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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not have my toddler in any structured activities at all

32 replies

microfight · 20/04/2011 07:27

I have my DS in nursery 2 mornings a week but many of the other toddlers, in fact I think all of them do something else, some do lots of structured activities during the week like tumble tots, ballet, etc etc.
It's not a money issue but I just don't want to be committed to carting my DS to structured activities on time when we'll be doing that when he's older for years. I prefer to take the day as it comes and go on a bike ride or meet people for lunch. Is he missing out?

OP posts:

MamaVoo · 20/04/2011 07:33

Of course he's not missing out. We go out and about a lot but nothing structured. I know of toddlers who have every morning and afternoon with a planned activity. Personally I couldn't be arsed with all the effort.

Kentmummy · 20/04/2011 07:35

I've no idea if he is missing out as my DD is only 3months old so no experience, but, I think what you're doing is better. As long as he's not stuck in front of the tv day in, day out.
My sIL puts her kids in every single club going and I'm pretty sure it's because she can't be arsed to look after them herself. It's easy parenting. I'm not talking about every class/club is lazy but I do think that loads of them is lazy. When you asked them if they enjoyed it, they didn't really.
Your DS is getting to socialise with other kids at nursery and then spending quality time with mum the rest of the time. Perfect I'd say!

1saidNO · 20/04/2011 07:36

Not missing out, Life is too short, do what suits you. There's time enough to be running around like a mad thing for "activities", when they are much older.

Sirzy · 20/04/2011 07:36

Ds is 17 months, goes to nursery once a week at that's it.

We did do tumble tots but he missed so much through ill health that it was a waste of money.

We do plenty of things together and I don't feel he is missing out. He is developing well and most importantly he is happy!

mousesma · 20/04/2011 07:38

YANBU as long as you are interacting with your toddler then it doesn't matter if it's structured or not.

I go to quite a few activities but thats mostly for me so I don't go stir crazy indoors. DD would be just as happy for us to be singing songs indoors or mucking around in the garden.

CareyFakes · 20/04/2011 07:39

DD spends 3 days at nursery, that's as structured as we get. We often go for walks, shopping, park, whatever we feel like of a day. I've never done structured play with her, shes not missing out on anything and developing well.

Leave that to 'clubs' after school and all that.

Bonsoir · 20/04/2011 07:41

The best thing for toddlers is to hang out with Mummy and other friends. A mixture of housework, shopping, park visits and playing, with some books in between. Much better IMO for a little child to be out in the real world than cooped up in "activities". Children spend far too much time in institutional/group settings these days.

working9while5 · 20/04/2011 07:41

This is the structured-activities-on-a-holiday thread but in miniature. Soon there will be folk along saying that structured activities are for mums with pokers up their arses whose LO's can't so much as take a breath without being validated by their parents. Then another raft of folk asking for more tolerance of the need to get out of the house and do something with their time that doesn't involve them having to think/clean up afterwards who say it helped with their PND/not having a garden/meeting new people in a new area.

YAB a little bit U, because I suspect that you know damn well that your child isn't really missing out at all but sense a good opportunity for more competitive benign neglect/rambling on about how cardboard boxes make the best toys/let your children roam free etc.

It's horses for courses. Some people enjoy these activities, some would rather gnaw off their arm then participate in them. It really doesn't say much as much about you as a parent as some on MN might have you believe.

working9while5 · 20/04/2011 07:42

Oh yeah, and I forgot the "easy parenting" charge.

Because heading to a church hall for baby sign for an hour once a week really is abdicating all parental responsibility. Feral toddlers, at the ready

WinkyWinkola · 20/04/2011 07:42

My ds2 is 18 months. He goes to Monkey Music once a week and one baby gym soft play thingy once a week with me both times. He loves those two. I can't be bothered to go to any more.

Just do what you want OP and I'm sure your DS is very happy.

Some kids and parents are also very happy to do lots of activities.

WinkyWinkola · 20/04/2011 07:44

Working I completely agree.

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 20/04/2011 07:45

I think it's fine! I have to admit if we had money I would take DD to swimming lessons, ballet or football because she loves them, but not doing anything like that hasn't harmed her IMO. She's happy and doing well with all the learning stuff, and is very good socially. I don't see that she's missed out. Didn't even do many unstructured things (stay and play etc).

