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to phone ds's nursery or should I just let it lie?

51 replies

wigglemama · 15/04/2011 10:12

I went to collect ds (3yo) from nursery yesterday. There were 2 members of staff at the door, one coming out, one inside. As I walked past I said hello to one, wlked on and then turned to say hello to the other only to find them mouthing something to each other behind my back. I figured it was work related and just went to get ds.

The first thing he said to me was "I was left inside at playtime today". (I am normally greeted with a hug and a "Do you have anything to eat mummy?") The member of staff jumped in quickly and told me that they were taking the children out to play, they got to the bottom of the stairs, done a head count, realised 2 were missing and went back to get them straight away. My ds replied to this by pointing at the staff member and saying "No, you left me inside". She just laughed it off and told him he was being silly, repeating what she had said before word for word.

I thought nothing more of it until we got to the car and my ds said "Me and Clara looked everywhere for the teachers but we couldn't find them. We looked in the bathroom, the home corner, the reading corner, but they weren't there". When I asked him what he did then he said they just played and then a teacher came, but they didn't go out to play.

The stories just don't match up. The stairs are directly outside ds's room and had they realised at the bottom that 2 were missing, ds would not have had time to look anywhere for the teachers. Plus, he said he didn't go out to play and she said he did. I know he is only 3 but he doesn't lie and is very articulate.

To be honest, although I am worried that they were left behind-surely a member of staff should be at the back of the line to do a quick sweep of the room before they all leave??- I am more annoyed that I feel I have been lied to and that my ds has heard the staff member lying. Obviously there's the other issues like what if there had been a fire or if they had injured themselves.

So, should I phone up? Ds isn't back in Nursery now until Tuesday. I don't want them to get away with lying to me, but am happy to hold my hands up and apologise if I am wrong. They have CCTV in all the rooms, so surely they should be able to go back and check exactly how long they were left alone for??
DS has been at this Nursery for 2 and a half years now and I have never ever had an issue.

OP posts:

FAB5 · 15/04/2011 10:14

I think you should trust your instincts. Them whispering behind your back and everything that has been said makes it seem like your son is telling the truth. I wouldn't like my child being called silly either and being accused of lying to hide their mistake/bad choice.


pozzled · 15/04/2011 10:17

I would call them, if only to put your mind at rest. A good nursery should be more than happy to discuss the incident, and I agree that it sounds strange- too much difference between the stories.


yousankmybattleship · 15/04/2011 10:17

I would definitely contact them. I agree with you that I'd been inclined to believe your DS. If he'd said it has been ages and ages I'd think it was just a child's misunderstanding of time but the fact that he said they'd looked in other rooms shows they were alone for a while. Mistakes are bound to be made occasionally but they should be honest with your about what happened and they should be making sure they have measures in place to ensure it never happens again. I would have thought a head count before they go out would be a basic requirement.


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/04/2011 10:18

Agree with FAB5... trust your instincts. I think something's not adding up. If it were my child, I think I'd go to the nursery, repeat my concern and if I didn't get anywhere I'd ask to see the CCTV footage, there and then, so that nothing mysteriously happens to it.

Anything can happen and the fact that the teachers were seemingly unaware that your DS wasn't with them is dreadful.


SolarPanel · 15/04/2011 10:19

Yes, phone them up. Say politely that that the stories don't quite match up and you'd like to know what actually happened. Definitely ask for the CCTV to be checked.


dearyme · 15/04/2011 10:23

if you find out stuff has happened you arent happy about, what do you want to happen?


FAB5 · 15/04/2011 10:25

I wouldn't call them as it is harder to tell if someone is lying and if you say about the CCTV and they have something to hide they might delete it. I would organise someone else to have your son and go and speak to them today.


Melly19MummyToBe · 15/04/2011 10:27

I agree with what everyone else has said, demand to see the CCTV, even if the staff member is telling the truth (sounds unlikely though) it will put your mind at rest.


ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 15/04/2011 10:29

I think I would go for the 'DS has been at this nursery for 2.5 years now, without any problems. I believe what he told me yesterday. I know mistakes happen, we are all human, but I hope you use this situation to tighten up your processes. Please don't lie to me & treat me as though I am stupid, because I am not, and you do so at your peril'. Walk away.


Again10 · 15/04/2011 10:31

A parent saying "my child doesn't lie" would always loose some credibility with me though.


wigglemama · 15/04/2011 10:40

Thanks for your advice, I will either call today to go to see them when DH gets back from work.
dearyme, that is why I was in 2 minds and I said those exact words to DH last night "What am I hoping to achieve my phoning them". But I guess it is to ensure it doesn't happen again. If the manger of the nursery is aware of it they may review their routines for going outside, like making sure a headcount is done before they leave the room, as yousankmybattleship said.
Again10 I know what you mean and I definitely wouldn't say that to them!

OP posts:

Melly19MummyToBe · 15/04/2011 11:00

Keep us posted, I'm curious to know how this turns out. What do you think you're going to do if it turns out that your DS was telling the truth?


wigglemama · 15/04/2011 11:11

I don't think I'll need to do anything really. Just the truth being told will be enough for me and reassurance that things will be put in place to ensure it doesn't happen again. I am sure the members of staff involved will be embarrassed if it does turn out that they were lying, but I don't want there to be any bad feeling between myself and the staff or between staff and ds. Obviously there will be some awkwardness but I'm prepared for that!

OP posts:

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 15/04/2011 11:23

I understand what it's like to have an articulte 3 year old...mine would also be capaple of telling me a story clearly and truthfully. I agree that you should offer them the chance to tell the's stupid of them if they are covering creates distrust.

Could you maybe ask Clara's Mum if she has said anything similar?


LDNmummy · 15/04/2011 11:28

Something's up here, follow your instincts. Is this a private nursery?


wigglemama · 15/04/2011 11:40

Yes, it is a private nursery. I will definitely speak to Clara's mum if I see her. We mostly drop off/pick up at different times so it could be a while before I see her. Just trying to get dd down for a nap so I can get some peace to phone them!

OP posts:

FAB5 · 15/04/2011 11:42

I really don't think you should phone them. Face to face is better.


wigglemama · 15/04/2011 14:40

OK, going to see them at 3.30. I haven't phoned, am just going to turn up. Will post later and let you know how I got on.

OP posts:

TheMonster · 15/04/2011 14:45

If they made a mistake they should admit it.


pigletmania · 15/04/2011 14:55

Yanbu, i would arrange to see the manager to discuss this, dosent sound right


colditz · 15/04/2011 14:58

Just turn up and ask to see the CCTV straight away./ SDon't let them fob you off with next week. You want to see it NOW>


PixieOnaLeaf · 15/04/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

faeriefruitcake · 15/04/2011 14:59

Safegarding, it will teach them to do their jobs properly. If they can't then they deserve to be shut down. What happens if next time they don't notice and your son has an accident.

Whilst I appreciate 3 yr olds don't always know what is truth or how to judge time, something happended and you are not comfortable with it. Phone the nursery and if you still aren't happy contact ofsted.

A nursery by me locked a child outside and didn't even know he was missing.


diddl · 15/04/2011 15:13

Well whatever happened, I would be querying why they don´t do a head count before leaving the roomConfused, and would certainly hope that that is not protocol in the event of a fireHmm


Cymar · 15/04/2011 15:28

Is it possible your son meant they weren't deliberately left inside? When going out in a group, some kids will move about which may result in a couple of children being counted twice. So the staff may have only counted heads on the way in and then realised that your son and his hadn't been out to play.

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