To feel really inadequate compared to dhs family?

[Knickerbockerglorybuns]

Name change regular. I probably am BU but I'd like some opinions please. Dhs family are all really clever, highly qualified and interesting people. His immediate family include a professional surfer, veterinarian, opera singer, lawyer, physicist, professional musicians, professional actress, millionaire ,martial artist, plus dh is doing a PHD and has a good paying job.
Then there's me- non existent numeracy skills, NVQ, SAHM, no great job prospects. I feel really stupid when we meet up with them. One of them is quite a nice person, but the others look down their nose at me because I'm not as educated and intelligent as they are.
What do you think? AIBU and a bit over sensitive or am I right to feel like crap around them?

[givemeaclue]

wow your DH has a very varied family

DH chose you as the woman of his dreams who he wanted to marry so he obviously doesn't give a stuff that you aren't an opera singer, millionaire or martial arts expert. However, thats probably not what you want to hear so I have 2 possible strategies for you:

1. Don't feel that you need to compete with them. If however you do feel you need to compete, you can always position yourself as the SAHM Domestic Goddess in the family - seems like no-one has that role already so you can be the fabulous home maker. All you need to do is bake a bunch of fab looking cup cakes or similar (or buy them and pretend) and take them next time you meet up - they don't need to know you don't do it every day. AND it will be a talking point. You will be the Nigella of hte family
   
   2)also, are you sure they are looking down their nose at you or is it just a feeling? If you want to ingratiate yourself with them, they do sound like quite a fascinating bunch and people love to talk about themselves so if you want to divert focus away from yourself then focus on them instead 'oh do tell me about your life as a veterinarian/opera singer/martial arts expert' etc, people also like to be asked for advice e.g oh I'd love to learn surfing, how do I get started?'
   
   
2. focus on the nice one of the group and concentrate on them and sod the rest
   
   good luck

[givemeaclue]

...and I agree with ciske, I reckon they are probably in competition with eachother even if its not overt...it may be that you don't present a threat to their role as most creative/richest/best at x so you could use that angle. You could be the Most Laid Back and Not Bothered ABout Being a Top Professional at an Obscure Hobby

[sausagesandmarmelade]

Are you sure that they look down on you because you are different?
Are you sure it's not just your own feelings of inadequacy?

Be confident and proud of who you are...
Perhaps they are picking up on how you feel about yourself.

My parents and siblings are largely professional...nurses, doctors, teachers and business people.
Hubs is not....but very likeable and down to earth and they all absolutely adore him....as do I. It's the person that counts...NOT the profession.

[BooJonesMummy]

Same here. My OH comes from a comfortably off family, no credit, own their house outright have extension and brand new cars and seemed pretty perfect while I come from a skint family with mountains of debt and come from a rough area. When I started to chip away at the surface of my inlaws family (I didn't dig they told me) they ain't all that perfect. Yes they have more money than mine but they have a lot more problems. Now instead of feeling inferior and embarrassed of my family I feel grateful that even though we never had much at least we had eachother. Things are never as they seem.

Your time will come though :) Being a SAHM doesn't mean you're no good at anything else. A lot of my working mum friends think I'm nuts for being a SAHM!

[forehead]

Are you sure that they are looking down on you. ?
My bil's wife accused me of looking down on her , the irony was that i was really interested in her job and thought that she was a wonderful human being .
Love the ER quote.
You feel inferior, it's YOUR problem.

[Absolutelyfabulous]

Loving how people assume that if you are rich and/or successful you must be unhappy or not very nice.

What utter tommyrot.

There are a damn sight more miserable poor buggers than rich ones!

[nijinsky]

I remember, on meeting DP's friend's girlfriend, being asked in a snooty tone, "I suppose you're just a student then?". (this from a girl who had dropped out of her degree course and has never had a full time job. At the time I was working as a solicitor). What are you supposed to do with someone with that sort of attitude? It just kills any desire to be friendly with them.

Alternatively, I've had to sit and listen to drivel about soap operas and vajazzles all night from the very much younger than him new girlfriend of another of DP's workmates. I was pleasant and interested all night, but my head was spinning with the inanity of it all.

People do have these jobs and talents, its just part of the normal spectrum of human life. I'm a bit put out by the posts that suggest such people are either the incarnation of evil or have hidden problems. Read up on current affairs, practice your conversational skills and make a good effort, and they will treat you with respect no matter what you do.

[BrandyAlexander]

IME, people can only make you feel the way in which YOU allow them to make you feel. So, if they are actually looking down on you, it won't matter two hoots if you dont care and re confident enough in yourself. That's what I would focus on.