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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my mother......

12 replies

stdorothymantooth · 18/04/2011 08:52

Had a horrendous few weeks, colicky sick baby, broken washing machine, dispute with landlord.so had a text from my brother asking if we wanted to go visit my family for a bit of a break this weekend (my family live 130 miles away) he said that he would have me, Dh, ds and my mum over to spend time with his family.
Would also give me a chance to take baby to my grandads for a visit as baby is almost three months and he hasn't seen him yet.
I accepted and said I'd call mum. When I called and said we were coming and staying over Saturday, before I got any further she said "oh well you won't have time to visit brother then"
I said we had all been invited to stay over at which point she launched into a rant saying she can't do that I have got to think about your other brother (a 45 year old man who lives at home, I'm sorry can he not look after himself?) And then "I have to bathe your grandad and change his sheets first thing Sunday, id never get back I can't just go reorganizing your grandad at the last minute" this whole time her tone was very confrontational and almost angry, I couldn't get a word in it was so bad I ended up making an excuse to hang up....
Now this is my issue, I have stayed at my mothers many weekends she has never been to my grandads (she goes after work on a Friday) fair enough that might have changed but she went shopping for plants at b and q last Sunday and stayed over at my brothers on mothers day.
She is ALWAYS coming up to see us last minute so the "I can't rearrange your grandad at the last minute" doesn't fly (either that or she plans these weekends ages in advance and only tells me at last minute).
My mum does have an issue with telling little lies and there were other examples in her phone rant
So I believe the real issue is either we aren't staying long enough or that we are not staying with her on our first visit with baby, for her to show him off to random relatives I never see or hear from who live near her. To be Honest all that matters in this visit is my grandad and I would rather spend time with my brother who I am very close to than randoms I can visit on a longer visit next time. It hurts my feelings that she would rather throw her toys out the pram than spend time with her children and grandchildren.

OP posts:
gorionine · 18/04/2011 08:56

Have you got two brothers and two grandads? Sorry it is just that I do not seem to understand your post really well.Blush

squeakytoy · 18/04/2011 08:57

does your mum live close by your brother anyway? is there any need for her to stay?

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 18/04/2011 08:59

Ignore her. You're not staying with her anyway, you're staying with your brother. Hopefully by the time you get there she'll have calmed down and you'll have a lovely weekend away.

She probably is a little disappointed that you're not staying with her, and possibly embarassed that she didn't think to invite you before your brother did.

nectarina · 18/04/2011 09:01

Stick to your original plan - don't let your mum bully you.

FollowMe · 18/04/2011 09:07

Stick with your plan and just say to your Mum that you'd love her to come and spend some time with you all at your brothers house while you are there. Also make it clear you will be visiting your Grandad.
She will get off her high horse and will come and join you I bet if you stick to your guns.
She cant have you all to herself every visit! Just let her know you'll stay with her another time, but this time your brother already inviited you and you are happy to stay with him. It would be rude to change plans on him after making them.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 09:07

I don't understand your post I'm afraid (your brother lives with your mum? You're staying with brother, mum or grandad?) But wanted to say don't let yourself be bullied. Just do what you want to do.

Groovee · 18/04/2011 09:11

You should go to your brothers and allow your mum to do all the things in her rant.

I think OP is going to stay with one brother and her other brother lives with her mum still

Animation · 18/04/2011 09:12

I'm also a bit confused. Smile

But your mum sounds unreasonable - give her a wide birth - keep calm and carry on!

Original poster
stdorothymantooth · 18/04/2011 09:43

Sorry I'm not very clear when I'm ranty, my older brother lives at home with my mum my other brother, his partner and children live about a half hour drive away. Sorry.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 18/04/2011 09:47

Do what you want to do - ignore her. If she turns up at your brothers she does and if she doesn't, it's her loss. Visit your brother, have a nice time - spend time with your Grandad and let her wallow in her own self pity/martydom!!

Cymar · 18/04/2011 10:33

Right so, you were asked by your younger DB to go and stay at his for a wee break and your mum starts ranting about your other DB who lives at home and should be able to look after himself for a few days or so?

You should go ahead with your plans anyway. If your DM doesn't show up to see your DC then I wouldn't be too bothered, after all it's her choice and she doesn't have to run around after your DB. At that age he should be more than capable of looking after himself, so your mum can spend a few hours with you and your family.

diddl · 18/04/2011 12:04

If one brother has asked you to visit, what has that got to do with anyone else?

If your Mum can make it over-great-if not, tough.

But if your mum goes, would she not take your other brother?

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