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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been AGHAST at this comment?

34 replies

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 00:34

at a group interview/skills assessment thing last week.

Girl (19ish?) tells lady her surname and lady says "oh, that's an unusual name are you related to [celebrity with same name]?"

Girl says "no, lucky eh, he's gay, wouldn't it be awful having a gay in the family? How embarrassing"

Shock

I don't know why I am posting in AIBU actually as surely nobody in their right mind would think that comment was ok?

I mean this isn't like that thread last year where someone was 'aghast' at someone stubbing out a cigarette on a tree :o anyone else remember that one?

OP posts:
A1980 · 23/04/2011 00:36

Was it a remedial skills assessment.

She sounds as thick as pigshit.

bleedingstill · 23/04/2011 00:37

Yes you are being unreasonable in being surprised at this girl's view. Lots of people think like her.

Original poster
FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 00:41

It's bad enough having that view in the first place, but to actually not realise what a stupid thing it is to say out loud... Ignorance on a massive scale.

Bizarrely she already has a job, she was just there to get her key skills test done.

Thankfully I was facing the other way doing my own test and eavesdropping while still managing to get 100% because there is no way I could have hidden my surprise.

Interviewer got rather flustered and changed the subject.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 23/04/2011 00:43

I'm more surprised that the interviewer (who I assume was some kind of professional) didn't pick her up on it.

bleedingstill · 23/04/2011 00:43

Yes, you and I and most of mumsnet think it's a ridiculous view, but it's one Millions of people have. WHy did it surprise you?

MaisyMooCow · 23/04/2011 00:46

I respect how restrained you were for not saying anything to her. I would have probably started a full scale row and ended up getting evicted !!!:)

Silly girl, she has a lot of growing up to do.

Original poster
FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 00:48

Partly because even though I know loads of people have that view, I just do not understand it. I don't see why people think homosexuality is wrong when it's not even a choice FFS.

But tbh mostly I was shocked because of the fact she didn't even realise that her views are not socially (or legally?) acceptable.

OP posts:
A1980 · 23/04/2011 00:51

She'd be a HR nightmare waiting to happen.

Bringing that blatant attitude to work would mean a complaint, bullying accusations etc.

bleedingstill · 23/04/2011 00:53

fried sadly that is the case. Without wishing to give away too much personal information, I hear remarks like this in the course or my work every day. SOmetimes i think we are in the minority.
If you move in educated circles you don't get to see what much of the alleged civilised world thinks

Original poster
FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 00:56

Wise words bleedingstill - I guess I am quite sheltered in that respect. I live in a very unprejudiced family (my dad says the only thing he doesn't tolerate is intolerance - a rather sickly cliche but a good motto)

OP posts:
bleedingstill · 23/04/2011 01:00

The shocking aspect, as you expressed, is that people like this young girl do not even realise that her view is considered shocking by many (most? please tell me it's most `). How can you live in 21st century Britain and not realise that homophobic views would attract criticism?

ll31 · 23/04/2011 01:30

would most people tho be disgusted at homophobic comment or not? I dont' kow... I hope they would but I dont know

bleedingstill · 23/04/2011 01:34

Yes good point II31 . Mumsnet is not an accurate representation of world views

Original poster
FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 01:36

It isn't? Shock

OP posts:
ll31 · 23/04/2011 01:44

i would think that for interview situation you would think that people would be very careful about what they said.. but genuinely I dont' think people in general - say overall majority - are very un homephobic..

I think we should have thread on people's attitudes, ignoring political correctness, ignoring everything. it would benice to see what people thought.. say if you thought about what you would or would not be happy for your children to be.. anyway I think instructor should have challenged her... but I do think.. it displays a certain naivety on her part in saying what she di...

MoistTowelette · 23/04/2011 04:40

Personally, can't believe there are people like this still out there...so so sad

hairfullofsnakes · 23/04/2011 05:17

Like others have said, unfortunately there are people who think like this. What a terribly ignorant and stupid young woman is what I think and I am glad she is not one of my family. Hopefully one day she will grow up and cringe at such a stupid comment.

Gemsy83 · 23/04/2011 06:15

What an idiot- can you make a complaint to whoever was hosting the key skills assesment and make sure it is followed up where she works in line with their equality policy?

onceamai · 23/04/2011 06:16

I suspect the girl was incredibly nervous and blurted out something incredibly foolish. Actually as someone with an incredibly unusual surname it never ceases to amaze me that people have continually to comment upon it and never seem to realise how tiresome such comments are.

MikeOxstiff · 23/04/2011 06:25

Firstly AGHAST is a good word and I will be using it more
but YABU why should everybody have the same opinion as you?

Have you got one of those gagging orders on you or can you tell us the name?

TeddyBare · 23/04/2011 06:46

YANBU. I like to think I would have said something but in those situations it's so difficult.

MikeOxstiff - I don't think it's about the OP expecting everyone to share all of her opinions, it's just that this is such an offensive and prejudice view that it is reasonable to expect people not to hold it (hence anti-discrimination laws). If someone made approving comments about slavery or nazism I would expect people to be shocked and offended by it too, this is the same. There are some opinions which are so offensive to the majority of society that if you believe them you should probably be quiet about it.

FoofffyShmoofffer · 23/04/2011 06:55

YANBU at all.

and I love "aghast". It is much underused.

CheshireDing · 23/04/2011 08:08

I think/hope she is just immature and one day she was realise what a jerk she was. Although I really would have wanted to say something to her too in front of everyone else.

I had a Manmaid and a Bridesmaid at my wedding and afterwards MIL said "he's gay isn't he, it's a shame". On that occasion I could not even be bothered to answer her.

By the same token my Gran (who is 80) was definitely born in the wrong generation and loves my Manmaid the same as everyone else.

Gooseberrybushes · 23/04/2011 08:10

Aghast -- goodness you must live on the moon.

BunnyWunny · 23/04/2011 08:15

Maybe she was being ironic?