to not allow my 5 year old ds1 to play next door with their dd when the gate is constantly open

[sails]

on to a busy road. Its been a constant headache all holidays as I believe its not safe and ds loves playing with next doors dd aged 6. THey do not supervise her and they are never in the garden with her and I know that you cannot see the garden at all from in our houses. Yes they shut the gate but then their dd open it again even props it open as soon as they are inside. I have seen her do it. THeir garden is shared access rights ie we have to go in their garden to get to our back garden and therefore back door. Dh caught ds1 and next door child actually playing in a busy street the other week when neighbour had asked me if ds1 could play with her daughter and if she could take them to a field to play football. Neighbour was inside totally oblivious to the children playing on the street. Came to a head tonight when ds asked if he play next door I said no as I was cooking tea (and I need to watch them to ensure they dont go out into the street). I went out to get ds in the house and I realised ds1 had climbed over the fence to play next door and the garden gate was open again! He was inn so fast his feet didnt touch and I didnt allow him to play outside for the rest of this evening. SO aibu?

Not in the least.

You may offend the other parents by saying so but that's tough IMHO - your job is to care for your child, not humour other adults.

I'd have been bloody livid with the neighbour tbh.

Its been a constant nightmare during the holidays (this is week 2now!). She often has her cousin round to play a little boy who is almost exactly ds1s age. Ds1 loves going round there especially as there is no other local children for him to play with. My 3 year old has also learnt how to climb other the fence so the whole situation is driving me nuts!!!

Ummmm I'm a firm believer that kids need independence, even at a young age. I would say YANBU because of the busy road.

This was just the same last summer all 6 weeks holiday but now its got a whole lot worse since my dc have discovered they can climb over our fence! HELP!!

A reward chart with treats for not climbing tha fence?

YANBU.

thing is its the constant going on "can I play with x" all the time after school weekends and now the holidays. Every time he becomes aware that she is in the garden. I feel like we always have to be out and we can never let him relax in the garden just to prevent this. Also ds2 follows him and if ds1 is playing next door ds2 wants to and so it continues. I can never leave him alone.

I meant I feel I constantly have to take them out and about so I wont be nagged about playing next door. Its getting very wareing

A higher fence or trellis or those bamboo screen things?

Its the gate they climb over a small gate we added there was just a gap before. We are a middle terrace 2nd in and their garden is shared access and we have to go through to get to our house. Thats another problem!

THe fence itself is very high but they use wheelie bins to climb over it!!!

The gate is locked with a padlock our 2nd. The last one ds worked out the combination so we had to buy another!

My 6 yr old twins and 9 yr old play outside unsupervised and have done for some time. They play in our shared passage way/drive and gardens front and back-we do tend to shut the garden gate, but it's a tiny thing a toddler could open. They know I would absolutely go mental if they went out of the gate and I absolutely trust them not to. Dh is away for the week and they had a neighbour playing over today-this morning I told them I was going in the shower so if somebody hurt themself they'd have to come to the bathroom door to tell me!
My kids are loud and I can usually hear them, but you have to be able to trust them don't you? My kids were at school when they were 5-I think the independence of that went side by side with letting them out of my sight within the confines of our property. They were never allowed out of the back garden until theyy wewre about 4 (tied up the side gate) and now the 6 yrolds know not to go out of the front gate-they call me if a ball's gone over the gate.The 9 yr old goes off down the street withh the other kids off the road, but knows the boundaries-had tears today because I won't allow him to cross the main roads ( no traffic lights/crossing) to go to shops with other older kids, but he would never do it because he knows how much trouble he'd be in if he did.I will let him next year when i've gone over it with him a few times.

I wouldn't let your ds play there either-not before you can trust him to do what he's told.

thats it I think trusting him to behave

can you talk to the neighbours about the situation and see if you can between you sort out a better / higher gate? My main worry would be your younger child and surely your neighbours would understand that their dd leaving the gate open creates a big safety risk for your 3yo? As well as the issue with your 6yo of course, but there is the possibility that you should be able to trust him in the garden even with the gate open.

I don't get the bit about finding them in the street playing when neighbour had asked if she could take them to a field to play football - surely that issue is with your neighbour rather than your ds? (though you also need to be able to trust him not to go and play in busy streets clearly).

THEIR gate that leads to the busy is a standard big garden gate our gate leads to next door. They are away now til the weekend the relief!!!

well... i think you are being a little bit unreasonable

i think at 5 he ought to know not to go out of the gate, and you ought to be able to trust him not to.

I wouldn't be furious with the neighbour because all kids are different and they may feel that their dd is ready for that level of independence.

I am surprised that a 5 year old doesn't know that he shouldn't go out the gate and sticks to this. But as he doesn't YANBU.