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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go back to drinking copious amounts of wine again?

49 replies

humanoctopus · 17/04/2011 00:28

I got so much support and helpful tips here in the past.

My life has been complicated, repeatedly.

I work very hard, had 3 jobs (I kid ye not) until I realised that I would die from exhaustion, (two actual located in reality jobs, one internet 2 hours 5 days per week stuff). People keep telling me that one should never shed an hours work during a recession, however, I just couldn't keep the non main jobs. I was falling into bed, creaking from tiredness.

After tax, the money was rubbish anyway.

Anyhoo, I had found that I drank way to much wine as a reward sedative to my lifestyle.

Life has stabilised. We have no great bills or draws on our income. Lots of stuff with the children, but nothing too difficult or unmanageable. My family continues to be difficult, but ok. I have terrific friends who love me and do all to support me.

As of yesterday, I really want to drink wine. Lots of. Don't know where this has come out of . I've finished a bottle of white. I'm a bit shocked at how easily its gone down.

Am thinking of opening more. What's going on here for me? I am perplexed at where this has come out of.

OP posts:

Original poster

humanoctopus · 17/04/2011 01:12

I don't know if I am in control.

I function well. No one is ever late for school, and I am doing very well at work. Everyone has a highly nutricious diet (we have a veggie, a gluten free, and a gym bunny protein devouring creature).

My dilemma, is that I think I am doing fine. My wine consumption doesn't appear to interfere with anyone's life. Except maybe mine.

OP posts:

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:15

hun i dont live in london nor do i drive a 4x4 or have a rich husband who works in the city (no husband!) so dont put me in the fruit shoots are evil camp!

who CARES if everyone else thinks you are doing fine - how do YOU think you are doing? and the only life that needs to matter right now, is yours. just yours. so for, what im assuming (maybe wrongly) is a long while, talk about how YOU feel. just you. not your OH or your kids or dog or guinea pigs. YOU

Original poster

humanoctopus · 17/04/2011 01:19

I feel crappy.
Every day. Doesn't matter how well everything goes, I feel shite.
Always and ever, I am self critical.
Wine makes it better.

OP posts:

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:20

why do you feel this way. can you pinpoint maybe one or two reasons?

thumbbunny · 17/04/2011 01:20

HO - your wine consumption will definitely interfere with your life without you knowing it until it's too late.

You should go to the doctor, I think, and ask to have your liver function tested. See if that's ok - because it doesn't take too much excessive drinking to knock your liver enzymes out of whack, and it's the slippery slope towards cirrhosis.

You don't sound as though you are in control, you sound as though the need for another bottle of wine is controlling you. So even though you are functioning normally and well, the alcohol already has you in its grasp.

How many units are in the bottle of wine you have just drunk? probably 7.5, if it's a decent wine. If you have another similar bottle, that's another 7.5 units. That's 15 units tonight. That's more than the recommended amount for the week.

I used to drink a bottle of wine a night - some nights, I managed only half a bottle and was very pleased with myself. But the next night, half a bottle wasn't enough, and I would need to open another bottle as well - and then sometimes I'd drink all of it, so was on 1.5 bottles per night. It wasn't doing my waistline any good, I wasn't sleeping well - I was going to sleep ok but not getting decent sleep - and sometimes I was a bit hungover in the mornings. Not always though! My liver was well practised at detoxing the alcohol. But it still wasn't good and I had to stop it.

Currently my addiction is chocolate - not a lot better, except my liver won't suffer as much - so I sympathise with your feelings of need - but be strong.
And go to the GP.

AgentZigzag · 17/04/2011 01:20

Yes, as exeteris says, it's what's going on in your head that's important.

From the outside sometimes nobody would be able to tell that I'm struggling like mad to keep my head above water.

I don't want them to know, but it makes me feel a bit...insecure I suppose, I'm worrying I'm not coping and don't know whether that's because I'm having an off day or because I'm just shit at this living stuff.

So is it that you're wondering whether the alcohol is masking something bigger? Something you think you need to address?

AgentZigzag · 17/04/2011 01:22

'I feel crappy.
Every day. Doesn't matter how well everything goes, I feel shite.
Always and ever, I am self critical.
Wine makes it better.'

Gosh, you could be me

I've accepted life feels crap when you're living it, and whatever makes me feel better is a good thing.

Although I understand this might not be the case for you.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:29

i will say all this as im hoping it will in some way help.

ive struggled my whole life with huge anxiety problems, panic attacks 4 to 5 times a day from 10 years old, i was raped at 16 while walking the dog, i got knocked up as a result of it, the baby was stillborn at 8 months, i went very "nutty" after that. was not a nice person! got things together got married had my first daughter, now 8, had 3 stillborns in 3 years after that, gave up after that, got divorced, panic attacks became normal life. somehow i discovered....WINE! no more panic attacks, oh it was bliss. drink 3 glasses of wine at night everything is lovely, oh wait, 3 glasses isnt working anymore, ok, 4 then, 5 then, 2 bottles, 3 bottles, 4, 5 and then 6 and cant go to work without some vodka in a sprite bottle. it does NOT help, it just masks the real issues. oh my GOD i know it feels great when you are in that fuzz of tiddly head the world is great my problems are minor but it doesn't help. im very aware ive just made myself persona non grata but if it helps in any way i dont mind.

if you have to drink some more tonight to get through tonight then do BUT make an appointment to see someone for some counselling as you are using wine as a "crutch" and you dont need it.

