Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to feel like I should have done something?

21 replies

missmyoldname · 17/04/2011 17:43

Was getting into my car next to a woman who was walking to her car with her husband/partner and approx 4yo daughter (presumably), and heard the her having a real go at her DD. Thought nothing of it as it is not unusual for me to have words with my 4yo DD about poor shopping behaviour!

Then they all started getting into the car next to me and I heard the following:
Mother: 'Get into the car you fucking little retard.'
And then shouted at her husband 'Did you see that? She caught my fucking finger in the door, stupid fucking bitch!.'
Door then slammed shut and I could just hear muffled shouting.

I just sat there worrying about what to do, and whether the little girl was ok and then ended up driving off. The people looked quite menacing IYSWIM, and I was worried at the time that if I confronted them they might get violent and I had DD and DS with me.

However, once I drove off I felt terrible, and stupidly hadn't had the presence of mind to take a number plate.

Can't stop thinking about that poor little girl. What would you have done? I feel terrible.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 17/04/2011 17:45

I'd have reported them to SS and taken the car reg.

I would also have confronted them but that's only cos I'm a twat with no regard for my personal safety - you not confronting them is likely the right thing.

dontcallmepeanut · 17/04/2011 17:47

YANBU, but do not upset yourself over this.

Can't believe some people though. agree with LFC's post

jojowest · 17/04/2011 17:50

how would you confront them though

saying along the lines of "thats not an appropriate way to speak to a child" is only going to get one response realistically isnt it

i really would like an effective way of making them reflect on their behaviour

MaisyMooCow · 17/04/2011 17:54

Scrote, they walk amongst us and breed unfortunately. What chance has that poor child got with adults like that around.

I don't think there's anything you could have said. You would have only prompted some vile verbal response.

sausagesandmarmelade · 17/04/2011 17:58

It's a difficult one...

If you had said something to them, they may later have taken that out on the child. I always glare at parents who F & blind at their children...sets a very poor example.

GKlimt · 17/04/2011 17:59

So distressing to witness this sort of dreadful behaviour. Poor little girl and poor you.

Really can't see how you could make them 'reflect on their behaviour'.

Hopefully, the adults weren't the little girls parents and only briefly ''caring'' for her?

WhatOnEarthIsIt · 17/04/2011 18:03

I don't think you could have said anything either. I wouldn't because I would fear the woman taking her anger at me out on the child. I might have taken a vehicle reg if I'd thought of it - but when something horrible like that happens I always think of the easiest best course of action after the event. i once saw a girl slapped across the face. To my shame I did nothing but gasp in horror. i have replayed that moment again and agian over the years with a hundred different endings. I think if it happened again I'd be more prepared and I'd know what to do - but at the time I was just dumbstruck.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

chocadoodle · 17/04/2011 18:08

It's awful to witness something like this. Unfortunately I don't think you could have made a difference by saying anything. Likely you would have made things worse for the child.

As you haven't got the number plate there is nothing you can do about it now. Hopefully they will be reported by someone at some point who does have their details and they will be dealt with appropriately.

Poor girl though but OP I think you need to try and forget about this incident since there isn't anything you can do to change it. Agonising over it will just make you miserable.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 17/04/2011 18:09

I would have taken the registration and informed the police.

It's little wonder some poor kids are so disturbed,

FAB5 · 17/04/2011 18:11

You can try and make the parents think by asking if they are okay. It often makes them think and gets the point across without them attacking you verbally.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 18:12

It makes you feel sick doesn't it.

I would have taken their reg and reported them to the police - I wouldn't have confronted them because I'm a wimp I would, like you, have worried about the children I had with me.

What I would have wanted to do would have been to pick the little girl up and take her home, then send someone around to 'sort out' the adults!!

But you can't beat yourself up about it, you were shocked and didn't get the reg, I doubt there's much you can do without that :(... hmm, unless the carpark has CCTV?? I'd be asking!

eaglewings · 17/04/2011 18:12

Sadly this happens, saw a mum scream at her approx 3 year old today who was cycling along the road in front of Mum's car, or rather wasn't cycling but crying. I too did nothing :(

2 months ago a friend was in Asda when she heard a Dad shout at his daughter and plucked up the courage to confront him. He had a coffee with her and 2 weeks later he and his OH started parenting classes. I still have no idea how she did it!!!

Originalposter · 17/04/2011 18:14

It's just so sad, but I don't think that it would have changed anything to have intervened.

You could donate to the NPCC if you feel the need to do something

Originalposter · 17/04/2011 18:15

NSPCC

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 18:22

Eagle, I think it depends on the 'look' of the parents, if it's a relatively normal looking person just 'losing it' I'd do that, but honestly, some people are so bloody scary looking I wouldn't risk it!

Nancy66 · 17/04/2011 18:26

it's sad but there's not much you could have done.

I intervened once when I heard a mother having a go at her son in a shop - calling him a cunt and saying she hopes he gets run over.

she just ended up shouting at me and spitting in my face.
Later occurred to me that i may have made things worse - poor kid was probably blamed for me trying to help him.

There's some shit parents around and it's horrible when you witness it first-hand

Original poster

missmyoldname · 17/04/2011 18:27

I would never compare this to someone just snapping in an out of character way. I am prone to the more shouty side of parenting I'm afraid , but this was really awful. Real anger and agression, and all this in a public, fairly busy carpark. God knows what they would be like in their own home.

OP posts:

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 18:36

Miss - it's really really horrible isn't it. One day I was getting into my car and I heard this guy shouting, f'ing and blinding.... and I looked up (as you do) assuming I'd see his wife/girlfriend trailing behind him - but no, he was calling this wee dot of a thing (about 3) all kinds of things... absolutely revolting language and he said to her (in the end) that if she didn't fucking get in the car now he'd slam her into next week... he slammed the door and sped off - no car seat, nothing. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get his licence plate and it still plays on my mind from time to time 4 years later, I wonder how she's faring :(

GKlimt · 17/04/2011 18:44

I politely 'intervened' to offer help to a mother pushing her toddler about and twisting his ear.sad] Fortunately for me, I was able to jump off the bus when she started screaming in my face and raised her fist to hit me. Her little one had to go home with her.

PunkPixie · 17/04/2011 20:39

:( Poor wee girl.

TeddyMcardle · 17/04/2011 20:41

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread