One of those inlaws WWYD do posts ...

[CBear6]

We have no contact with MIL or her DP and one SIL and her DH, basically they're not very nice people - I could go into detail but I'll just make myself pissed off so won't. They haven't seen DS since October either so we took the decision that as well as myself and DH cutting contact we would also bar contact with him. I haven't even told them I'm pregnant.

Today MILs DP texted me to say they're having a surprise party for the other SILs birthday, the SIL that we do still have some contact with, and we're invited.

On the one hand I don't want to spite SIL in her birthday or make her feel she's at fault. On the other hand MIL, etc hate me and have told all of their friends what a completely evil bitch I am so I don't want to go sit in a room with the inlaws and those friends. I also don't want to take DS to the party because why should she think she can act like Grandmother of the Year at a public party when DS is virtually a stranger to her in private?

I know FIL will have something to say about it because he thinks DH and I should just accept that MIL won't ever change (which somehow makes it acceptable for her to treat me and her son like shit) but my instinct is a polite "thanks, but we already have plans/can't get a babysitter/DH is working late" and just take SIL out for a drink or meal on another night.

WWYD?

Ring your SIL and ask how she would feel if you didn't go as you would prefer to celebrate with her alone as you can't abide your inlaws.

I would not go and tell SIL after the surprise party that you are taking her out for lunch (cos sounds like she knows the score).

That's the snag, it's a surprise party. If I ask her then I spoil the surprise.

That's the lines I was thinking of pancakeflipper

I think if your dh wants to go and it's important to him, you should be there to support him. But if he's not bothered, just don't go. You can celebrate your sil's birthday another way.

Follow your instinct. Don't go and take SIL out separately.

If you have made the decision to go 'no contact' then ignore the text. Block their number if necessary.

If you like SIL then do something for her birthday yourselves. No need to mention surprise party of course.

If there's any fallout then deny all knowledge of the text - say you had already blocked the number or something.

Sounds like your MIL is being a bit manipulative.

I missed that it was a surprise party.

She would probably rather that you didn't go and explained afterwards than have an unpleasant atmosphere or something unpleasant be said to you and ruin her party.

if you go it is likely to cause an atmosphere and may spoil sils party. i think she would be happy to celebrate twice... if you haven't a lot of money yopu could always do coffee and cake at one or otherrs house.

It's a no brainer. Say thanks but no thanks to the party invite, and talk to your nice SIL about celebrating the way you would have done anyway had you not had the invite. It's a total non issue imo.

If you've cut contact, why is he texting you? Block his number.

You've got to either cut contact or not. Half-measures won't work.

And tell your FIL that you are not teaching your son that we make excuses for others' bad behaviour.

Thanks everyone :)

Good to know I'm not being an unreasonable cow!

Evil answer - You could arrange to take her out on the same evening as the party, after all, she doesn't know about the surprise...

Nice answer - what others said above.