in feeling a bit lonely...

[SisterCarrie]

...when I see two or more mums out together with their children and I don't have any friends here yet.

Moved to DP's hometown just 3 weeks before DS was born, didn't join NCT as was too late (maybe it wasn't, but my friends in London said they had been put in their groups before then) and haven't met a soul - nobody talks to strangers at the baby play sessions other than through their children "ooh shall we go and get you some shorts for your holidays then?", which just seems peculiar to me. Haven't got the ££ to join things like baby sign / music / swimming / tumbletots.

I'm not sure what to do to meet likeminded people and I am limited in that DP doesn't get in from work until 8pm earliest - and it's v unpredictable as to whether he has to work late, so I can't commit to anything in the evenings as getting a babysitter at 6pm would be impossible!

Usually I have no problem making friends - but this is a very different situation than going to university or starting a new job.

Reasons I feel negative about the friend-making opportunities here:

• DP's friends' partners all work and their kids are much older than DS
• DP's friends' partners don't actually socialise with each other without the "men"
• The women I have met through baby things grew up here, have their families and own circle of friends - they don't need any more (also include DP's friends' partners in that)
• Most of the other first time mothers are around 8 years younger than me

I feel like I spent the winter hibernating and now we're out for walks every day, I just don't know where to start to meet people as I'm not going to be looking for a job locally until DS is older. Sometimes on our walks I see other mums who look about my age with babies and I almost want to go up like a nutter and say "hello, how old is your baby?" - should I?

yes you should. They could be just the same as you and are looking for someone to talk to too. This great weather get out as much as you can, sit in the park and talk to everyone you can. If they have children then its easy all you have to say is oh he/she is gorgeous how old ect. I moved to a village when i got married and did not know a soul for 4 years till i had my son and met people through him, library park ect. you will soon meet people,good luck

I agree!
You should definitely go and start conversations with random people in parks.
If it doesn't work out, you have lost nothing, you can just go and try someone else.
If it does work out, you might meet a friend for life.
Pick someone who looks about your age with a child the same as your DS and go for it!
I've made some good friends randomly in parks and supermarkets.
Good luck!

Yes do, it might be me! I have made some friends through having ds, but none I have really clicked with yet. And anyway I take a 'the more the merrier' approach to having friends. I do have pre-ds friends locally but they all work in the week.
I would love it if someone came up to me, not sure I have the guts myself but might try next time.

etc excetra not ect ,( idiot)

at playgroup go and sit next to the talkers and introduce yourself, for all you know they may think you are stuck up and dont want to talk. Come on sister you can do it . just think of the friends you can make not just for you but your DC too

OK - my challenge tomorrow on our walk will be to smile at someone with a baby roughly 9 months old and say something nice about their baby. I'll do it every time I go out this weekend - wish me luck!

Is it a really small town? if its a reasonable size there must be some activities on somewhere which are free or subsidized. But if all else fails then introducing yourself to people in the street/park on the bus is probably the best way.

Good luck SisterCarrie! :)
You could also try having a look on the local bit of mumsnet, I've met some really nice people through that.

I really feel for you as I can get complexes about going to playgroups and every one else seeming to know other people and chatting away apart from me, but I'm sure if you're bold then in time you'll come across some kindred spirits! It does get easier once kids are older and start going to pre-school and nursery I found.

Might not be at all helpful but the nicest baby friends I met was through a buggy exercise class as there seems to be something bonding about all getting hot and sweaty and out of breath together! (sorry that sounds slightly weird) I also found it brilliant for my mental health. I was pretty overweight and unfit but it was at a nice 'entry level'. It wasn't dirt cheap but you could always just sign up for one course of classes and see how you go, if there is one in your area. I think there are various franchises like Buggy Fit, Power Pramming etc.

So whereabouts are you?! Tell us and see who is near you! :)

Met three of my closest friends at a mother and baby group (free NCT thing) - we all hated the group but had felt obliged to try it due to loneliness. After meeting each other twice there we ditched it in favour of each other's houses and the park. Eight years later and we've never looked back. Just keep up the random chats and you'll meet some like-minded women sooner or later. Good luck!

have you visited your local sure start centre? have a look on mumsnet local.

where are you living? my dd is 5 but happy to meet for coffee if you are close to me.

good luck, you sound nice and genuine on here , i bet you will be a good pal to have, think positive people in general are friendly and lets be honest whats the worst that can happen, one or two may not be friendly back well who wants people like that for friends anyway.

Where are you? There is bound to be someone here near you?
Try checking local churches and see if any have "pram services" - ours is called Tiny Tots. Just a bit of singing and cuppa for 40p. Everyone is so friendly where we go especially to new people. They certainly don't try to push religion at you!

Thanks everyone! I am definitely going to try harder now the weather is so wonderful. There is a church up our road that might have something for babies as they did a children's Palm Sunday procession at the weekend. Didn't realise they sometimes have baby groups too.

I am in Sussex, but I know there's nobody near me on here and I'd have to get to Brighton to meet anyone. Will head on over to netmums (hun).

Really, thank you for making me feel a lot more positive - I think it's just the trudging along on my own every day that makes me feel a bit of the ladies who aren't alone. But I bet if I keep my eyes open, I will see other people on their own who look promising! At the very least, I'll be out getting exercise!

Our local NetMums group is really active with "meet ups" most days in the holidays and 2/3 times a week in term time. Hopefully you will find something similar in your area. Good luck!

Yes I also suggest try netmums meet a mum site, I made one good friend through that. Sadly (for me) she's now back at work full time but she's the one like minded 'mum' friend I've met so far (definitely not a 'hun' !!)

I just tread the pages and she sounded like someone I would get on with, but if you are feeling braver you could always add your own message

SisterCarrie have you tried Ladies Circle?

I know it sounds all WI and knitting-ish but when DH and I moved to our current area we didn't know anyone.

I responded to a local advert for Ladies Circle and then a couple of months later DH joined the Round Table (they are the male and female equivalent of each other). Don't just think it's for old biffers, we are 34 and mostly it involves socialising/drinking/charity stuff to be honest but then some of us do hang out/meet out out of Circle. We range from 18-50 something.

Initially there was not one in our area but a lady set it up and they seem to becoming more popular again now around the country. Worth a try even if you just go once I think:-

www.ladies-circle.org.uk/

You know what, you guys/ladies? You have given me new ideas and given me the boot up the bum I needed to try to make a friend or two.

Today I said to a lady in the park that her baby was really adorable - she smiled, nothing came of it, but I think that if we meet again, she might remember me. I've also looked into all the church and Ladies Circle in my area - they have baby things and they exist!

Best of all, I tried the old netmums and have DATE to go for a walk with a lady in my area. THANK YOU FOR CHEERING ME UP! All of you!

Glad you have cheered up. And FWIW, my best friends are all about 10 or so years older than me!

Good for you!