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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell the estate agent the truth about why i wouldn't use his pet mortgage broker?

48 replies

microserf · 20/04/2011 22:11

i had an offer unexpectedly accepted on a house just before i went on hols. the agents called me at 3pm on the day before i went away. i told them i was going away the next day and i would sort out mortgage application when i got back. they tried to tell me to come up to meet with their guy at 4pm that day to get mortgage sorted before i went. no way, i sorted it out on my own terms with my own adviser.

anyway... they want to now know why i wouldn't use their mortgage guy at all as he was (i) free and (ii) i had already met with him before the offer was accepted to discuss my situation.

the truth is: when i went to meet him, he told me it would be best if we listed mr serf first on the application. i saw red got a bit annoyed as mr serf had no interest in sorting out the details of mortgages and had in fact dumped it all delegated it to me. also, although he couldn't have known this, i am in fact the bigger earner. but at the time i said yeah fine, while inwardly thinking - you wanker, it's not 1950.

it annoyed me that since i was the only one who could be arsed sorting out a mortgage, he still insisted on using my husband's details first.

the agent wants feedback - should i tell him just how petty i am the truth?

OP posts:

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 21/04/2011 09:29

Karmabut the OP says the broker had no idea who earned the most....so it can't be important except to his odd sexist mind

FurCoatNoNickname · 21/04/2011 09:37

Of course you should tell them. Explain that he was patronising and sexist. It doesn't matter if you would have taken the mortgage or not, the man's attitude reflects badly on the whole business. This is why estate agents/car dealers etc still have such a bad reputation - they still employ idiots like this.

CurrySpice · 21/04/2011 09:42

That is very annoying I agree op. It would make me fume.

It doesn't matter a jot whose name is first if it's a joint mortgage. Being named first doesn't give anyone any advantage.

And gnome, I'm not sure why, but your scenario made me just as uncomfortable

minibmw2010 · 21/04/2011 09:46

So the broker obviously assumed that your DH was the highest earner .. not good business really ... never ever piss off the person you are dealing with (whether its true and your DH is the higher earner or not). I really hate when estate agents try and force you to use their broker so good on you for sticking to your guns.

ChristinedePizan · 21/04/2011 09:48

I would definitely tell the EA about your experience. I get really fed up because I am a single parent AND own a house (that I paid for out of my earnings). EAs were constantly surprised there was no Mr dePizan. It's deeply irritating.

Quenelle · 21/04/2011 09:52

YANBU

If it doesn't matter why do it?

Tell them.

ccpccp · 21/04/2011 12:57

"but at the time i said yeah fine, while inwardly thinking - you wanker, it's not 1950. "

YABU. If you didnt ask the advisor WHY he advised putting DH first, you cant possibly know if there was rational or sexist thinking behind it.

Its a mortgage advisors job to increase your chances of getting a mortgage, and if having DH as primary on the form would help in your situation then you should have just gone with it, which of course is what you did at the time.

Dont let that stop a good MN sexism rant though

Megatron · 21/04/2011 13:07

I'd tell them to mind their own business.

madonnawhore · 21/04/2011 13:10

I agree with everyone else, you should tell them the reason why. I'd be really interested to know what they say in response.

Flippingebay · 21/04/2011 13:12

I'd tell them to mind their own business.

ChristinedePizan · 21/04/2011 13:14

What rational reason do you think there might be ccp? I can't think of a single one

Original poster

microserf · 21/04/2011 13:21

I think I will mention it. I feel a bit guilty as I should have said at the time.

ccp, what reason could there be?

OP posts:

activate · 21/04/2011 13:26

My name goes first on everything because I have sorted everything out

mortgage - insurance - car - the lot

I have never had any 1950s attitude in my life

ccpccp · 21/04/2011 13:50

Reasons?

Perhaps OP has CCJs?

Maybe the current house they live in is in DHs name and mortgage companies would have queried the changing emphasis on ownership?

Perhaps because they railroaded the OP into the meeting in the first place, they wanted to have DH as primary to avoid any misselling accusations. He should have been there for discussions, so second best was to make sure he was primary on the forms. Nothing could then go ahead without him agreeing.

