Should an eight year old be still......

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Having his bum wiped by his mum?
Being constantly asked if he needs the toilet?
Have a tissue shoved up at his face constantly and told to blow?

Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhh!

Surely once they are at school they should be able to do it themselves.
Apart from special needs of course.
I will sometimes check little girls (5) bottom if she has 'runny poo' (her words not mine)

'I just can't understand why he is still being treated like a baby, can't dress himself, can't dry himself, can't get himself a drink or a snack. '

I refuse to talk about poo this early in the morning.
But from the other examples, I'd say she is a woman who defines herself through her parenting and her availability to her child at all times to help and provide for his every need. Which is very sad but not uncommon.
Because in her heart she knows it is foolish, to hide the self-knowledge, she will be bitchy about anyone's parenting hat falls short of her opinion.
Does she have any younger children?

hat? that.

I'm with Goblinchild

I felt awful about:

tying my 8yos shoelaces

cutting his food for him

helping him to pour his milk out

It was just that despite years of training he so manifestly wasn't able to do these things. And then he was diagnosed with a physical disability. I didn't know about it, I just had to live with the reality of what he could not do. He didn't know it: he just thought he was dim

In the two cases where I have really really judged parents for babying their children, both children have subsequently been diagnosed with autism: the parents did not know about it, they were just responding to the child they had. But they must have felt awful.

But of course there are also parents who baby children for no reason. Ime NT children usually rebel when they get to junior school age, though. SO if this is the case, your friend may not have long to go until she is given pitying looks and exasperated sighs of 'Muuum, you are soooo embarrassing'.

I'm with Goblinchild too-it is generally about the needs of the mother and not the DC.

My SIL did try to baby her perfectly capable son, he rebelled and now she is finding an outlet for her maternal feelings by revelling in his independence- quite a volte-face, but clearly more satisfying for both parties.

Cory, you know my son has AS and some of his parenting needs were and are not age-appropriate. Wouldn't make me or you critical of someone else's parenting would it?

'I have had four days of hell with someone whose parenting techniques are so bizarre she is willing to treat me and my daughter like crap in order to keep her son like a baby and treat me with disdain about my parenting techniques like letting my child take some responsibility and grow up.'

Even if the child has undiagnosed sn, she shouldn't be making another parent feel this bad.

I am always gobsmacked when I take dd(7) for her swimming lessons. THey are held in a school swimming pool and the premises are only occupied by people attending the swimming school.
Dd is the only child from around 6 ish upwards to 9 ish who actually dries and dresses themselves. We are in the female room so each week I see women dry and dress their dc. I know it's been done on mumsnet before but surely the 7 plus year old boys should a) be able to dry and dress themselves and b) be able to do this in the male room.

StewieGriffinsMom I dont know wether to laugh or cry at that one

Well my DS1 is incredibly lazy but even he was wiping his own arris by the age of about 5 - which I think and thought is very late!

That said, some children do need more support than others as they grow up. Sometimes that support is needed for reading, sometimes for emotional issues as they are shy, sometimes for personal care (my DS1 for instance will still not brush his teeth unless nagged; I am incredulous that he doesn't yet notice and dislike that "unbrushed teeth" feeling at 10), sometimes for maths, sometimes for motor skills. It would be a poor parent indeed who wouldn't give that support and just say: "well you should be able to read properly by now, everyone else can."

I don't want to be one of those mothers who goes to the children's university interviews with them. But on the other hand, if my mum had been a bit more "babying" of me, perhaps I would have actually gone to university at 18 instead of when I finally had the confidence to do it independently - when I was bloody thirty.

I have digressed! I actually agree with you though OP!

at SGM

I haven't wiped DS's (9) bum in 6 years. I went into the bathroom few days ago while he was taking a shower and offered to wash his hair for him as he was only soaping the top of his head iyswim- he recoiled in horror and said ' Mamaaaaan, je suis un grand!!!'

I think it's about starting giving them responsibility for their hygiene early- DD (26 mo) tries to wash herself and her hair in the bath and is very proud of herself.

yy to the unbrushed teeth feeling, BS- DS needs to be nagged to brush his and does it in 20 seconds

So does my DS, winnybella.

He had an orthodontist's appointment, so gave them, at my request a REALLY GOOD SCRUB.

The orthodontist mentioned the "very poor brushing" and removed a load of revolting gunk with his scraper thing.

I could brush them for him, but then someone would start and AIBU about me (Only joking OP, I think YANBU)

DS (9) would be mortified if I attempted bum wiping. I do his teeth sometimes though as he doesn't do them properly - or at all, given the chance.