I'm planning to wait until she's settled in school and then use the clubs there.

DS is slightly different - we are doing baby signing because his speech is a bit delayed. Did a fantastic 6 week intensive course and now doing a regular class but I don't think I'll renew as I've learnt the necessary stuff to do at home.

I am putting them on the waiting list for a gym club, but only because it's ridiculously cheap and DS needs to use his boundless energy somewhere.

CareyFakes · 20/04/2011 07:47

I'm one of those 'I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than sit in a room for of children and mothers'...poor DD

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 20/04/2011 07:47

Working, I see your point (and I've seen the threads you refer to) but I don't think that's the case here - I don't see the OP criticising people who DO use clubs like that. More a case of being worried her child is missing out.

Sirzy · 20/04/2011 07:50

I think it's important they get to mix with other children but it doesn't matter if that is at nursery, organised groups or at someones house!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 20/04/2011 07:51

we've never done any "classes"
i work pt, so dd1 has always been in nursery 2 days each week, and dd2 will go at 9mo. we go to a toddler group one morning, but other than that we just bimble - gardening, library, park, craft at home, odd day trip to a museum or farm perhaps every month.

i think there is a teeny tiny minority of folk who do that many activities that they simply do not know how to just "be" with their dc.

Original poster

microfight · 20/04/2011 07:52

working9while5
No I don't know whether IABU that is why I posted here. To expand a little I have notice at nursery and been told that he doesn't join in when they have structured group activities there. I was wondering if it's because he doesn't do anything outside nursery and therefore hasn't learnt to participate or whether it's just the way he is.
I was debating sending him to something to see if he improves with group activities but I really prefer to just take the day as it comes. Therefore I was wondering whether I am being selfish not to take him in view of this being highlighted at nursery?
I also don't think anyone is wrong for taking their toddlers it's just I feel a bit guilty because I don't.

OP posts:

Original poster

microfight · 20/04/2011 07:55

Thanks friedeggyandslippery that is exactly the way this post is intended. In fact I went online this morning to book something and then stopped because I just can't bear the thought of committing to a time and day etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

microfight · 20/04/2011 07:55

Careyfakes
that's exactly how I feel.

OP posts:

FurCoatNoNickname · 20/04/2011 10:14

YANBU. I felt I 'had' to do something with DD and dragged her to JoJingles for 18 months until it dawned on me that she wasn't really interested. Now she's nearly 4 and does ballet and swimming, both of which she loves. DS is 18 mo and has to make do with spectating his sister's activities for now until she goes to school in September. I may start him swimming but won't worry about it until he's old enough to state a preference!

Bumpsadaisie · 20/04/2011 10:34

My DD is 22 months and is at home with me two days a week, with dh one day a week and with grandparents two days a week.

We don't do any structured stuff though we go and play with friends, go swimming, go the cafe etc. Her grandparents are always taking her out and about or are gardening with her and all the rest of it.

Apart from playing at other peoples houses, she doesn't get a huge amount of interaction with other kids at the moment, but don't think she really needs this at this stage. Will think again when she is 2.5 (which conveniently is when DC2 will have arrived, and I will probably want to get her off my hands for a bit, bless her!)

jojowest · 20/04/2011 13:41

never done any structured activities whatsoever

we used to make our own activities, go to library, go swimming etc

im another one who couldnt bear to be with all the other mummies and babies - talking baby for an entire afternoon - erk!

Original poster

microfight · 20/04/2011 16:13

Thanks all, I don't feel so bad now.

OP posts:

sleepingsowell · 20/04/2011 16:39

My ds is 8 and still does no structured activities, except for school! He is just not that kinda boy. Even at 2 and 3 years old, he was clearly not one for enjoying structure; and personally, I think the pre school years are MADE for no structure. Free play is how kids are hard wired to learn. Hemming them in with structure is limiting them, I strongly feel.

(Not that an hour or two at baby gym is going to harm anyone, I just think free play is BEST!)

dixiechick1975 · 20/04/2011 16:40

One perk of DD doing swimming lessons and ballet whilst still at nursery as she was guaranteed a place when she started school. Classmates who weren't are still on waiting lists or get less favourable times etc.

If area has lots of classes/you are opting out of classes entirely then that isn't a consideration.

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