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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended that someone called me granny

50 replies

springydaffs · 21/04/2011 18:27

I was out shopping with my 23yo niece and her friends today and the shop assistant asked if I was 'granny'.

I am 51 and slightly porky re the menopause

I also have white hair.

But I'm dead cool, honest

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 22/04/2011 13:08

It's strange how "Grannies" have changed - My Grans were grey-haired, wore "old-lady" tweedy skirts, knitted, went on Sunday drives and did granny-type stuff.
I'm nothing like that and can't envisage ever wearing white cardigans, having a blue rinse or knitting stuff.

My MIL was 48 when I married DH and she was dressing the same way then as she does now (crimplene and acrylic trousers and cardis etc.). I was of a similar age when our DD got married and looking at photos of me and MIL at similar ages is so strange. Totally different styles and outlooks on life. Even my Mum who is older than my MIL doesn't dress that way and enjoys nice clothes.

I think that's maybe why people mistake others' generation because nowadays grans and grandads dress more youthfully and have a different outlook on life.

mumblechum1 · 22/04/2011 13:15

To be fair, though, white hair does, at first glance, make you assume the person is a "certain age".

My colleague at work has had proper white/silver hair since she was mid thirties (when I met her), and I just presumed she was mid fifties, till I realised that she didn't have any wrinkles

TeddyMcardle · 22/04/2011 14:02

RP I also once had an old lady tell me I was 'disgusting' I was flummoxed and only much later figured out she though dsis was mine!
'I'm surprised they let her keep her, at that age'

woollyideas · 22/04/2011 14:08

When I was 40 I was out with a 34 year old friend when someone asked if I was her mother. Before I even thought about it, I said 'Are you stupid, or something?' I blush when I think about it now but I did kind of enjoy watching the man squirm.

Salmotrutta · 22/04/2011 14:11

Some things never change Teddy - a relative of mine, at 15/16, used to look after her baby niece a lot and folks assumed it was her daughter. And that was decades ago when people were even more judgemental. And so what if it was your child? Where do people get off being so horrible?

I'd have been majorly pissed off about the Christian leaflet man - imposing his moral values and assumptions on everyone else. Cheek.

Salmotrutta · 22/04/2011 14:13

Why should you blush Woolly - his was a classic case of speak first and think after.

Original poster

springydaffs · 22/04/2011 18:13

I'e come to the conclusion that it is the white hair - though I've had white hair for years - grey first of course - but now it seems my face/figure has caught up with the hair [serious downer emoticon], though I've always had very good skin. I used to get endless compliments about my hair but they have strangly died down lately. It's the oestrogen juice no longer a-pumping I would've thought.. oh gosh this is just toooo depressing!

I really really don't want to dye my hair. I dyed it for years (red) but it is such a faff and so lovely to not be struggling away with roots. But I suspect I need to lose weight as that is a dead giveaway and is seriously ageing. I've turned my scales down half a stone as an encouragement so I can see what it looks like. (Mad but desperate measures)

OP posts:

anonymosity · 22/04/2011 18:15

Age 38 (slim, blonde, no obvious wrinkles when NOT smiling) with my two under two, in a double stroller - I was asked if I was taking my grandchildren out for a walk.

onceamai · 22/04/2011 18:25

Oh Springy I was out shopping with DD today (12) and bought her a pack of 5 size 8 M&S mini briefs for 6pds. I bought one pair of size lacy full size "the knicker" for 9.50pds . I'm nearly 50 and know just how you feel. But, when I was born my granny was 47, had a blue rinse, and wore corsets and a long line bra - and never owned a pair of trousers - apart from jodhpurs.

onceamai · 22/04/2011 18:27

Springy - the HRT has worked wonders on the energy and temperament but IMO done nothing for the weight.

Original poster

springydaffs · 22/04/2011 21:16

I notice I said strangly instead of strangely - a clear sign of how I'm feeling . The thing is (sorry to whine), there's absolutely no representation, anywhere, of women my age. Ok there are some but hardly any. You'd think the entire western world was made up of young people / families (I won't go into the size 0 debate - but could!) and it does make you feel [cliche alert] invisible.

I can cope with being a real grandma oncemai - though I'm not - but my g'children would be toddlers not 23 ffs! . Stupid woman! I'd been talking to her on and off for about half an hour before the bombshell. Bad eyesight, I say - probably too vain to wear specs . She was mortified. GOOD.

Poor poor you anonymosity! You probably went home and looked in the mirror for a long time, wondering what the stupid person saw to draw such a ridiculous conclusion. No? That'll be just me then .

OP posts:

RevoltingPeasant · 22/04/2011 21:25

springy that is interesting and sad. It's just what my mum (now early 60s) says: it's like she's stopped mattering to people after she stopped being 'sexy'.

She is actually in good shape - 5'9" and a size 12 and quite muscly, and dresses in 'youngish' clothes (FatFace) etc - but she says that people read men just look through her in shops or on the street.

