to say me and the DDs can't go to this wedding?

[RobynLou]

DH is best man for his v good friend in july, they haven't sent out official invites yet but we've recently been told where it is - in the middle of nowhere.

we don't drive and like most people with 2 small children and one adult on mat leave, we're not rolling in cash...

going would in involve train and long taxi journey for me on my own with the girls (3 and 10weeks) DH has to stay at the venue the night before the wedding. We'd then have to pay for accommodation on the night of the wedding as there's no way we'd get there and back in a day, and this is not a place with any cheap accommodation nearby - just lots of lovely (expensive) guesthouses.

DH met with his friend and his fiancee and told them we didn't think me and the girls would be able to come to the wedding, they were very unhappy apparently, they 'put themselves out' to be at ours (a wedding held in all of ours home town so everyone could get home) and don't see why we can't do the same.

as DH is best man should we spend more money than we've spent on our summer holiday on being at the wedding? I think not but what is the mn verdict?

On reply;

"Dear .... and ....,

Thank you both so much for the wedding invitation. Unfortunately, the DD's and Robynlou aren't able to attend but I am looking very much forward to attending and I'm reall excited about being your best man.

Kind regards, bla bla bla."

Or similar.

DH is staying over the night before so that he is at the grooms beck and call - I don't think we're welcome then, and I've never come across a guest house that would let a whole family be in one room, a couple and a baby yes, but not a 3 year old too.

Can you tell us where it is and I can help google for cheap places?

Or what about a free house swap for the weekend? It's really popular and there are really reputable websites.

the wife of the best man for our wedding didnt attend said it was to complex for her to look after their baby (whom was 1 at the time) and that she wouldnt be able to enjoy it and then neither would her husband.

We accepted it though i will admit I was disapointed as I got on well with her but it was accepted.

Why dont you say to the groom and bridge to be. You would simply love to come but it is to expensive for you and see if they might have a solution for you if not then they will be able to see YANBU

Either go all together the night before or say you cannot manage it.

Ah Ok, I was thinking perhaps the venue was a larger hotel...or that there might be an option for a family room. It's all strange to me, because in my experience of weddings, accomodation is provided for the Wedding party and that includes their partners/children as necessary.

I'm getting married this summer and we've made special arrangements for our best man's DP the night before so she can stay in the same place as her friends, then the accomodation changes on the wedding night so they can be together. I wouldn't dream of making people's DPs 'sort themselves out' so no YANBU.

My hope would be that now the B&G know what a problem it will be for you, then they will start thinking about how they can help perhaps? :)

ooooh, tricky one. I went to a wedding on a Scottish Island once, which was beautiful, but very expensive to get to, especially considering bride and groom, and most of the guests lived in North Wales.

It was one of DH2B's best friends, and we made the effort, and actually enjoyed the wedding and mini holiday. I think that if it is a close friend, you should make the effort, as long as you can scrape the money together. Sorry.

I'm getting married in July, and it will be local. I just wouldnt like to ask the majority of our guests to travel long distances. I personally think it is inconsiderate. Saying that we have some family friends travelling from Australia for the wedding, but they are in the minority, and are in no way expected.

I had my wedding in an out of the way spot, but there was a very good reason - one of my parents was terminally ill and could not travel long distances. So we arranged the venue according to their convenience, not that of everyone else.

I would just send apologies and say that DH will go on his own. They will get over it by the wedding!

Either send him on his own, or you all travel together on the morning - he's going to have to stay over anyway so that won't cost you any more for accommodation?

Or similarly, if he's having to stay the night before you could all go the night before, because you'll be paying for his accommodation anyway?

You might be surprised by the guesthouses. I bet loads would let your three year old stay with you - either on a put-you-up bed provided by them or an air bed provided by you. Lots of guesthouses have family rooms. Try calling tourist information, they'll know of any.

Again, it comes down to if you want to go. If you want to, complete with ten week old, then you should. If it's all too much with such a young baby then you shouldn't. Either way, they shouldn't be giving you or DH a hard time over your decision.

Assuming your OH has his own room the night before I'd go and just keep out of the way, let your oh and the groom do their own thing.

If they are important enough for your OH to be the best man I would really try and go. Or ask the couple if they knew anyone who could give you a lift, youo could easily fit you and two car seats in the back of most cars (although I'l admit its not exactly comfy).