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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a little bit of sympathy from DH

13 replies

kaj32 · 21/04/2011 12:53

I'm asthmatic. Been feeling a bit run down the last few days but made an effort to get on with things (made sure housework done, tea cooked and baby entertained) and just rested a bit more than normal. It's not really helped and I have a sore throat and a cough and today started to cough up phlegm (sp).

Had my annual asthma review today and mentioned the above to the nurse and she had doc look at me. I have a mild chest infection. Not bad enough to confine me to be, I still managed to walk the mile home fairly comfortably, it just took a bit longer. Shouldn't need antibiotics, should clear up on it's own in a week. Breastfeeding at the mo so don't really want to take anything if I can help it.

Send DH a text saying that I've a chest infection and need to rest for a couple of days. He replied with 'they always say that, you'll be fine'. I know I'll be fine but I want a little bit of sympathy.

So I've decided tonight I'm not cooking tea. Tomorrow he is looking after DD. And I'm afraid I've not felt up to washing his shorts so he'll have to either do them himself tonight or wear his bloody warm jeans and sweat all weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:

GloriaSmut · 21/04/2011 12:56

Well yes. I think the punishment goes way beyond fitting the crime. But I do understand why you'd be pissed off at not getting a little more sympathy although if you are texting your DH at work, could he perhaps be concentrating on work?

Original poster

kaj32 · 21/04/2011 13:08

No, sent text when he was on lunch, having the sandwich i got up and made him this morning. He gets an hour and hides in his little office so won't be disturbed.

OP posts:

WriterofDreams · 21/04/2011 13:25

YANBU.

nomoreheels · 21/04/2011 13:45

Just be straight and tell him now that no, you aren't fine, you're under the weather and he'll have to step up for a few days.

I understand how you feel, I am nearly 8 months P, am at home on ML (still paying my full share of bills/mortgage, before the "you're at home" brigade get started) but all the housework and cooking seems to fall to me still, even though it makes me breathless and exhausted these days. I spent most of the past 2 days pressure washing and oiling our decking. I also decorated the nursery and sorted all the baby stuff by myself.

I don't mind some days, as I like a tidy house, and DP does say thank you for what I do - but there are days where I feel like a skivvy plus I am knackered now and I go on strike!

cory · 21/04/2011 13:52

tbh not having your shorts washed for you or your tea cooked doesn't sound a very dreadful punishment to me: if I did that because I was unwell and breastfeeding, dh wouldn't even notice he was being punished, he'd just get on with doing the jobs that needed doing

NewbeeMummy · 21/04/2011 13:59

YANBU - I'm also asthmatic and put up with generally feeling a bit run down and crap for several weekes, eventually went to see my GP (off teh back of a thread on here) and it turned out I had bronchitis.

I went on strike that weekend, because DP had kept telling me "You'll be fine, it's a bit of a cold" so I just plodded along, although if he gets a cold the world has to stop, to look after him.

Original poster

kaj32 · 21/04/2011 14:00

He'll notice because I'll tell him why

Do not get me started on the well you're at home all day argument.

No more heels, put your foot down now. He'll get worse when the baby is here. DH asked me when the baby was going through a growth spurt and feeding every hour what I'd done all day and would it have killed me to hoover. After screaming at him for a bit then crying he realised the error of his ways.

I still do 95% of the childcare and 80% of the cooking and cleaning but this will be reviewed soon when I'm registered as a childminder.

Course MIL thinks I'm evil for not looking after her DS better and why should he do even more soon, after all I'll just be doing a bit of babysitting gggrrrr

OP posts:

nomoreheels · 21/04/2011 14:22

Aye, we need to have a "how is this going to work once DD is here" chat and soon! I am guilty of avoiding it as I'm not looking forward to it - although I have been dropping a fair few hints.

However I think he will be good with actual child care - he keeps saying how much he is looking forward to changing nappies and meeting DD, and that he wants me to regain my social life as soon as I feel ready etc. and will look after DD so I can go out (yes I know he should anyhow, but it's nice to hear) It's just the housework/DIY that he hates.

To be fair, he's freelance, recently lost a contract and has been working weird hours. I've been stepping up to try and support him during a tricky time while he tries to get new clients. But it would also be fair to say that he never did much cooking or cleaning prior to that! He is lovely at bringing me treats when I've been down or had cravings, and on days where I've lost the plot he will step up there and then. But cooking/tidying/cleaning does not come very naturally to him he is a grumpy sod about it and he doesn't pitch in on a regular basis unless I tell ask him to do specific things. Take out the bins! Hoover the front room before your parents get here while I cook! That sort of thing. Sigh...

bubblecoral · 21/04/2011 14:23

Maybe he was just trying to reassure you. After all, it's a chest infection that doesn't need anti biotics. You will be fine.

You are expecting too much, my dh always sends fairly crap texts but in person would be sympathetic and supportive.

worraliberty · 21/04/2011 14:32

You've got a mild chest infection and you're punishing your husband for saying 'you'll be fine'

Sorry I think you need to grow up.

What on earth would you be like if you had a serious illness?

nomoreheels · 21/04/2011 14:46

Bit harsh there - she told him she needed to rest for a few days and his response was "they always say that, you'll be fine" - !

I agree that it's best to be direct though, and just firmly say "I'm not feeling fine, and I will need to take it easy for a few days."

Flippingebay · 21/04/2011 14:49

I'd be annoyed too, but unless he knows why you haven't cooked his tea or washed his shorts (that's if you would do normally) then the silent protest will probably go un-noticed and he'll just think your being lazy.

Just tell him! Explain he's annoyed you and he might just surprise you and be a bit more sympathetic when he gets home.

kmac80 · 21/04/2011 14:55

Wow, I feel like I've stepped into the 1950s here.
I'm at home with my 8 month old and while I do the majority of the housework my dp does not expect me to at all and is more than happy to step up and cook, wash etc if I don't feel like it or am just tired.

I can't believe that you lot think that just because you are stating at home to raise your children that it is your role to take care of the home....
I'm not a feminist but come on!

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