to think my sister has no idea?

[unsurevalentine]

I am a working single mum to 3 kids. Every other weekend they go to their dads.

My sister is staying ATM and reckons there is not much difference between this and her situation.

She has been married for 15 years and husband has a very good job which sometimes involves working away and doesn't get in till 7 sometimes.

AIBU to think this is a) insulting and b) she is talking out of her arse?!

kittya that's true....it is dependant on the situation. My DH worked abroad for a year...so I was totally alone physically and it was very, very hard indeed.

Nobody to nip to the shops after the kids were in bed and you had run out of milk...nobody to share the load with....but now DH is back and does a lo even though he is on nights....yet some women who have a DH who is there all the time still gt no help at all.

depends what her husband does.
if she still does 100% of the childcare/household stuff when he is home, then physically it is very similar.
Can she depend on him in emergencies?

i have a husband who works away a lot and works long hours. and is not a hands on parent when he is here
he also does nothing in the house, and does nothing for me.
So I feel like a single parent sometimes.

Tbh I bet she's jealous of the time you get at weekends when your dc go to their dad's place.

If her DH gets home, sits down, doesn't help with the dc & thinks she does sod all during the day I imagine she looks at your life and thinks how easy it must be to never have to argue over parenting choices, put another adult first or do any of the tings that make some women say they had less to do as a single parent than as a couple.

YANBU, she is talking out of her arse, being a lone parent is really hard, especially having no-one to take over at 7pm and let you relax. When I lived with DS's father he didn't finish work till 11pm sometimes but I never compared myself to my lone parent friends (thankfully as i've now since been in their position and had their support).

I don't think it is insulting though as she may not be doing it intentionally, but instead shows how much she struggles despite having the help that you don't have.

It could well be harder for a wife/partner who has no help from partner. An extra person to look after, loss of independence, criticism, arguments. I think you are feeling sorry for yourself. I feel more sorry for the children than the parents, they are the ones missing out the most.

".. single mum friend who has every other w/e to herself and goes off doing child unfriendly things (hillwalking, nice hotels...)"

Blimey! I have been your standard SP then, who couldn't possibly afford to go away hillwalking and staying in nice hotels

She is BU. It always amazes me how some people don't have the capacity (intelligence) to actually assess what life would be like if they had someone else's lot.

She said this while her DH put the kids to bed and yes she is jealous if my kid free weekends and no I am not competitive I am happy, was just a bit speechless.

My single mum friend who goes to hotels and hillwalking has recently got a very rich boyfriend.

She is bieng unreasonable but at least its your sister!!!

Try having this attitude from your own mother. Mine continually tries to compete with me over "who has the hardest life" And I actually feel like getting the violins out for her sometimes.

I am single parent "complete" one if you take one of the above posters definition, no contact from the father, certainly no cash help.

My mother and her partner earn silly amount of money for what is basically paper shuffling, have a cleaner, someone who does ironing, gardening, the list is endless. But her life is obviously much more hard because she works in a "high powered job" a whole four days a week.
She even comes into my house and "inspects" my cleaning and critisises it. Even though she doesnt even do hers.

Hmm a single parent friend has said to me more than once that in her opinion it's easier to be the single parent and have the complete control over everything rather than be like me - my DH works away a lot. When he's at home, he's very hands-on, which is great obviously, but it does mean that when he's away everything is very different and the DC really feel it.

That's her opnion, I wouldn't feel that I could comment either way as everyone and every situation is different. I do know a couple of people who seem to be rather jealous of another single parent friend who has alternate weekends 'childfree' - erm, I'm not sure that they've quite thought it all through!

But I agree with others, it shouldn't be a competition.

I've been both a single parent and (currently) someone with a DH who has a good job, works long hours and works away often, sometimes at very short notice.

Both are hard in their own way and I honestly couldn't choose which was is harder. Being single was tough in terms of finances, but I knew where I was, how each day was roughly going to go, had my own routine etc. Now is easier financially, but in some ways it's harder thinking someone else might be there to help out or give you some time to get some rest but then at the last minute they suddenly aren't.

it depends on the relationship your sister has with her dh. Sometimes being married can be lonelier and harder than being independant and single.
i was single for a short time, and have to say, it was a hell of a lot easier than being with dh. It all depends on relationships and personalities involved

I don't think all single parents have it harder than those with a partner. Quite a few I know have their DCs going off to stay with their Dads every weekend, and have help during the week from their own parents or use the nursery. Meanwhile, a SAHM with a partner can continually be looking after the DCs and have no weekend breaks away from them.

I don't think it is automatic that a lone parent has it harder than someone with a partner.

Its not a competition but on days when I get in from work at 5.30 then have to cook dinner while driving kids to clubs, help with H/W deal with teenage strips and angst and have no one to bounce decisions off - no I don't think it's at all the same.

My mum also resents me as my dad walked out when I was born and he never had us, she chose to take him back but never forgave him. When my ex is being an abject arse she always says "well you get more of a break than I do" and feels I should be on my knees with gratitude that ex still has the kids

Married to a DH who often works away M-F. It is a tough grind. My family are all on the other side of the world in oz, so during the week have near to no support. On occassions in the past it has been just me and dd for weeks at a time. I have heard this type of parenting described as "semi-detatched"- not quiet single, not quiet connected.