Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to hate it when people resent you for having an 'easy life'?

46 replies

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 20:03

I suppose I do have a nice life but it isn't always easy. But anyway, AIBU to ask others to be happy for me rather than to moan, sigh, make constant references to them being tired, paid less than me, work more than me, etc.

I think I am being unreaonable actually, I need new friends :(

OP posts:

MrBloomEatsVeggies · 21/04/2011 20:34

Glad I read the whole thread because if I'd just replied to your OP it would have said something like 'Never mind others resenting you, I bloody resent you'.

Ditch the friend. Who can be bothered, she sounds a delight.

Serenitysutton · 21/04/2011 20:36

I would never think of this of anyone because you simply don't know what's going on behind closed doors. I've been rich and Lost it and I wasn't happy. It's a different kind of problem spectrum but who cares when you're bawling your eyes out in the bath or in a constant state of anxiety? I have a friend who thinks a number of our mutual friends have perfect lives but I know for a fact they don't. They won't share problems with her because she is unsympatetic and bitchy.

People who do this are unhappy and bitter op. If you're happy you don't care what other people are up to.

Bananamash · 21/04/2011 20:37

YANBU

I get this a lot! "Lady of leisure" comments etc. It makes me want to punch them!

We have had comments re my DH and my dad, who both earn a fairly large wage, but work their arses off in the city, leaving the house before 7 am and never getting back before 930 on a good day, regularly close to midnight. At least one weekend a month DH has to go into work. Of the last 4 weekends, 3 he has spent at work. He rarely sees DCs in the week. Regularly have comments about how much their proffession earns.... without people ever knowing how bloody hard we all work to get it. Sometimes i would LOVE to have someone help me get the dinnered, bathed and in bed and be around to talk with and make decisons together.

MaisyMooCow · 21/04/2011 20:38

It's hard on your friend seeing you doing so well for yourself but that's her problem not yours. You are blessed with your circumstances and you sound pretty grounded and appreciate it, not smug at all.

Before you trash the friendship see if it's possibe to have a heart to heart with your friend, she might try and open up to you, even apologise for being such hard work.

Enjoy your good fortune, it's nice to hear someone is doing well for a change.

MarshaBrady · 21/04/2011 20:39

If she hasn't told you, ask her what is going on in her life that is difficult.

(if there is stuff, if you want to make a last attempt!)

thefirstMrsDeVere · 21/04/2011 20:40

I agree that you never know what is going on in someone's life. So YANBU. She sound like a nightmare. She probably does it to everyone, it makes her feel better. If you and others who she thinks have a nice life are 'lucky' that makes her 'unlucky'. Therefore she has free rein to be as nasty and miserable as she likes.

I remember visiting my friend. She had the most beautiful house in the home counties. She was able to give her DD's everything they wanted. The thing was I was visiting to attend the funeral of her youngest, beloved DD. Our girls had both died from cancer. It struck me hard that day. You can have the lovelist life but its all naught if you are struck by tradgedy.

I dont think her money and lovely home have made it any easier to deal with her dd's death than me, with my little house and low income.

Conversely (sp) I cant stand it when better off people than me assume that I am jealous/resentful of what they have. I have seen a fair few threads along those lines on MNs and they always piss me off.

Pagwatch · 21/04/2011 20:49

Exactly mrsdevere.
Peoples lives are more complicated than they seem. Money(including lack of it) is seldom the thing that determines happiness, seldom the thing that defines people.
We focus too much on this shit.

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/04/2011 20:51

Well I was about to say Happy Birthday Lizzie and vive la Revolution!

Your friend sounds very draining. Perhaps you're feeling bad because you didn't stand up for yourself properly? I only say this because I'm in a similarish situation with someone and I am angry with myself for not having been more blunt with them about the real reason why they made up lots of crap about me (ie it's easier for them to point the finger anywhere other than at themselves). Sounds like your friend is doing similar misguided finger-pointing, and when you're the one in a happier life situation it's hard to be hard on someone who is struggling.

MamaVoo · 21/04/2011 20:53

Your friend sounds like a bit of a cow. What kind of friend resents what the other has? I had an ex like this - if anything nice happened to me it pissed him right off. You don't need people like that in your life.

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/04/2011 20:56

I have met many non-Westerners who are materially far poorer than all of us, but are so much more grounded and together, therefore more content. Money is helpful, but it's just money.

Original poster

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 21:00

I think you're right on all counts speedy - I need to tell her to shove off, or something less polite!

The thing is, in the last year alone I have miscarried at 10 weeks, had to resign from my job due to workplace bullying and had a relative with brain damage so I'm not exactly rolling in happiness and luck! Then I read posts like yours MrsDevere - my heart goes out to you and I just can't imagine, I am sorry x

OP posts:

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/04/2011 21:09

Crashing - I'm so sorry you've had such a horrible time. Presumably this friend doesn't know about this stuff - and there's no reason why you should tell her, you have no obligation to bear your heart to someone you cannot trust.

She is comparing her insides with your outsides. It is not an equal comparison and that's why she's got things so badly wrong.

How much do you value her friendship? If she's a valued friend I'd contact her and explain that you feel hurt when she says these things, and allude to the fact that things have been extremely hard for you but don't tell her why - I think you need to respect your own privacy. Also tell her that you think she needs to be more honest with herself about the things that aren't working in her life, instead of trying to blame you.

If she's not a valued friend, I'd wait for an opportunity to occur naturally when you can tell her these things.

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/04/2011 21:10

D'oh! I meant "bare" your heart!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 21/04/2011 21:10

Thankyou crashing but I wasnt trying to hijack your thread. I am sorry about your MC .

Original poster

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 21:14

You weren't hijacking at all x

She does know is the sad thing but apparently I should have done X Y and Z and it's my fault and never mind you can have another baby. I guess she's just a bit selfish. :(

OP posts:

CeliaFate · 21/04/2011 21:27

She's jealous. Some people think that having money leads to a simple life where everything is rosy. Bollocks. Having no money worries is a massive weight lifted, of course it is. But it doesn't stop you from having bad experiences/bad relationships/ill health/work stress etc. I've been well off and I've had no money. Neither made me happy/unhappy. It depends on what else is going on in your life.

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/04/2011 21:30

Crashing - I suspect she is hurting a lot more than she admits but doesn't know how to handle it.

forehead · 21/04/2011 21:46

Yes, CeliaFate, It really does depend on other things in your life.

OP, get rid of her. She's miserable and misery loves company.

A1980 · 21/04/2011 23:39

I think the OP has a point.

There is a member of staff where i work who goes on and on and on and on about her problems day in, day out.

I know how muhc money is on her wallet until payday, I know all her family and relationship insecurities, I know all of her job insecurities, she never shuts her mouth.

On the one occasion I'd had enough and said something along the lines of "i've enough problems of my own" she suggested I have it quite alright......

She knows fuck all about my background or my problems becasue I don't share them at work (except for a couple of people who I've become good friends with there) and she wont shut up about herself long enough to listen to anyone.

It's fucking annoying how someone like that assumes everyone's life is rosy just because they have problems.

RedbinD · 21/04/2011 23:43

Too much money is a curse. I never know whether to spend it on Bulmers or White Lightning.

seasalt · 21/04/2011 23:59

I think that if you are the type of person who is happy with your life and appreciate what you have, regardless of income, there are always other people who think you have it easy just because you are not moaning and whinging like them! Don't let your friend drag you down to her level of happiness (i.e. not happy).

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread