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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to say NO to this? genuinly need to know!

22 replies

TotorosOcarina · 21/04/2011 09:05

Sis moved house about 8 months ago, DH is out of work and offered from day 1 to decorate for her.

He asked repeadedly and kept trying to sort a date for it with her DP.

So anyways they have now asked DH to help them.

On week beginning may 2nd...

which means that my kids will be off school and as i am due a baby beginning of May I will have 3 kids under 6 and a newborn too, or be heavily pregnmant with 3 kids under 6 to look after.

AIBU to tell her he can't help out right now?

OP posts:

Sarsaparilllla · 21/04/2011 09:08

How about saying, if he goes to do the decorating, can she come and help you with the kids?

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 21/04/2011 09:09

she has kids of her own so would jus make it en worse as she'd have to bring with!

OP posts:

nomoreheels · 21/04/2011 09:11

Is she paying him? If yes then you need to treat it as any other job I think. But if it's a freebie, agree that you should ask for help with childcare in return.

hairylights · 21/04/2011 09:11

Yanbu.

faverolles · 21/04/2011 09:11

If your dh repeatedly asked them to come up with a date, I'm not sure you can turn round and refuse now.
How long is the job likely to take?
Would you be prepared for them to give the job to someone else?
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but jobs at the moment can be hard to come by. Obviously if the baby arrives, there will have to be leeway, but until then, it may be better just to get on with it :)

faverolles · 21/04/2011 09:12

(the above is if it is a paid job. If free, Yanbu)

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 21/04/2011 09:12

its not a job, he wont get apid!!

hes just helping out.

OP posts:

grumpypants · 21/04/2011 09:13

But they are only off for one day? If they are paying, they get to ask for a time that suits them.
YABU.
BTW, I have 4 - it's not that difficult to be on your own with the kids for one day.

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 21/04/2011 09:13

and DHJ did this house top to bottom alone, BIL never helped us!

OP posts:

bellavita · 21/04/2011 09:13

How ridiculous and unthoughtful of them.

You are definitely NBU.

edam · 21/04/2011 09:14

say no. She knows your due date. They dawdled. Their choice to leave it until your due date. BUT if they are paying, you might have to put up with it (although check if it would affect your dh's benefits - don't touch it if you are going to end up alone with a newborn and kids and only have £20 left or even risk the benefits agency suspending his benefits).

squeakytoy · 21/04/2011 09:14

As the others have said, if it is a paid job, I dont suppose you can afford to turn down the money.

SmethwickBelle · 21/04/2011 09:14

I don't think you're unreasonable to ask them to come up with a different date, or say it will have to wait for a couple of months now - your DH will still do it, but right now you're expecting the baby's arrival. If she's waited 8 months to take up the offer, another two won't hurt.

squeakytoy · 21/04/2011 09:15

Oops, xposted.. in that case, tell them to sod off.

grumpypants · 21/04/2011 09:15

oh, so as a freebie, completely different. But if yr dh has been out of work for so long, maybe he should think about setting up as a paid painter and decoratotr, if he is good?

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 21/04/2011 09:15

Hes not a decorator.

he will not get paid.

He just offered to help out and they never started the work, but decided to start it now when I'm due.

OP posts:

Adair · 21/04/2011 09:20

I think YANBU at all.
Just say - oh, i think you might have to wait til I am a little more settled with dc4. I have just had dc3 (he's 3 mths) and while we kinda know what we are doing now - definitely the first week - and oof, being pregnant with two was HARD. Mind you, I'm sure I felt like that when I had one kid too!! So not sure the amount of kids makes a difference - it's the pregnancy/newborn bit that's hard.

He could counter with an alternative date - they are family, surely they'll understand?

(PS congrats btw)

Sarsaparilllla · 21/04/2011 09:21

Just say to them that he'd been asking them for a date because he wanted to get it done before the baby arrives, now it's going to clash so unforunately they'll have to wait a bit

If they've taken 8 months to come up with a date they can now wait!!

poopnscoop · 21/04/2011 09:24

Just tell them he will be with his kids on school holidays. Sure they'd understand this?

DreamsInBinary · 21/04/2011 09:25

They are being dreadfully unreasonable. They have waited this long, perhaps you can suggest they wait another few months. Good luck for No 4!

BecauseImWoeufIt · 21/04/2011 09:26

If it's a favour, just say he'd be delighted to help out, but that date isn't a good idea, for all the reasons you've given here.

Can't see what the problem is, really!

YADNBU to say no.

Zippylovesgeorge · 21/04/2011 09:29

Surely if he got a job tomorrow then you'd be at home with the children + baby?? Can't see the difference here - sorry

Flip