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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have my judgy-pants on?

39 replies

RunningDay · 16/04/2011 21:47

Went to a bbq today. One of the dads was tucking into a plate of grilled meat and pasta salad etc. and when his 11 month old reached up very keenly to get to the food, the dad swiftly moved it away like you would if your baby was reaching for, say, a glass of wine or hot cup of tea.

Turns out that this child is fed only on jars. Jars for breakfast, jars for lunch, jars for dinner. The poor boy was practically salivating at the sight of real food, so I was really surprised by the dad's reaction!

Am I wrong to judge? Before I am flamed to a nice shade of charcoal, I of course kept these thoughts in my head and continued to make pleasant conversation with the parents

OP posts:

Gemsy83 · 16/04/2011 21:49

Depends what he was reaching for- if it was a t-bone steak then yes you most certainly are!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 16/04/2011 21:56

I'd have had to have hoiked mine up too... 11 months and eating only food from jars?! Poor bairn - I bet you were tempted to hand him something!

How are you connected? Sounds like they need a bit of encouragement to feed him real food.

backwardpossom · 16/04/2011 21:57

I do hope you have fire-resistant clothing on?

greenbananas · 16/04/2011 21:58

It's always wrong to wear judgey pants. Perhaps the child was seriously allergic to something on the plate.

wasabipeanut · 16/04/2011 22:00

I must admit I visited an old colleague of mine a few weeks ago and was a bit shocked to discover that her soon to be 1 year old was still on jars - for every meal. So YANBU to be a bit surprised.

I did try to encourage my friend to go for some real food but not sure if it sunk in or not. Her reasoning was that her DS refused some puree about 6 months ago so she's never tried since.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/04/2011 22:01

Was it an automatic reaction because perhaps the food was hot? Or perhaps the dad is just a greedy so and so. It's an odd thing to do, the usual reaction would be to give the child something, not necessarily from his plate, but something at least.

weedle · 16/04/2011 22:04

Off the top of my head...

maybe he was worried about salt content?

maybe son has allergies?

previous choking incident?

perhaps the son cannot cope with lumps?

Maybe the dad's just a greedy bugger

heliumballoons · 16/04/2011 22:08

Was he related to my ex-MIL? She used to buy my DS jars and more jars of food (and give them to me) - until he was 16 months. All the hints were ignored went unnoticed until I asked for a plate and gave him some of mine when at hers for lunch one day basically saying I'd rather go without to ensure he gets proper food.

There are 100's reasons why the child may be on just jars (allergies/ poor gag reflex to solids) so I would't judge until I knew the reason

LadyWithNoManors · 16/04/2011 22:11

Yabu
Their child their choice!

Original poster

RunningDay · 16/04/2011 22:14

ChippingIn, it's the first time I met them and am unlikely to see them again as they'd flown in for the weekend. Didn't want to risk offering unwelcome advice!

Re: t-bone steaks and allergies, the plate of food is a bit of a red herring. The part I'm really judging is the constant diet of jars only. It's not like the child is having first tastes and the parents can't be faffed to purée or whatever. We're talking the large-sized jars for every mealtime.

Kind of reminds me of the the time our mutual friend said to her 1 year old - "Come on X, it's time for your vegetables" and produced a plastic spoon and a large jar of grey gloop

OP posts:

greenbananas · 16/04/2011 22:16

heliumballoons, recently I heard my MIL talking to her sister about how satisfying it was to see lots of jars of baby food lined up in their cupboards. I think this might be a generation thing - jars of baby food were marketed to them as better than home-cooked food, and baby-led weaning had not been re-invented.

megapixels · 16/04/2011 22:17

He wasn't necessarily salivating at the sight of food. Babies that age like to pull at anything, he was probably just interested in seeing what was on the plate.

A diet of only jars must be pretty horrible though

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 16/04/2011 22:18

I'd be hoiking me pants up too TBH. One thing to wean on jars at 6m, quite another to still be on them at 11m, IMO.

