to leave DP for playing Call of fucking Duty??

[travispickles]

...Would it be justified or am I a) hormonal or b)a selfish cow? DP is a teacher so is on holiday at the moment, but has started playing this game all the time. We have a 3 month old baby which he helps with although there have been times where I have asked him to help and then have to wait 15mins until the next break. Tbh, I like to play the occasional computer game, but there is something about COD that I loathe (the guns, the knowledge that the vast majority of players are either children, or a certain type of computer game obsessed person who I probably wouldn't choose to have an adult relationship with) and I find myself simmering with contempt towards him. I have tried to talk to him about it but he sees it as an acceptable past time. I also wonder if maybe IABU as I am tired/hormonal, as well as reminding myself a bit of my narcissistic mother who hates anything that doesn't involve her. God please don't let it be that

I'd think it pathetic!

He's a grown up!

Yanbu

I'm sorry but WTF has age got to do with anything, do you think Call of duty a 18 rated game is for children?

You people who think games are for kids are the ones who need to grow up, you keep moaning about violent games your kids are playing, read the damn box before you buy them age ratings are there for a reason, gaming has been here for 40 odd years get used to it.

I think that anyone spending their time 'gaming' (non-word) needs to grow the fuck up. I might spend half an hour on MN once or twice a week while DP is cooking etc but would never set aside time that could be spent either reading a book or with actual human contact to blow up animated creatures

If you are playing online that is human contact, thats talking to people and interacting with people in a fantasy world and unlike TV it's not brain rot.

So books are fine and gaming isn't? since when has reading books improved hand eye co-ordination, spatial awareness, lateral thinking, strategic planning and relieved stress and built up tension after a hard day?.

It's as valid a pass time as any other, you don't see me sitting here demanding you stop reading your stupid books and get into the real world, grow some tolerance.

i cant believe any one would think it was ok to distroy his game or xbox just because you dont like the game he is playing or the fact that he plays at all.

Would it be ok for him to destroy her computer/books or whatever her hobby is if he didn't like it?

He is an adult. He sees it as an acceptable pastime YABU, and rather controlling, to think that he should stop playing because you don't happen to like it. (I LOATHE COD by the way but accept that my 17 year old gets great pleasure from playing it so I let him get on with it when he has done the many other things he needs to do).

If your DH is playing it and not pulling his weight with the baby that's another issue, BUT looking after a 3 month old baby is not a 2 person at the same time job unless you make it one. Find some way of dividing up what needs to be done fairly and let each other choose how to spend your free time. It is really easy to get into a spiral of resentment when you have a small baby and everyone is knackered but life is much more pleasant all round if you can try and be nice to each other.

YABU about resenting the specific game. YANBU at all at resenting it taking priority over your very small baby. (Or, indeed, anything real world that matters.) He needs to get a grip and wise up on that front, IMO.

YANBU if the gaming is getting to the point where it's taking over. My DP likes a bit of gaming but it's just that - a reasonable hobby, a few hours here & there. It usually comes in bursts every 6 months or so too as he is very particular about which games to play. I am thankful that he doesn't like all consuming games with online playing too.

If it got to the point where it was hours every day, or every evening after work where it interfered with normal adult interaction, that is when I'd have to talk about it.

As for a 3 month old not needing 2 parents for care... Err, it's his child too. He should be offering to help, instead of needing to be asked & then making her wait til the next "suitable" break in the game. And how about just spending some quality time interacting with your family? Care isn't just about changing nappies.

Don't destroy the game, however have you got an old broken fuse somewhere that you can replace in the plug?
"look you've been playing it so much youve blown the fuse"

Confession : I used to be addicted to text based internet role play games as a student - always excused myself by pointing out I spent mist of the time on the chat channel.
DH now accuses me of similar crimes with mumsnet!

How long is he playing it for? I would be seething with contempt if I had to wait for my DH to do something with the baby (HIS baby) because he was playing a frinkin' computer game, a horrid one at that. I'd wait if he was doing something worthwhile, like finishing mowing the lawn, or peeling veg. for dinner, but not this. I'd expect him to stop watching telly or reading as well, it's all about priorities isn't it. I think most of us with young children only find time to do our hobbies (MN, watching telly, sewing etc) when the children are content or asleep.

OP, I have solved this problem!

I too have a tiny baby (16 weeks) and a DP addicted to COD (Zombies).

Basically I went out for the day with my mum and left him with the baby and a fridge full of expressed. It gave him a wake up call and now he has seen how hard I work to just care for DS he wouldn't dare just sit on the thing anymore. In fact, he now asks if it is ok or does the baby need seeing to!

YANBU. Gaming addiction is a serious relationship problem which is often swept under the carpet by attitudes (often encouraged in gaming environments) of "at least he's not down the pub every night" or similar. Except that, if he was down the pub every night when you have a new baby, you'd kick his ass and so would all his friends and family. Bottom line is, while he's plugged in, he may be physically present but he's not there or participating in your life.

I had a long-running problem with DH which lasted about 5 years and, seriously, I would have left him had it not been for the DCs. In retrospect, I'm shocked he kept his job, he was playing 8+ hours a day. He finally sorted it and we're good now but we'd be divorced if it had continued. It might be "only a game" but the impact on your life is serious.

I can see where you are coming from.

ExP used to play it a lot, to the point it was excessive - and even he admits that now.

It started with MOH, then COD then another game...there would be times where I've been waiting all day just for him to go to the shop for some milk - in the end it was easier for me just to do everything but I resented him a lot for it.

I hate having to tell DH that it's time to change the nappy. I would be really peeved if he was playing games and waiting for me to issue orders on how to look after OUR child. It makes me feel like I've two kids instead of one.

Have you asked him to limit the hours on the game? How much time does he spend on it?

I agree with Bonkers. I only get time for MN or other interests during nap times and at night. If DH was on holidays, I'd be expecting him to take the baby more so I could have a break for a change.

I can see why it would bother you; if you're BU or not depends on if he's doing his share of the housekeeping and babycare IMO. If he is, and you're getting an equal amount of down time then I think you just have to put up with him having a hobby you don't really like. If you're tidying up around him while he does not much else that's a really different issue.

Then again, I wouldn't be telling him to change a nappy - it seems to me that it's one of those things you either do yourself, or you let him figure it out, otherwise you're still taking overall responsibility for him taking care of the baby. (obviously within reason, different again if a person is neglectful/doesn't get what to do to the point it could cause some harm)

You say he does help but sometimes you have to wait 15 mins - if its only sometimes then yabu - everyone needs 'me' time - mine is also playing COD (and Im not a certain type of computer game obsessed person )

I suspect even if he dropped the game as soon as you ask for hep you would still have an issue with the game itself.

My DH is addicted to a game that he plays on his laptop but he is only allowed to play it when I am watching football or crappy reality shows. Which is probably why he has become addicted when I think about it

I think YAB a bit U although I can sort of understand the way you feel. I share your revulsion towards blokes sitting around playing computer games -- I hate it when mine gets into long sessions. But ask yourself honestly is it any worse than watching TV for long periods of time? I think a lot of this is the snobbery and paranoia we have towards computer games and we have to suck this up as long as it doesn't literally take over their lives.

At the end of the day, your other half works and helps with childcare, so its not like his "addiction" to Call of Duty is compromising this. As long as he is basically respectful and pulling his weight and its not harming anyone he should be entitled to kick back and enjoy himself as he sees fit once in a while.

YANBU to be annoyed if he's not pulling his weight. The particular excuse is a bit of a red herring, IMO.

I think Mumofaflump has the solution: make him do everything you do for a day, and see if that changes his attitude