To think I'll never feel so special again?

[ShushBaby]

When I was pregnant with dd (my first and only child so far), I felt really special and- though this phrase makes me a gip a little, it is appropriate- like a princess. Sickness and waddling aside, it was, looking back, a wonderfully indulgent and pampered time. My partner and family bent over backwards to make sure my needs were attended to. I did my nails, shaved my legs, had relaxing baths, and looked better than I did before, sort of glowy and blossoming, I suppose. Me and dp went out for as many meals as we could afford, and had a romantic time. I spent so much time engrossed in the fine details of the pregnancy- what I could and couldn't eat/drink, going to pregnancy yoga etc etc. And everyone around me seemed totally fascinated by it too, as I was the first of my friends and siblings to reproduce. I was, well, spoiled. It was great!

Now a friend of mine is pregnant for the first time and it's brought it all back. It's made me feel a bit sad and a bit envious, if I'm honest, because I don't believe I'll ever recapture those smug days. Life is wonderful now, I wouldn't change it for anything. I feel special when my daughter hugs me, my partner still loves and respects me- but inevitably we don't have much time for gazing into each other's eyes, and we do end up talking about dd more than anything else. There's certainly no time for pampering and relaxing (or if there is, I'm watching the clock before getting back to the front line of parenting); my basic mode is sort of bedraggled and harried. There's no reason for anyone to find me fascinating! In fact I feel fairly invisible as I hurry along with the buggy, late for playgroup. And I wonder if I'll ever feel (gip) like a princess again. Even if/when I'm pregnant again, everyone including me will take it much more in their stride and I'll just get on with it, dp and I will quite rightly be focused on keeping the family machine turning over instead of swanning around seeking out delicious non-alcoholic beverages for me, and booking mum-to-be treatments. I won't look glowy and blossoming, I'll look knackered and slightly flabby like I do now, and will be wearing maternity clothes recycled from 2009. Then I'll be mired in family life for the next X years, and then (this is possibly a terrible thing to think) I reckon I'll just feel a bit old and past it.

I'm not complaining, honest, and I'm not upset about it. But I do feel wistful for that first-pregnancy feeling.

AIBU? Do we just give up that side of ourselves when we become mums? Or am I just in the trenches of having a one-year-old and might one day feel like a fascinating, attractive woman?!

you are very lucky, cherish those memories.

my partner (now dh) had children from a previous relationship and my mum and dad already had 2 grandkids via my brother and lived a long way away at the time. so i NEVER got the "princess" or "cherished vessel of life" stuff at all. plus i was working weird shifts until i was just too big to manage so not much time for romantic meals etc.

nobody will probably treat you like that again, so it is up to you to take care of yourself as well as everybody round you, and be as princessy amongst the cheerios and wipes as you can!

Well I know what you mean. It was lovely to be so self-indulgent when pregnant with DS. It was so much more exciting first time round (and I deluded myself other people were as excited as me!).

I finish work today in prep for DC#2 but I have booked myself a night away in a nice hotel and a mum-to-be spa package next week so for just a short time I can capture that self-indulgence without being woken at 6am by "mummeee I AWAKE". Plus like mumwithadragontattoo DS1 is still in nursery for a few days a week so I should get time to relax before DC2 arrives.

It was lovely and I do remember it very fondly now. It's not the same as your first pregnancy but you're still making a tiny human being and if that doesn't deserve a bit of pampering I don't know what does.

Ooh OP you do sound terribly precious in your first post but its pretty clear from your subsequent posts that you dont take yourself too seriously. I can't help but like you.

I bet you were one of those insufferable incredible women who glowed and bloomed and had one of those tiny tanned bumps with no stretchmarks and still had bones and tendons in their feet and didn't put on any weight except on their cleavage.

Ah well never mind, I guess it all has to go to hell one day, just ride with it! Any more children planned? Perhaps you will recapture it again one day, or at least some of it...

Tatty, thanks! And never fear, I have re-read my own OP with one eye closed, realising quite how precious I appear! I did surprise myself with how -smug special my first pregnancy made me feel. I'm usually quite a pessimistic, anxious old bag, and have certainly never been A Princess. It must have been the hormones, but I felt uncharacteristically serene and yes, glowing. If only we could bottle that feeling....

What dozer said.

I am the absolute opposite, I'd love to have a baby without having all the pregnancy stuff again, no glowing, just feeling exhausted and looking terrible, health issues, no princessy feeling about it at all.

I felt princessy just before and around the time of my wedding, all that buying special items, getting dressed up, going to the hairdressers, practicing my hair-style, having a make-up artist 'do' my face (as a practice). I had a small wedding but it was utterly lovely, and I felt that pampered princess thing you talk about.

No, it hasn't returned since!

I know exactly what you mean - and I'm now pg with dc2 and don't feel special in the slightest, have been desperately ill, knackered and have no respite as ds1 is a manically full on little toddler. But, hey, this is what we signed up for (just wish I'd not been so ignorant first time round about how good I had it!)

Like you, I was blissfully deluded when I was pregnant first time round - but this only served to make the first few months of ds1's life harder as I came crashing back down to earth with awful PND and bf issues - the lows were far worse than any of the highs I had had when I was pregnant.

However, looking on the bright side now - I may not feel special in the same self-indulgent way but I will be much more prepared when I have my next dc, plus, the beaming grin first thing in the morning or the random little kisses ds1 gives me when I least expect it makes me feel far more special than any spa treatment ever could. :)

I also now know why strangers asked me when I was pg first time round "Is it your first?".

Oh foxtrot, totally! Last night I was walking past dd's bedroom at around 9pm, and she briefly woke up and whispered 'boo!' then went back to sleep. I'd take that over a natty maternity blouse and a pedicure any day.

But I just... I want both.... just, sometimes. Or just for a little while. (I want an oompa loompa, daddy!). And I think there is pressure on mums to be totally self-sacrifical and to feel guilty if they want something other than the many wonderful things having children can give them.

Onetoomany, that's it! I'll get married!

Shushbaby...both is the best. I paid for my nanny next door neighbour cash in hand childcare when I'm at work to look after ds1 for 2 days this week (I'm a teacher on Easter holiday) because I wanted to have my hair done, meet up with a friend for a long lunch, and generally just potter about.

Just those few hours away for each day made me come home ready to be a better mum - felt so much more refreshed and more like the old, less boring 'me'.

I initially felt a bit guilty that I was paying for time away from ds but actually, we all need a bit of a break. Dh is going away next weekend on his own to see a mate too.

I really enjoyed the attention I had when I was pregnant, I'm not used to getting much as I'm a bit of a shrinking violet.

But if I'm lucky enough to be pregnant again I'm looking forward to being all taking-it-in-my-stride-no-time-to-indulge-myself-I've-got-a-family-that-depends-on-me about it, like my friends were with their subsequents.

I'm sure it'll be just as memorable for you OP, just different.

Valhalla, or 40 + with a teenager, a 10yr old and a baby!! I do know how you feel though, I often (always) feel invisible these days...