I don't know if this would make you feel better, but my mum started doing serious swimming lessons recently - she is a good swimmer anyway, but these are more like 'training lessons' where you get coached. Or, I am part of a local running club.

Sometimes, it's really nice to be with a range of other women of different ages using their bodies for something positive and not just dieting for looks. I think it makes you move differently and take up space differently. Worth a try? :)

Original poster

springydaffs · 22/04/2011 22:29

Peasant, here's the secret: I feel exactly the same inside as I always have! No different what.so.ever: my mind and heart are exactly the same. eg I like drum&bass (I would say I love d&b, but that would be just too queasy), would love to eg go to festivals/clubbing etc. I have a whole range of interests but some of them are age-specific and not so easy to join in iyswim. Swimming isn't my thing but I recently went on a 10-week hiphop dance course and was by far the oldest: some of the people in the class were mortified that I was even there (as some will be who are reading this, no doubt). I'm not saying that to up my cool quota or be cringeworthy (see, I have to justify it!), it's just that I like the same things I always have, only now I can't so easily do some of them or be part of them; not because I can't physically do them or because I don't have the interest but because of how I look. Older men can get away with doing things that are generally reserved for the 'young' (older men are also totally represented in the media, usually with women who are so young they havne't yet developed proper hips)...

But now I'm seriously whingeing!! That's enough, as you were

OP posts:

OldMumsy · 22/04/2011 22:34

Put her eyes out with red hot pokers thats just so rude!!!

xstitch · 22/04/2011 23:16

My cousin was mistaken for my mum, much to her disgust. To be fair to the person who made the mistake she is 21 years older than me and was already married when I was born.

When dd was a baby a weird woman asked if her dad had got into trouble for getting me pregnant at my age (I was 28). I have been asked if I am a granny. I must have aged an awful lot in the last 5 years [buhmm]

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 23/04/2011 00:21

I picked my brother up from work. He was 19 at the time I was 35 (he was my mum's late surprise) I couldn't see him so asked an assistant where Lewis was. He replied he'd find him..

'Lew your Mum is here' He looked at me. Went a deep deep red which matched his turban beautifully..' you aren't his Mum are you?'
'Nope' 'You're his sister aren't you?' 'Yep' 'There isn't anything I can say that will make this any better is there?' 'Nope '

I've spent my entire plus 16 years old life being mistaken for my brother's mum.
On the plus side my brother adores my kids and now they are teens is considered the 'hot' uncle .....:D

mtw · 23/04/2011 01:25

i'm 38, and was asked if I was the grandma for my 3 kids - 8, 4 & 2!! now, i KNOW i dont look old, but i was a bit upset!!

Rubyl1978 · 23/04/2011 03:39

Well heres a better one! Im 32 and have a 7 month old son, went shopping and got asked if he was my grandson!! Gutted : ((

southofthethames · 23/04/2011 03:57

Springydaffs - YANBU. The shop assistant needs her eyes tested.

A bit of a sad state of society if people automatically assume a young girl with a small child is not her friend/relative/sibling/babysitter/au pair but mother.

ValiumBandwitch · 23/04/2011 10:17

you're 28 years older than her (is my maths correct?) and you probably look a bit like her..................

ValiumBandwitch · 23/04/2011 10:26

oh sorry! they said grandma! I think you should have said 'do the math airhead'.

Original poster

springydaffs · 23/04/2011 10:35

Thank you people, you've made me feel a lot better. If you Ruby can be mistaken for a g'ma at 32 then there's clearly a troll going around who makes these comments through people's mouths to create devastation all round.

I'm still going to lose weight though. Just going to get through the easter choc first mind.

OP posts:

Cambington · 23/04/2011 10:39

You have my sympathies - I had an argument with a very insistent 6 year old in my (9yr old) daughter's after school club because she wouldn't have it that I was DD's Mum, 'You're her Nanny - don't fool with me!' grrrrrrrrrrrrr only time I've ever felt like swatting a kid's backside er, well, you know...... However another of the kids in her class's mum is only 25, and I'm old enough to be her Mum, but I'm only 43! Waaaahhhhhhhhhhh.............

JuicyLips · 23/04/2011 10:42

My mum is always getting asked if she is my ds (5 in two weeks) and dd's (1) mum when we're out. She's a youthful 44, so quite plausible but annoying none the less. Once we were out when I was pg with dd but was covered up so couldnt see bump and my mother was holding ds's hand and a shop lady said to ds "Aren't you being good shopping with mummy and aunty" we were very confused then, who was supposed to be who?! Im 25 so could be possible.

pink4ever · 23/04/2011 10:42

I have a sister who is 13 years younger than me. When I was leaving school I had to drop some books off and was babysitting dsis(mum worked and we were her childcare). Horrible teacher gave me a look of disdain and said "I hope thats not yours?". Have since heard he was shacked up with a girl from the year above mine-pervy twat.
But I was cheered up last week when an old lady who was chatting to my dcs said to her friend "oh look at all these lovely children-are they all yours? gosh and she's such a young girl!"(disclaimer-I am 35,look it and only have 3 dcs!).

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