No-one really knows, because no-one asked.

jojowest · 21/04/2011 13:55

YABU. If you didnt ask the advisor WHY he advised putting DH first, you cant possibly know if there was rational or sexist thinking behind it.

exactly my thoughts

Sarsaparilllla · 21/04/2011 14:00

YABU. If you didnt ask the advisor WHY he advised putting DH first, you cant possibly know if there was rational or sexist thinking behind it.

But if she doesn't give the feedback she won't find out what his reasons were, if there actually are any reasons (which I doubt)

Give the feedback, I would, it'd annoy me as well

edam · 21/04/2011 14:11

Bollocks. If the broker had a rational reason, the OP would know about it, because it would have been something she had told him and she was aware of.

And CCJs would affect both of them equally as a married couple and joint householders anyway. Rather rude to suggest the OP has a court judgment against her.

People can stretch their imaginations all they like to try to deny it but the most likely explanation is that the mortgage broker is a chauvinist. The other suggestions are not credible.

It may be surprising that you can still come across these attitudes today, but it is indeed the case. Sadly.

Original poster

microserf · 21/04/2011 14:14

ccp - erm no. we are first time buyers and proud to be debt free (we are savers so pay for everything once we've saved up the cash). that's partly why we are buying our first house so late in life - we wanted a good deposit.

the misselling point is complete bollocks - you could not escape a misselling liability that way.

to clarify my original post. i had had the meeting with their broker, he had made the comment about putting dh first. then, as i wasn't impressed with him, i kept on looking for a new broker. found a great independent broker (who actually gave me much better advice about what products would suit us - he really impressed me). it was only once my offer had been accepted the estate agents tried to railroad me into using their pet guy and were stunned i wouldn't even though we had already met and their guy was ready to apply on my behalf.

i'll give the feedback and ask if there is a reason. perhaps they can explain it to me. i'm not looking for an argument with them, as i am still buying my house through them.

OP posts:

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 21/04/2011 14:23

You're generally better off using an independent broker. As to whether you tell the agents that's up to you. I wouldn't. Because then he'll keep losing business over it

ccpccp · 21/04/2011 14:29

Of course they want you to use their broker - they make money out of it, and he'd already done a lot of ground work since your first meeting with him.

You shouldnt be whining about sexism. You should be feeling guilty about wasting his time as you no doubt walked out of his office without letting him know you were unhappy.

"but the most likely explanation is that the mortgage broker is a chauvinist" - edam

Because thats what you do when you are trying to win someones custom and a healthy commission. Be sexist.

Original poster

microserf · 21/04/2011 14:55

ccp, if i give the first broker completely honest feedback it would be:

"i could be arsed showing up and my dh couldn't, so why lead with his details? but also, you didn't bother explaining the products available which might suit us and generally appeared to find the whole process of advising me tiresome. plus, as you don't have an office or an area a bit removed from the rest of the office, I got to tell the whole office of real estate chaps all of my financial details which pissed me off a bit having all 5 or 6 of them listen in".

on reflection, i would i would be happy to repeat this all to the agent.

at least the chap i chose had some energy and put some real effort into helping me.

god, you aren't the broker are you? you seem to be taking a bit personally. as i understand it, i can shop around for a broker and use whoever i feel gives me the best advice. that being said, i got inundated with calls from brokers when i was house hunting and turned most of them down as i didn't want to waste their and my time.

OP posts:

CeliaFate · 21/04/2011 14:58

When my sister and her partner went for mortgage advice, the mortgage was going to be put in her name only (higher earner, they weren't married). The mortgage adviser wrote on the app form MR. X + FEMALE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say they went elsewhere.

Acekicker · 21/04/2011 15:25

Give them all the feedback - including the lack of private office to meet with their advisor. I would definitely mention the feedback about the sexist assumption - he'll continue losing them business if he keeps that attitude up. I refused to buy a car from a dealer as I was querying the legroom (DH is very tall) and he said 'well when your husband comes in to buy the car with you he can try it himself'... DH at the time was penniless student, I was earning good money and it was my car that I needed to do my job.

I went elsewhere and when the dealer called to see why I hadn't taken it further I said I wasn't prepared to deal with sexists, they apologised profusely and said they would make sure all sales staff were told not to assume 'the man' always had final say on car purchases.

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