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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with my mum for this?

46 replies

Moulesfrites · 16/04/2011 20:44

I gave birth to ds 12 weeks ago and am planning on being on mat leave for a year, then returning full time. Dh is going to go part time to look after ds and he will go to nursery the other days. I was talking to my friend from work the other day and apparently my boss has applied for another job, which means her position will be vacant if she is successful. I mentioned this in passing to my mum, who then asked if I would be going for it.

I feel upset that my mum would even think this was a possibility for me. It is an incredibly stressful role. I do not feel I have sufficient experience or skills yet to do the job, and when I do return to work I want to be able to spend time when I am not at work with ds, which will be hard enough in my ordinary job, never mind the position in question. I feel that my family are my priority and there will be plenty of time in the future to progress in my career as I am 27, and according to the daily mail, will probably have go work until I am 80 anyway! I am thinking about having a second dc in the next 2/3 year and then maybe going part time, so applying for this post is so not even on my radar, and I was shocked when my mum even suggested it - she is so supportive but I feel weirdly upset by the fact that our ideas are so far apart. Tbf I dont think she realizes how demanding this role would be and how run into the ground I would be if I took it on....

I think I am just feeling sensitive about the whole work issue tbh, and as if i am being pulled in different directions - my pil are funny about me going back to work at all....

Pleas talk some sense into me as this has quite upset me and I'm not sure why....

OP posts:

Original poster

Moulesfrites · 16/04/2011 21:21

Really mama? I suppose I think this because there're women at my work in senior positions in their 40s and 50s with older children, so I have always thought making progress would not be as much of a priority whilst my children are very young....

OP posts:

jojowest · 16/04/2011 21:23

i started a new career at 35, no probs at all

FlamingJamie · 16/04/2011 21:24

mama - You may be right but I'm not sure this will help the OP much right at this moment when the thought of going back to work at all, and when her DC is only 3 months old, is stressing her out

microserf · 16/04/2011 21:24

YABquiteU, she just sounds proud of you. I think FlamingJamie has a point - do you feel you SHOULD be applying for the role? If so, let that go and focus on what's important to you right now. We can't do everything and we would go mad trying.

And I suspect you are being a bit oversensitive about the PILs, have they actually said anything?

FlamingJamie · 16/04/2011 21:24

I am starting a new career at 41.

Original poster

Moulesfrites · 16/04/2011 21:26

Microserf, no not explicitly, just a few comments which have implied this, plus the fact that mil was always a sahm...

OP posts:

Georgimama · 16/04/2011 21:27

that doesn't mean a thing. she may have been incredibly frustrated.

FlamingJamie · 16/04/2011 21:29

Moules - if she has got an issue, which she might not have, then it's her issue. She may look at younger women and wish she'd had a career. She may be so smug she can't see another POV. You just don't know and you can't operate on that basis..

Try and relax. I hope things are going well with the baby. It can be a very hard time (IME)

MillsAndDoom · 16/04/2011 21:35

I think it's lovely that your Mum obviously has confidence in your abilities, so YAB a wee bit U

Lipsofchicken · 16/04/2011 21:36

Really, is that ALL you have to worry about?

Get over it - dont sweat the small stuff

Onetoomanycornettos · 16/04/2011 21:40

Moules, I don't think your mum meant anything other than being supportive and interested. You are probably sleep-deprived and it seemed to mean something, but if it did, it was more a comment to show she had faith in you. This is actually fantastic, in my experience, if you have a supportive family, it's much easier to have a career and children, in fact I would say it is essential.

Personally, I don't think it is crazy to think of promotion, if you are the one going back full-time and your husband is going part-time. It is certainly worth thinking about, even if you then dismiss the idea for now.

As for what the in-laws think, as everyone says, you are going to have to develop a tougher skin, as lots of people will have opinions on what you do (just as perhaps you have opinions on the way they run their lives and the decisions they make). As yet, you are not confident enough in your own choices to feel secure in them and that's why you are worrying what everyone thinks.

Try not to let little comments get to you, especially ones as innocuous at that one, try going back after maternity leave and see what suits you and your family. Keep flexible too, it may be that promotion may suit you, if you are away from your LO quite a bit full-time then you may as well work for more money and have some control over what you do (that's why I want promotion anyway!)

microserf · 16/04/2011 22:31

Ah, don't worry, my PILs are always dropping largish hints and i just keep ignoring them as long as DH and the DCs are happy, no one else gets an opinion!

microserf · 16/04/2011 22:33

PS OP I was a little tough on you as I was exactly the same after the birth of first dc, I do very much understand where you are coming from. Now our family is complete after dc2, things have really changed.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 16/04/2011 23:26

LipsOfChicken - you do realise this is AIBU not TITOTIHTWA don't you?

melpomene · 16/04/2011 23:40

TITOTIHTWA?

TransatlanticCityGirl · 17/04/2011 00:08

If ever anyone was being completely and madly unreasonable, it would be you! Sorry! :)

MadamDeathstare · 17/04/2011 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/04/2011 01:21

I think you are being oversensitive, but yanbu as you have a 12 week old baby.

It's easy to take things the wrong way wheny ou have a small baby :) Take it as a complment

ll31 · 17/04/2011 01:37

she's just being a mother.. convinced you can do anything ! You do what you feel comfortable with but knowing that she thinks you're great - while equally she's your mother so has no understanding of what your job and/ or promotion would actually mean... I think her attitude is really nice actually

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 06:33

Melp... This Is The Only Thing I Have To Worry About

Lipsofchicken · 17/04/2011 07:46

Chipping, what does TITOTIHTWA mean?

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