BoffinMum]

DH is lovely but a bit of a hypochondriac and he gets manflu on a regular basis, along with a host of other weekend ailments that require long lie-ins, not getting washed and dressed before lunchtime, naps in the afternoon, special bedding arrangements, special treatment in general, and very many medications lined up by his bed (eight at the last count - haemmorrhoid cream, Piriton, decongestants, Kalms, Solpadeine and so on). He takes his temperature at least three times a day and more usually a dozen times, periodically announcing things like, "It's 98.5, I have a temperature, I had better lie down, I feel rotten" leaving me to cope single handed with three kids yet again (bear in mind I have a disability and it's painful to walk and lift toddlers so this is particularly tough).

Now I think we can safely say his illness barometer is completely different from mine. However what I really object to is that he puts on this violent consumptive cough, wherever and whenever we are, and hams it up something rotten, holding his head and flinging his whole body into it, barking away, interrupting conversation for a 10 metre radius, and spraying cough everywhere. Then he feigns dizziness and sways like a Victorian corset wearer. It's like an April fool impersonation of a plague victim aimed at alarming the public to maximum effect.

I have just had ten days of this now, including (once again) organising a medical consultation over the phone for him yesterday so he was reassured he was not going to die of pneumonia or whatever, and an incident in Waitrose where he sprayed cough dramatically all over the aisle much to the alarm of the other customers, I am getting very fed up, and so is the rest of the family, so I said to him, "You have had a cold and a bit of a cough, you are not the first man on the earth to have a cold and a bit of a cough, so the hamming it up all over the place is getting to me. Take some cough mixture and get dressed and stop being silly.". He has now flounced off, deeply offended.

He seems to have some dramatic illness every blardy weekend and more frequently in the holidays. It's as though illness is some sort of hobby for him. Meanwhile I sit indoors waiting for him to get better seeing my life slip away (I get told off for abandoning him if I go anywhere).

WWYD? AIBU?

Shakey I don't think people have the first idea how much pain we live with on a daily basis. I just got my DLA renewal rejected as well which has not helped my mood, so I am having to appeal. I have gone from the top rate for mobility and care to zero overnight. What on earth do they think happens to us, a miracle cure?

Not engaging sounds a very profitable thing to do for now, even if not long term. And the "holidays" at the toddler death-zone sound like something to dump as well. His family is not supporting you, so disengaging from them can hardly hurt much.

I hope things go well at the hospital tomorrow. Are you going in for treatment, or is it outpatient? If he doesn't go with you, it might be a good chance to talk to your doctor/therapist and other patients waiting, about managing their family dynamics. Maybe someone else has dealt with a hypochondriac, on top of their own physical woes?

I can't fathom this attitude about "letting" you have a career...do people actually say that BoffinMum?

A bit of dark humour here: imagine him being grilled by the DLA people and publically humilated as a hypochondriac fraudster!

Anything to lighten your mood. You sound very low.

Boffin- have you had physio etc? Daft question I suppose you've probably had shed loads. I'm at early stage really, recently diagnosed. One side is in the hip bone itself, the other side in the hip joint so I'm a bit of a hopalong cassidy at the moment (actually the reality is that if I saw myself "walking" down the road I'd say "there goes someone who has quite obviously shat themselves...")

Anyhow, no wonder your general mood is down :(
How's it been this afternoon?

Hello again all. We have had a reconciliation, and I was listened to a lot more, and the cough is now just normal, and he is being very considerate indeed now. I think he may have learned his lesson. He is taking me into hospital later and intends to take some more leave and get things done around the house for me and so on. He has been holding my hand a lot and asking me what I would like to do, what would make me happy etc.

WRT my SPD/osteoarthritis, I have had lots of physio but it doesn't do much, apart from a few hours' pain relief if I am in the hands of someone supremely competent. I am having some nerves killed off today as they are apparently misfiring and that's what's making my back and hips go into spasm and have sciatica etc etc. I am a bit scared but hopeful it will make a difference. I am in very bad pain most of the time at the moment and I walk like a pensioner if I don't think about it and pull myself together. LOL at walking as though you have shat yourself though!

