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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to smack the next person who tells me how lucky I am to have such an easy baby.

29 replies

roundandroundincircles · 21/04/2011 20:33

I'm not saying she is a difficult baby, I'm sure there are a lot worse but how the hell do they know, just because when they occassionally see her she's happy and content. Are they with her 24/7 do they see her when she's screaming her lungs out or refusing to go to sleep or waking up every three hours? So they tell me what an easy baby I have and make me feel like the world's shittest mum if I ever get frustrated or upset with her or find being a new mum tough. Plus I'm terrified at the thought of having another baby because of dd is incredibly easy I don't think I could cope with a difficult baby.
Rant over.

OP posts:

RuthChan · 21/04/2011 20:39

NYNBU.
Nobody can ever know what it is like to live in someone else's family or how it is to look after their children.
Take it all with a pinch of salt and try not to let it get to you.
Although there probably are truly easy and difficult children, they are a rarity and most are somewhere in between, with good moments and bad moments.

I'm sure you are not the shittest mum in the world and I'm quite sure that you don't get upset with her any more than I ever did with my DCs when they were tiny. (You MOST CERTAINLY don't get as frustrated as I do with mine now!)

Ignore the others and go easy on yourself. You'll cope brilliantly with number 2, if and when you feel ready for it. Don't forget that the second time round you will find it easier because you've done it all before.

Bearcrumble · 21/04/2011 20:40

I think they're probably saying it because they think it's a nice compliment.

How old is said easy baby?

I had an easy (as in very content) baby but he never fucking slept more than a couple of hours on the trot for the first nine months.

You don't have to feel guilty, honestly. Everyone feels frustrated sometimes, even those (I assume) whose babies sleep through from 3 months.

I agree to an extent about being worried how I'd deal with eg a colicky/miserable baby but if we only thought about the worst case scenario we'd never change anything.

roundthehouses · 21/04/2011 20:41

well is she an easy baby? maybe you are lucky! It doesn´t mean it´s not still hard or you aren´t going to have bad days and it certainly doesn´t make you a bad mum when that happens. I am really not sure how you are make the leap from one to the other tbh.

ds1 was by all accounts an easy baby in that he never had colic, he slept as well as can be expected (4hour stretches) etc. He was a pretty textbook baby, nothing out of this world like 12hour sleeps at 6 weeks but neither was he ill or particularly fretful. And it was still really hard, but I could recognise it could be a zillion times harder. I was really worried ds2 would be a nightmare by default and so far he´s been pretty textbook too.

Just smile and nod.

Original poster

roundandroundincircles · 21/04/2011 20:45

She's 4mo, she's a lovely little thing, just a normal happy one minute screaming the next baby!!

I'd never had any contact with any babies before having her and so have nothing to compare her to.

I just feel so down when sometimes i feel like i can't cope with her and everyone's telling me how easy she is.

OP posts:

newtotheplanet · 21/04/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsBananaGrabber · 21/04/2011 20:49

I have a 4 mo DD too and I love love love that she is 'easy', I have had two 'hard' ones. Just take it as a compliment that you are coping well and that you don't have a red faced screamer

Numberfour · 21/04/2011 20:50

DS was a perfect, perfect baby. Except, like Bearcrumble, he did not sleep well.

However,he does now!! FABULOUS!!! DS now sleeps through and has done, for the most, for the last 3 months.

DS is 6 yrs and 6 months today.

newtotheplanet · 21/04/2011 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SmethwickBelle · 21/04/2011 20:58

I understand and I don't think you're being unreasonable.

DS2 is "difficult" which makes people say "I bet you didn't realise how easy you had it with DS1". Well pardon me but it didn't FEEL easy at the time. Having said that when people describe DS2 as difficult it hurts in a different way, as he has lovely moments and no one seems to notice.

In any case it really isn't a criticism of your parenting, you obviously make it look easy which IS a compliment of how you are coping and parenting, if that makes sense x

Original poster

roundandroundincircles · 21/04/2011 20:59

newtotheplanet - don't apologise, your post made me smile, I think I'm going to do just that next time I see them!!

OP posts:

Earwiggo · 21/04/2011 21:27

Who are these people commenting on your baby, I think alot of people make throw away comments thst are easy to take to heart. I know I had alot of 'fake' conversations during my DSs first 6 months as evereyone likes to coo over babies so just say the first thing that comes to mind to talk to you iyswim.

Trying4Baby1 · 21/04/2011 21:35

I get this all the time just because DD is forever smiling when we're out and about because there's lots of new faces and things to look at. Completely different story at home when she'll fight me when I try to put her in her highchair (fine once straped in but a battle to get there), fight me to get her bum changed, fight me when I try to get her to sleep etc etc.

People only see them for a few minutes and make snap judgements, don't worry about it. I'm continually getting told I'm lucky as my baby is so happy 'all the time'. They don't know the half of it and you're not the only one that struggles sometimes.

