to think these actions in a DP are controlling?

[dollydoops]

-if DP has gone to bed and I am still up, calling down repeatedly to ask when I am coming up and what I am doing etc

• huffing about the way I do certain things eg washing up. Admittedly DP is a bit OCD about cleanliness but I don't think I'm unclean or unable to wash up properly
• wanting to come out with me and my friends- this is a big one. DP says couples should do things together. I think couples need time with separate friends
• grumbling if I come home late from work

?? please advise!

Doesn't he have any friends or hobbies of his own?

YANBU: he sounds controlling to me.

How long have you been together? Has it always been like this?
My advice is not to give in and to get him to understand that you don't have to be joined at the hip.
It'll probably be a bit exhausting but you need to do this.

All of the things you listed are controlling & would drive me up the wall and, if they carried on, far far away.

He sounds less controlling to me, and more anxious / needy tbh. All of those things would DRIVE ME INSANE!!

It depends. Do you go out with him as well as with your friends? Was he wanting you to come to bed so that he could chat to you? Do you perhaps not clean very well?!

I once worked with a woman whose DP made her come to bed at 8 pm every night because he "had to" go to bed then but didn't want to be in bed alone. She would lie there awake for hours. She complained yet put up with it. I just didn't get how she could live like that! She then went on to have a baby with him...

Could be controlling, could just be deeply unattractively needy. What's he like otherwise? Does he pay you any honest compliments, or is it all 'I'm telling you this because I care'?

To atswimtwolengths:
yes, we go out together a lot. No, when I get to bed he is there working on laptop or watching TV. Not sure about cleaning prowess but never had complaints before!!

atswimtwolengths - if the problem's actually cleaning ability, the grown up thing would be for him to sort it himself - not huff. Huffing's for 11 yos, surely?

IMHO personal space & having separate interests & social lives (as well as doing fun couple things) is key to a healthy relationship. I love going out on my own with my friends, my DP is cool with that & I encourage him to do the same. You can't be in each other's pockets all the time, it gets very dull.