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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being oversensitive : Weaning

53 replies

Mammie81 · 14/04/2011 23:56

MIL and partners family are all making comments because I havent weaned yet. My baby is only 4 months old and he cant hold his head steady for extended periods, so Im waiting. WHO still says 6 months AFAIK.

Comments include :
That baby needs some bread/I bet he wants a pasty/I think hes still hungry (after hes had his milk and is sleeping?!)/Ella's Kitchen make great things for kids his age/You CAN start from now you know
To baby - Would you like a chicken leg/I bet you are starving/Is mummy not feeding you

The baby is low percentile, so yes hes small but I fail to see how carrots are going to fatten him up more than calorie laden breastmilk designed for babies.

Am I being oversensitive? Is this just what families say to babies as baby talk?

OP posts:

A1980 · 14/04/2011 23:58

What does you GP or HV say?

One of my friends had a low birth weight baby: 4lbs 3oz and she was advised to start weaning at 5 months as she was so underweight at birth.

But as for bread, pasty, chicken leg, mummy's not feeding you.... WTF! Tell them to mind their own business.

Original poster

Mammie81 · 14/04/2011 23:59

Carrots/swede/banana's are typically low cal and low fat. Milk is lovely and creamy. Im sticking with the milk for now ;)

I thought this kind of thing wasnt normal but Im aware I am sometimes oversensitive!

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 15/04/2011 00:00

Ignore them. Or tell them they are being rude & insensitive and that they are misinformed.

MadamDeathstare · 15/04/2011 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeyjamtart · 15/04/2011 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElsieOops · 15/04/2011 00:49

It's just that the advice changes all the time, implicit in you not weaning at 4 months is the idea that when they weaned earlier it was not the best thing for their children, not something any parent wants to think so they tell you to do it their way.

When my son was small people started weaning with baby rice from 10-12 weeks onwards, and my health visitor told me she gave her baby baby rice at 2-3weeks, even she was shocked how much things had changed.

Insert1x50p · 15/04/2011 01:06

*It's just that the advice changes all the time, implicit in you not weaning at 4 months is the idea that when they weaned earlier it was not the best thing for their children, not something any parent wants to think so they tell you to do it their way."

This is the crux of the matter on so many baby and childcare issues I think.

OP- you're right about weaning foods not "fattening" up the baby- if anything it can have the opposite effect as they take less milk. Also, if you baby's always been low percentile, then that's fine so long as he's within the normal range. Some babies are always going to be below average- that's how averages work. My son is 90th centile for height but below 50th for weight. I did come under some pressure to wean early/ supplement but I ignored for the same reasons as you state and because although he's slim, he's always been that way and he does put on weight and is happy/contented/alert. I started rice at 5.5 months in the end and introduced veggies at 6mths, protein at 6.5mths. He's still on the same centiles at 7 mths so the weaning didn't bulk him up.

Personally I'm glad I waited a bit longer

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2011 01:06

My MiL is at this as well. "You know DD would sleep through if you gave her food", "baby rice at 3 weeks didn't do DH any harm". Well, except he has allergies which is what I'm worried about. And, you're right milk is very calorific.

TheSkiingGardener · 15/04/2011 03:52

Stick to your guns is my thought! Everything you say makes sense but they are just well meaning. Grit your teeth and practise your best calming phrases I think.

flyingspaghettimonster · 15/04/2011 05:01

God, they'd have a field day with me then - my DS is 2 in a week and still mostly breast fed - the little gobshite gets served 3 meals a day and snacks/drinks, but still thinks it is his god-given right to have Mummy-milk 20 times a day and night...

Tell them to stick their judgemental comments up their own arses and back off - 4 months is no age at all, and weaning should be baby-led, in my opinion.

That said, if my little monster doesn't decide pdq that he wants to quit, I might have to start enforcing it - I refuse to be one of those mums with a 5 year old sat on her knee and breasts that hang to my knees...

GotArt · 15/04/2011 05:26

flyingspaghetti LOL. I believe weaning should be baby led too. DD was reached out for a piece of my mango at 5 months and I gave it to her and she loved it. Same with a banana a few days later. The pediatrician went crazy on me saying that because I introduced fruit first, she would never eat vegetables... wish she could see her now. The girl would live on broccoli, carrots and polenta if I let her... and salami. She loves a good charcuterie plate. Anyhow, we introduced baby rice cereal at 6 months for breakfast with blueberries or any other pureed fruit but she was still BF for long time after that... sorry, digressing. Um... oh ya... baby's digestion isn't ready really for foods like bread, chicken etc, that's why WHO recommends 6 months and there is a link to digestion and allergy issues. Tell them DS is just fine. DD was also in the below 10% in weight but gained well, so I never worried about her. She is slim, but she is just a tiny little girl... we are all different. Averages, blahblahblah.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 06:43

Agree it should be baby led....

The baby will let you know when milk is not enough....

I'm sure some self imposed expert will flame me for suggesting that!

Re the head holding...I think it wouldn't hurt to get a GP check your baby out.