Guitargirl · 21/04/2011 21:40

YANBU - it's all relative and the benefit of hindsight is a wonderful thing. People used to tell me that DD was an easy baby - and if you saw her between the hours of 10am and 5pm she probably was. The fact that she turned into a screaming banshee for the remaining 17 hours of the day seemed to go unnoticed by others...

auburnlizzy78 · 21/04/2011 21:40

OP - You are totally NBU. I felt the same as you with my "easy" baby for the first four to six months, and could have written your post. Then I realised actually DS isn't that easy. Might not have had raging colic, eats heartily and generally good nature so smiles at new people and likes being passed around. Hence the "easy" title. But he's got eczema which needs treatment three times a day, is still a prolific and explosive crapper at inopportune moments , hates napping, doesn't like bedtime, is impossible to fill up and always seems to be hungry and can cry for three hours in a day for no apparent reason.

You're right, people don't see the grim stuff behind the cute little bundle and can make you feel so crap because they don't understand what you've got to complain about. Yes, grandparents, this means you! But if they saw the other 99% they probably would agree that the baby's not so easy after all!

CarnivalBizarre · 21/04/2011 21:42

I was lucky enough to have 3 easy babies and then had the shock of my life when number 4 came along and cried non stop morning noon and night for the first 4 months - but to be fair to him, he was having plaster cast treatment for talipes and must have been terribly uncomfortable and miserable.

He DID improve after the cast was removed but has never been an easy child, he will be 10 this year

Babies 5 and 6 were as easy as the first 3 so I am totally convinced that DS4's problems were all due to his having a rough start in life

CareyFakes · 21/04/2011 21:44

I had the same comments, still do DD is now coming up to 3. Yes, she is wonderfully well behaved, yes, she's polite, friendly, well tempered yadda yadda however, I battle with her daily. She is a hot head (like me), and stubborn, people see snippets and that's how our life looks.

I'm raising her alone, have done since conception (well just after ) and it's bloody hard sometimes and I want to scream at them but I just smile and take pride in that she truely is a dream of a kid and I have no worries.

I do sometimes flick the V's behind their backs and stick my tongue out.

leftblank · 21/04/2011 23:04

My little boy is 4 months and an 'easy' baby. I take it as a compliment for me and him when people comment and know how lucky I am. Most people are sensitive to know it is still hard work.

Pumpster · 21/04/2011 23:12

I take it as a compliment too. Would you rather they sympathise with you for having such a difficult baby? Both irritating maybe but I prefer the first!

BluddyMoFo · 21/04/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

roundandroundincircles · 22/04/2011 20:46

Fuck off BluddyMoFo there always has to be one twat doesn't there. If you actually had the abitlity to read you would see that I said she wasn't a difficult baby so no that doesn't make me feel better.

Thank you to everyone else for your advice and experiences.

OP posts:

ceebeegeebies · 22/04/2011 20:56

YANBU - I can imagine it must be frustrating but take it for the compliment that it is probably meant to be.

Babies are 'easy' in different ways so there is always more to what people see. For example, DS2 has been grumpy as hell since he was born (he is now 2.5 and still Mr Grumpy) - I often looked at other mums pushing their prams round the shops with their babies in lying quietly looking around etc whereas DS2 would be whinging away...but on the flip side, he was (and still is) a brilliant sleeper that I still counted myself lucky

EllenJane1 · 22/04/2011 20:57

My ds3 was an easy baby. He hardly ever cried or got colic. He did have lots of reflux tho', which was why he didn't get colic, I think. If he overfed he just sicked it back up. No-one wanted to cuddle him tho'. [busad] They didn't want to risk the sick! [busmile]

ceebeegeebies · 22/04/2011 20:58

I suppose what I am trying to say (in my wine-addled own way) is that nobody (stranger or otherwise) would have said to me 'what an easy baby DS2 is' yet he has always gone to sleep on his own, hardly ever woken up in the night and, now he is in a bed, never gets up till morning!

Depends on what your definition of 'easy' is

moomaa · 22/04/2011 21:19

I would go with taking it as a compliment. People are saying that you are coping well with what can be a difficult time.

However I do think YABU. All babies cry sometimes and refuse to sleep sometimes and anyone who has cared for a baby knows that but having a 'difficult' baby can be horrifying. Luckily I had my 'difficult' one first. Non stop crying is very difficult to deal with. No one really wanted to hold him either because of the sick risk (reflux) . I struggled to go out. When I had DD life was a totally different, magical experience. It makes a huge difference.

Btw now have DD2, who is somewhere in the middle and probably more typical.

jumpinghoops · 22/04/2011 21:35

roundandroundincircles- I could have written your op word for word a while back- my baby is now 11 months.

People constantly said this to me and my partner too-and I often found that because of the comments it was harder to express to him how difficult I'd found the day sometimes when he came home from work and I was knackered.

IME (having only had 1!) trying to get an over tired baby to nap/stop crying when teething/........, even if they are a 'good' baby is bloody hard work. However, I appreciate I have only had the one and a difficult one (which I too keep thinking about!) may feel on a totally different level of hard work.

All I'm trying to say is try not to let others comments make you feel you are doing a bad job (if you are knackered and find it hard sometimes). Over the months I have learnt to smile distantly, and move onto talking about something else.

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