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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is quite rude?

36 replies

PossetFeatures · 19/04/2011 11:06

Not sure if IABU to think the following is a bit rude, but either way i'm quite pissed off!

DS is 11 weeks. Quite good friend of mine hasn't seen him yet, but works nearby, so probably we should've arranged to meet sooner. Friend texts last week to say she'd really like to come over and meet him/catch up with me after work. She says she's free on Tuesday (today), and as that's the only day she's free, I reschedule a visit from a family member, explaining that friend hasn't seen DS yet, and would she mind visiting another day, giving plenty of notice. Family member is fine with this (crucial to this story is that I gave family member plenty of notice, before anyone picks up on this!)

Friend has just text this morning to say that she is going to a pub for dinner after work today with work friends (I was going to cook for us), and can I bring DS there instead? I say no, as I normally start feeding DS about 6, and then put him down to bed by 7. She texts back and says "oh never mind, we'll arrange to meet another time". I text and say "Ok, let me know when you are next free, but next time can you give me more notice please when changing plans, as now having DS, planning social life is a bit more of a tricky operation?" (or something to that effect). Friend texts back "oh sorry hun"- and that's it.

AIBU to think that:

  1. It's rude to basically sack off someone because a better offer has come along, especially when the visit serves a purpose i.e. seeing DS for the first time. I'm not completely inflexible, and yes, things do crop up where you can't make it, but to blatantly say you're off to the pub instead is a bit 'off'?
  1. People seem to do this a lot these days (not just me, other friends comment that other people they know quite happily cancel/change plans at the last minute without seeming to care that the other person might have really had to schedule them in?)

I should probably get over it (and I will!), but it just makes me a bit, I don't know... meh

Would like opinions- will be back in a bit as popping out now

OP posts:
moondog · 19/04/2011 18:33

I fell out with a friend (admittedly last straw) when she invited me over for afternoon tea. Got 3 year old and newborn ready (hard work as dh was away and I had just moved house-alone!), tried to make myself look presentable and phoned to tell her i was on my way.

She yawned, then said 'Uh, could we make it another time? I'm a bit tired and I'm swotting for my fitness instructor's exams.'

I put the phone down and never bothered with her again.

Groovee · 19/04/2011 18:34

It's not my childless friends who do this to me but it was certain family members and after a while I stopped bothering.

PunkPixie · 19/04/2011 20:25

She could've easily came to you for a little while and then went to te pub. Very uncool.

jeckadeck · 20/04/2011 07:34

YANBU. Changing plans at the last minute because you've had a better offer suggests someone with a grasping and self-centered approach to friendship. She may be the kind of childless person who considers babies to be a bit of a chore and would rather be swinging with the singles down the pub. Still no excuse though.

mycatoscar · 20/04/2011 08:24

i have a "friend" who does this, I have given up trying to be friends with her to be honest.

YANBU

LifeInTheSlowLane · 20/04/2011 08:34

I have a child free friend who also does this. very annoying as the DCs really enjoy seeing her when she comes and get upset when she changes plans. I now don't tell them in advance that she's coming as I'm never sure if she actually will, and I don't make a huge effort (getting nice food in etc) on her behalf in case she cancels at the last minute!!

Bubbaluv · 20/04/2011 08:59

Yes it's rude and thoughtless.
If it makes you feel any better, one of my friends did this to me one, but now I can't for the life of me remember who it was! So you will probably get over it. Blush

CareyFakes · 20/04/2011 09:05

I figure she doesn't have her own children so has little understanding of empathy with those who do. I know before DD that's the sort of thing I'd have done, I much preferred a social life than sitting round staring at babies.

Her timing is very rude, she could be far more considerate. I can see her side though, but I'd be a bit miffed if a friend did that to me

mrsblackadder · 20/04/2011 09:08

YANBU thats rude. Dont trust her to stick to future plans either.

52Girls · 20/04/2011 09:24

Blimey, if she knew you were going to cook for her and still she sacked you off for the pub, that's not on.

PlopPlopPing · 20/04/2011 09:37

Wow she's rude!

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