SlightlyB0nkers · 15/04/2011 07:03

Breastmilk is the perfect food for an infant. It has more calories, omega oils, etc than any carrots or rice.

When my relatives have done some research into it, only then would I entertain any ideas from them. I was also asked at 3 months when was I going to wean. They don't ask anymore as they know I won't debate it with them. I told them about the WHO guidelines and that I'll be nursing until she's over two. Whether I do or not is not their business.

kaj32 · 15/04/2011 07:04

We weaned at 22 weeks when baby grabbed a sweet potato wedge and ate it. From them on she sat on my knee at tea times and helped herself to food from my plate.

Baby will tell you when they are ready until then smile sweetly and point out your baby, your rules.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 07:05

Lovely story Kaj

ILoveFrogs · 15/04/2011 07:16

YANBU

I had this sort of attitude from people with DS, sitting in a coffee shop an old woman was chatting away to DS when he was around 4 months old, she asked why mummy wasn't giving him any of her muffin and I passed comment that I hadn't started weaning yet, she basically accused me of starving him.... And that was mild compared to the comments from family members. Stick you your guns and just smile politely and tell them that you are waiting until baby is ready and that's that. We done baby led when he was around 5.5 months because he was ready, but if I listened to everyone else it would have been bland baby rice at 3 months!

onceamai · 15/04/2011 07:23

As so many other posters have said they are being well meaning, teasing you a bit about the chicken legs, but times have changed. Mine are 16 and 12 and only 16 years ago the advice was to wean at 4 months. I was advised to do it earlier because mine were big and greedy and certainly with dd, couldn't keep up with her demands and ended up from 10 to 12 weeks shedding 12lb through the constant feeding. In another 15 years the advice will be different again, so as long as it's sensible and as long as it's healthy I'd say go with your instincts and tailor to what YOU think your baby needs.

Kentmummy · 15/04/2011 07:32

Wean when you and baby are ready. I weaned DD at 4 months but she's in the 98th percentile. She's massive and now at 5 months is in 6-9 months clothes. I felt she was ready and she was but all my nct friends babies are still all in milk as that's what they are happy with. All the babies are happy and healthy. Every baby is different. Do what you and baby want... Not anyone else.
Just ignore the comments... They're being interfering and controlling... Sounds like my IL's!

IMissSleep · 15/04/2011 07:38

I stated my DS on solids at 4 months - only becaus he was grabbing for my food and could hold his head up. Didn't make a difference with his weight. They will let you know when they're ready, there's no rush.

upyourdiva · 15/04/2011 07:53

The advice given about weaning is a guideline based on the average child, just do it when you and baby are ready not when guidelines or relatives tell you too.

I wanted to wait until 6 months but was told to start giving DS solids at 4 months by the HV because he was weaning himself from milk, I felt like I was doing something wrong but at the time we had no choice and he was ready for it. He would literally eat anything and he loved all veggies etc.

Although fast forward 4 years and he now has a rediculously restricted and crappy diet due to severe fussiness. I wil always wonder if early weaning had something to do with that but I guess it's one of those things I will never know for sure.

IgnoringTheChildren · 15/04/2011 13:00

No-one wants to hear that the decisions they made for their baby may have been 'wrong', which is probably one of the reasons that MILs (and mothers and anyone else who you happen to meet) can find it hard to accept your reasons for not weaning yet. In your shoes I would be tempted to make it very clear that their comments and suggestions were not helpful or wanted (and could actually cause health problems for your DS), however it's probably not worth starting a family feud over. Perhaps the next time MIL makes a comment you could quietly ask her if she's just joking or if she actually has concerns for your little ones health - would it help to discuss the WHO guidelines with her?

SusanneLinder · 15/04/2011 13:11

I argued with my friend over this , who insisted that her DGC was starving and need food at 4 months when she was happy with milk. She had bought jars in and was going to feed the baby this when she next babysat. I was fuming, so ended up getting DH (who is a nurse) to speak to her and tell her why we wait till 6 months-or baby is ready.
I would never give such crap advice to my own daughter.

NinkyNonker · 15/04/2011 13:20

Hell, 4 months is early. Just grin and bear it.

DuelingFanjo · 16/04/2011 22:58

just wanted to say that as far as I am aware the advice doesn't change all the time. Hasn't it only changed once in several years?

I am part of an ante-natal group and it seems everyone else is gearing up to wean (or have started) and I am going to have to explain why I am waiting without making it sound like I disapprove of what they are doing. DS is 17 weeks next week but I am going to do baby led weaning at 6 months. The reason often given at my group for weaning early is because the mums think they will get more sleep if their babies are fuller.

worraliberty · 16/04/2011 23:03

My 3 boys were all weaned between 3 and 4 months.

But that was only because they were ready and believe me they let me know they were ready!!

I had all sorts of comments that it was too early...not early enough...the wrong type of food...blah blah blah. Everyone had an opinion on it.

Meanwhile, my son's were tucking in and enjoying their grub

Just do what you feel is best for you baby OP because you're sure as hell not going to please everyone...and anyway why should you even try?

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