Original poster

humanoctopus · 17/04/2011 01:34

Wine always makes me feel better, is that a bad thing?

So, if everyone else's needs are taken care of, and house secured, no one sick, etc., where;s the harm?

So what if its me who suffers in in the long term?

I am already feeling miserable. Now I have a way to have a while in la la land.

Lovely.

What I fight with, is that is there really a problem with this??

OP posts:

ll31 · 17/04/2011 01:35

think you should look at not drinking wine as aim.. even for say two nights, then extend it... you'll feel better...

I know just how you feel!

thumbbunny · 17/04/2011 01:35

Wow Exeter - that's a very :( and life you've had, not surprised you turned to alcohol. But as you say, it's a mask, a sticking plaster for the pain - the wounds fester under the sticking plaster and it needs to be ripped off and the wounds cleaned out so that you can start to heal (Lord knows how you managed it though, with everything you went through :()

HO - what is it about the wine - is it the actual alcohol that makes you feel better, or do you like the taste, or is it both? Because if it's the taste then I can offer alternatives; but if it's what the alcohol does for you then you need some professional help. Counselling is one way - your GP can help with that as well, or, if you can afford it, you could try and find one yourself.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:37

there is something beneath this. you wont' answer the questions. are you too scared to say what YOU need?? stop talking about the house for gods sake, the kids and the OH. talk about YOU. your a woman for gods sake not an accessory to a house.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:37

thumbbunny · 17/04/2011 01:39

HO - look at the long picture. Probably not something you want to do but do it anyway. How old are your DC? Do you think they want to lose their mother to liver cirrhosis in the next few years? Do you want the alcohol to get more of a grip on you so that you do what Exeter did, and your consumption increases steadily to a point where you actually are NOT functioning ok but think you are?
Have you read Marian Keyes' books, Rachel's Holiday and This Charming Man? in both of those, there are addicts who don't realise what they're doing or that they even are addicts. She writes the characters very well, because she was an alcoholic. I'm not saying you are - but you could become one if you carry on needing alcohol in greated quantities.

Anyway - I know I sounds like I'm preaching at you and that will only make you defensive, so I'm not actually being at all helpful to you right now - but please come back and re-read this thread in the morning.

Have to go now but I hope you get more help from others.

thumbbunny · 17/04/2011 01:40

damn - greated = greateR.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:44

and the spelling police chose this thread. wow. go breastfeed a llama.

Original poster

humanoctopus · 17/04/2011 01:44

Maybe you are right, but I suspect nothing too dramatic.

I just love gettingoff my head and forgetting the rest of my life committments. I have to be ultra responsible at work, for an un believeable ammount of serious stuff, no one should have to bear this.

Any way, I have to get some sleep, as I only sleep for about 5 hours at a time, Maggie would be proud!.
, Talk again.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 17/04/2011 01:45

Are you saying about the house/DC/DH all being OK as a kind of measurement OP?

If they're OK, then everything is alright, because if it wasn't then there'd be evidence elsewhere of it in the house/children etc.

But that's saying you're not important because you're the only one suffering, even if it is on the inside where nobody can see.

Not true.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:46

Rachel's Holiday made me cry my eyes out - i saw her in me, but more than that was reading under the duvet when marian keyes talked about her addiction to the sauce and about how she couldn't make the correlation between the misery and the sauce.

ExeterisEasy · 17/04/2011 01:48

well hun everyone likes to cut loose and have a night out but you asked for help and you are backpedalling

ll31 · 17/04/2011 01:54

I think the fact you're posting here says maybe you're not completely convinced its ok... I was suprised, honestly, after drinking too much how good you feel when you start to reduce it... really! I think after a while if you're lucky I accept, you may feel that the not drinking gives you as much of a good feeling as the drinking does..... tho I accept thats not for everyone..

having said that, take care of yourself, if y9ou need few glasses to keep you going for a while then fair enough...but try and reduce it as soon as you can..

thumbbunny · 17/04/2011 03:36

exeter - there was no need to be so fucking rude.

dementedma · 17/04/2011 11:01

can I suggest going to the relationships board and finding the Brave Babes threads? We are a group of women who all drink too much and who try and support each other online. there is no judging. It has literally saved my life. please find us.

JaneS · 17/04/2011 12:57

You keep asking if there's anything wrong with wine making you feel better:

Yes, yes there is.

Wine is very pleasant, it tastes nice and it'll get you pissed. But it will also damage your liver, could kill you, and certainly won't solve the underlying problems that are making you feel bad.

This is a no-brainer, you know it and we know it. The fact that you felt the need to post this and argue with us suggests you don't have a healthy relationship with the ol' booze.

Come to brave babes, it's lovely and supportive and a much better place to do this than AIBU, which to be honest is the place to start a bunfight so you don't have to carry on the argument in your own head, isn't it?

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