Although there's nothing to say they are all mushy foods, you can get more textured foods in jars too I think?

strandedbear · 16/04/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostlady · 16/04/2011 22:26

YANBU. Reminds me of a woman I know who lectured me strongly on the benefits of bf- fair enough -,but then told me that yen weaning she had fed her dc only jars, as she was so worried about the hygiene aspects of real food

lostlady · 16/04/2011 22:27

When weaning

Shoesytwoesy · 16/04/2011 22:30

yabu
I always have a rule. when It comes to puddings dh feeds dd(severely disabled, not trumping just explaining) as she will pinch my pud, maybe the family had this rule but with the first course

howdoyoueatyours · 16/04/2011 22:38

How did you find out that they have jars for every meal?

Mumcentreplus · 16/04/2011 22:41

ahhh...I see where you are coming from..but you can't judge! and yeah..how do you know it's a jarfest?...

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/04/2011 22:43

Shoesy, OP explains the issue is with the parents' disclosure that they only feed jar foods to the nearly 1-y-o, not that they have issues with the baby reaching for an adult's plate.

I don't know what their reasons could be for only feeding jar foods, but don't babies need to chew in order to develop their jaw muscles/tongue in preparation for speech as well as eating?

Poor baby, they don't make birthday-cake-in-a-jar. I hope his parents relent and let him have real food by the time he's a year old

GloriaSmut · 16/04/2011 22:46

Could I just interrupt to say that sometimes I fail to see quite which generation are guilty of these "generation things"? Because while I accept that it was a whole 29 years ago when I had ds1, it was no more desirable then to feed babies on a diet of jars than it is today. And sorry, but baby-lead weaning was commonplace. Not all of us were shovelling baby rice into our newborn infants.

To get back onto the topic, I think YABU to be so judgemental given that you know nothing about the parents or baby in question beyond a brief encounter at a BBQ.

Bathsheba · 16/04/2011 22:48

My Dd3 has been camping with us for the last week and has only eaten 'real food' - basically a bit of everything we had. She was really sick 3 times, simply I'm sure because her tummy needs some blandness sometimes to give it a bit of a break. Since we have been back she has had a jar a day for 1 of her meals and baby breakfast cereal for breakfast...bland and yucky and horrid yes I'm sure, but she hasn't been sick once.

She will gradually move to more 'real food' all the time but at the moment she is happy and well fed, and not sick, on a sort of half and half diet.

You don't know the full back story, maybe the child gags at texture, maybe the child is sick at anything not bland....maybe the patents are just deluded into thinking it's 'better'

howdoyoueatyours · 16/04/2011 22:52

Might not be the case of the parents not letting the baby have finger food though. My dd was happily munching on finger food from about 7 months. DS, however, was nearer 10 months. He was offered it but didn't have great motor skills and would get frustrated and throw it. I fed him mashed food until he had the hang of it. If we were at a bbq he may have had a jar. If an 11 month old is going for a plate of food I would consider it sensible to move the plate away or the whole thing is likely to end up on the floor. I probably wouldn't have given any to DS either as he would likely have wasted it and thrown it everywhere.
DS is 14 months now and happily munching away on anything and everything so going at his pace hasn't left him unable to chew.
OP YABU.

Original poster

RunningDay · 16/04/2011 22:59

Oh, I did ask casually, and they told me they only give him jars. Plus went through his routine of which purees when.

I'm sure some of you would judge me too- my own 2.3yo ate nothing but biscuits and strawberries this afternoon! Not an everyday occurrence, but I'm not puritanical

OP posts:

Carrotsandcelery · 16/04/2011 23:02

My dniece is now a year and a half old (17 months). She was still fed on jars, the completely smooth fully pureed sort.

I didn't know this and when she was in my care I took her out for lunch, fed her a ham sandwich, 2 yogurts, a tub of chopped fruit etc. She was scoffing it like there was no tomorrow.

I was mortified when I returned her to my SIL and told her what she had eaten (as you do with children that age) and SIL told me she had never had anything but pureed jars. I was scared she would never let me near her again.

BIL was over the moon though as he, apparently, had been trying to get SIL to feed her more age appropriate food for months and months.

I had never realised because whenever we ate together (restaurants or at each others' houses) we were always told that dn had already eaten. I found it a bit odd but my SIL is a bit odd sometimes so I didn't really bat an eyelid.

BIL took it as the green light to feed dn "normal" food and she didn't need any persuasion to cooperate and SIL seems to have forgiven me.

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