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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go dating even though I'm not available?

14 replies

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:05

My friend has asked if I'll go speed dating with her for moral support. I said sure.

Lots of my friends are on guardian soulmates etc and go for nice dinners and flirty dates. I really like the idea of meeting someone for a nice dinner and drinks. Social life pretty limited atm due to work/new area and fancy some no-strings flirting etc!

But I am not in the least interested in a relationship, or even a shag. I have tried online dating in the past but having 4 DCs does put people off.

I'm thinking about starting an online profile and not mentioning the DCs and seeing what happens? Or going on speed dating events for fun - are there canapes?

OP posts:

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 17/04/2011 21:06

What do you mean by not available?

Original poster

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:09

I'm single but 100% not looking for a relationship or even a shag.

Have found that the sort of people who replied to my ad when I was upfront about the DCs were not the sort of people I could have a fun evening with. Want to pretend am young free and single I guess

OP posts:

Georgimama · 17/04/2011 21:11

well you are young free and single, you just aren't looking for a serious relationship. So of course YANBU unless you lead someone you meet to think that you are going to disappear into the sunset together.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 17/04/2011 21:12

with speed dating don't you write who you are interested in and get matched up at the end, so if you don't write anyone down then there is no follow up and noone is "strung along"

i'd go :-)

TotemPole · 17/04/2011 21:13

Will you expect the bloke to pay for the dinner and drinks? If not I think it's ok.

You never know you might meet someone that changes your mind about being in the mood for a relationship. But then you'll have to come clean about having 4 children.

Original poster

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:17

No I'd always split the bill, don't like being paid for usually (makes me feel beholden).

My 'persona' away from the DCs is very different - outgoing and flirty etc, I'd like to do more of that. Of course if I did meet someone I liked then that would be difficult as personally if someone told me after the first few dates (pretending to be young free and single - I am not free!), they had 4DCs I'd be really put off and sadly I think that goes double for guys.

Not ticking anyone on a speed-dating form is a great idea!

OP posts:

TotemPole · 17/04/2011 21:17

Think about it some more, I don't think it's a good idea to lie about your situation. If you meet someone you want to see again, they could feel conned.

Aren't you going to find it difficult not to mention the children at all for a couple of hours. I don't mean talk about them the whole meal, but you could say something to drop yourself in it.

Couldn't you put your status as looking for friendship, rather than relationship.

Original poster

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:20

I don't think I would want to see them again though, honestly. Really not in the right place to be thinking about a serious P.

Good point about talking about the DCs though. I guess an initial 'getting to know you' thing would be easy to just talk about work, hobbies etc.

I'm not really wanting male friends either - just some no-strings male attention! Oh dear that sounds terrible

OP posts:

TotemPole · 17/04/2011 21:24

just some no-strings male attention!

That's code for a shag, so you can't put that.

Original poster

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:26

Oh I wouldn't put that in the ad, they'd think I was an escort!!

OP posts:

TotemPole · 17/04/2011 21:26

If they ask about your evenings and weekends, it'll be difficult to not mention the DCs.

You have time for hobbies with 4 DCs?

Original poster

loveruthwatson · 17/04/2011 21:27

Most of my hobbies involve the DCs, eg horseriding and fellwalking, having picnics. Out of the nappy changing stage thankfully!

OP posts:

TotemPole · 17/04/2011 21:29

There must be men out there who just want a bit of female company now and then for dinner and a chat.

Maybe see if there's a food/restaurant club near you. A group meets up and goes to a different restaurant each time. Does that sort of thing exist? I'm thinking along similar lines to a book/film club but for foodies, IYSWIM.

likesrosesnotthechocolate · 17/04/2011 22:01

YANBU, go for it!

I had a great time speed dating and using online websites a few years back before I met DP - it was really fun just going out and spending time with nice men. Like you, I wasn't interested in a LTR and didn't mention my DC as it wasn't relevant.

Everyone on them dates casually these days, so don't worry about committing yourself or getting stressed about paying for dinner - it's not expected that all dates are going to lead to something serious when there's such a wide pool to choose from. All of the guys I met were just happy to spend time in my company and were happy to foot the bill even if they knew it wasn't going any further.

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