Skinitting, yes, people do still say that. Some people in my life think it is strange that a woman has a full time professional job and don't get it at all. My shopaholic mum who can't be arsed to see her own grandchildren is convinced I work part-time as I work from home two days a week, and keeps muttering about how I should be a SAHM. My SIL (five years younger than my mum, so same baby boomer generation) who works at the same place as me as a temporary secretary when she feels like it for a bit of pin money, talks about academics as though they are dotty, and stupid, and incompetent, and rather lazy, and people like her spend their whole lives propping the 'idiots' up . Incidentally it transpired at the weekend that she also thinks I have a full time housekeeper at home (nope, I struggle around in pain doing the cleaning as best I can, with intermittent help from DH but not quite enough) and only clean FIL's cottage (which we all share) and wash the dirty bedsheets she has left behind and so on for fun as I am a 'do-er', and she is 'not a do-er' so that exempts her from engaging with most of the housekeeping and maintenance there as she doesn't enjoy it. She had a (successful) hip replacement last year so is also exempt in her mind from everything as she is now incapacitated officially. I get comments from her like, "I had a bad back once, yes, it can be troubling". It really is amazing to me how women like this justify their actions in order to get an easier life at the obvious expense of other people, and how they are invariably able to get away with it.

I think I have been at the wrong end of a lot of people suiting themselves, and indirectly causing me to have to bust a gut and work too hard, nobody has been looking after me properly, plus I haven't had the space and time and money to do it myself because I am preoccupied with a badly paid full time job and three kids. I am going to have to sort this out.

Boffinmum, I really hope your treatment helps. Your DH sounds a bit of a twonk TBH. I had one like that, he had been brought up in a family where sickness ruled. Whether it was mental or physical and attention was gained by being poorly.
I refused to indulge this behaviour and DH, slowly, changed his ways.
I appreciate that you can't just up and off with your disability, but leaving him to stew for a couple of hours would be a good thing.

Boffin, I know this is an entire side issue, but failing all else do you think you could persuade your husband to use a handkerchief instead of sharing his phlegm with the rest of us? They do have great dramatic possibilities (finding it/flourishing it extravagantly) which might appeal to husband, while protecting the vegetables in Waitrose from slime...

Your relatives sound dreadful. I bet you wish you could extract SIL's painless new hip (how, exactly, is she incapacitated after having the operation, rather than the opposite?) and whack her with it! However, if you decide to do so, don't buy any powerful magnets until you check out the potential of a deboning machine, which effectively debones chicken meat by centrifugal force!

I hope your appointment went well today. Good for your DH, endearing himself to you again.

What do your children say about all of this? Could they be prevailed upon to shame those who give you a hard time, or are they part of the problem (the toddler may well be, as they don't seem to have much emapthy at that age!)?

Lol @ centrifuge!
My rellies are not all bad - I've got some smashing ones too!
Had the procedure - very painful, but I am being nicely looked after.

Boffinmum please can you just write a book for us all to read? Or get a weekly column? Thanks

I'm glad you liked the centrifugal deboning! I have plenty of horrible and ghastly ideas like that, which have cheered me up when in awful jobs/projects which aren't going well. If it's effective for pain relief or distraction as well, I'll be very happy to help. Sorry the procedure was very painful. How long will you be convalescing for?

Will you be blogging Austerity Housekeeping from your hospital bed, devising cleaning regimes and feng shui for physio slings (lucky numbers for the correct angles, etc.)?

I am in very little pain today - I am still quite numb from the op but I am cautiously wondering whether it has worked. Cross fingers everyone.

DH is being niceness itself and the quality of care is second to none.

Who wants to read the first chapter of my comic novel then? I have been working on it in bed. (I promise I'll do a blog post later, probably seasonal food for the nice weather, and nettle soup as it's That Time of Year). I can stick the chapter on the blog temporarily if you like, as an extra page or something.

You lot have really helped me through this, by the way. Un-MNetty

Yes, please, I'd like to read the comic novel!

Nettle soup recipe here Thick and thin kinds.

Chapter coming up in a few minutes.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Pembroke Green.

Here

Having just restored and furnished a historic house in the heart of Pembroke Green, celebrity couple Rex and Samantha King discover that there has been a nocturnal intruder who has relieved them of several antiques. Rex spends some time pondering his state in the privacy of his own kitchen, only to come to a sticky end. PC Gull gloats over his indignity.

Enjoy.

What fun!