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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that he should leave my stuff alone?

20 replies

SLickyBoomBoom · 14/04/2011 20:01

Namechanged for this

My partner keeps moving my stuff. Its driving me mad - I'm getting an MOT done tommorrow and he has put all amy important documents in a box. I already had them in a pile in a letter holder, but he decided that they should be in a box and now I can't find my paper license which I need for the courtesy car.

I am seething. He once threw away one of my vouchers that I had for my birthday, and he just says that I should be tidier but I haven't got time. When i open the post in the morning I just put it in a little pile and I know I have to sort it out but by the time I have cooked tea I'm tired and yes, the pile might be a bit but it's my pile and I think he should just leave it for me to sort out. I know that I'm untidy, but I hate it that he puts my stuff away in a box.

aibu?

OP posts:

MaisyMooCow · 14/04/2011 20:03

No YANBU, tell him to butt out! Sounds like he has a touch of OCD imo !

G1nger · 14/04/2011 20:04

YABU, sorry. I'm the unofficial "tidy-awayer" in this house and drive my partner mad always moving his stuff about. I'd like not to have to, but...
You can get your revenge like he does - keep pestering your partner to help you find things you've lost. Because chances are he's moved them anyway.

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 20:05

If it is all in a box, then it must be easier to find. Surely you dont get that much post every day that it takes more than a couple of minutes to sort out.

MaisyMooCow · 14/04/2011 20:06

OP, your partner would have a coronary if he lived with me, I am soooo untidy !!

If my partner was like him I would do it all the more just to annoy him!!!

diddl · 14/04/2011 20:10

"If it is all in a box, then it must be easier to find."

Well, yes, in a box, in the letter rack, at least you know where to look

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/04/2011 20:12

Have you looked in the box?

Original poster

SLickyBoomBoom · 14/04/2011 20:13

What I do is that I put my post into a letter holder. I do this every day and deal with it when I get a chance. The letter holder does get a bit packed after a few weeks but then I usually sort it out or put it in the computer desk. The point is that it is my post and he shouldn't be touching it.

He isn't OCD by the way, he just get's cross with the post.

OP posts:

ObscureReference · 14/04/2011 20:18

Well, YABU and YANBU.

Being tidy actually saves you time, so in that respect YABU. Also, why should he have to live with your mess?

BUT you have a system that works for you (I would sort it more often than once in a few weeks, tho!) and it IS your mail and he shouldnt touch it, so in that respect YANBU.

Perhaps a compromise could be reached?

G1nger · 14/04/2011 20:21

It's not just the post, is it, that you're leaving out and which he moves... No, it's not just the post... Otherwise, I'd be inclined to agree that your "system" for dealing with the post should be left alone.

diddl · 14/04/2011 20:22

TBH, if the letter rack was getting full & he has just put stuff from it in a box and he/you knows where the box is, I can´t see the problem.

He lives there as well, surely he´s entitled to move stuff?

Why does the fact that it´s post make any difference?

WincyEtNightie · 14/04/2011 20:25

Hmm, are you my DH OP?

Hassled · 14/04/2011 20:25

If your stuff is in one distinct clear pile of Your Stuff, which you return reasonably quickly to sort, then YANBU.

If your stuff is dumped on whatever surface of the house you happened to be standing next to when you opened the post, and then doesn't appear to have been touched for several days, despite being well and truly in the way, not to mention messy, then YABU.

Can you tell DH and I have ishoos on the subject :o?

hormonesnomore · 14/04/2011 20:29

I had the opposite problem with my ex-h - he was very untidy and it really annoyed me that he wouldn't deal with his post promptly.

I bought a basket for each of us and we kept them in a cupboard. When the mail arrived I put it in the relevant baskets - I dealt with mine every day and he opened his when his basket was full

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 20:32

The letter holder does get a bit packed after a few weeks

weeks??? no wonder it annoys him...

Piggles · 14/04/2011 20:35

I must admit I kind of do this to DH. He leaves little heaps of post and paperwork all over the house - kitchen counters, sofa, dining room table etc

If I need to move whatever he has left I just gather it all up and bung it in a designated drawer in the kitchen. My house stays tidy-ish , and he knows to look in that drawer if I have tidied his stuff up.

YANBU though as I would never dream of interfering by tidying away something that has plainly been sorted (even if it hasn't been sorted the way I'd do it) and I would definitely not presume to throw anything away that was not mine to toss - that is just total nobbery.

Original poster

SLickyBoomBoom · 14/04/2011 20:43

thanks for youre replies.

I am quite untidy but if it's got my name on and its my post then i feel that if he puts it in a box, then I feel that he doesnt care about the fact that this is also my house.

I have my own views on tidiness and he has his ideas and I dont think that I should always cave into him. Although he does do the majority of the housework, I feel that I do the majority of the childcare and I work as well. It really pisses me off that I can't just leave my post where it lies without him tidying it away. This is my house as well as his to be fair and it gets on my nerves when he is whining about the post or mouldy cups.

OP posts:

G1nger · 14/04/2011 20:44

I can understand that entirely, but one thing: mouldy cups?!

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 14/04/2011 20:51

Sorry but YABU - yes it's your post and your house as well, but he doesn't want to live in a mess!

He does the majority of the housework and wants the house to look nice - do you want it to look a mess or is that just a by product of not putting things away? Do you see what I mean? Surely you don't set out to live in a mess whereas he sets out to live in a tidy house... why can't you do things that are easily done, to help with that - it's not that hard to put your mail into a box instead of a letter rack is it?!

You do the majority of the childcare - so if it was something related to that I'd say he should defer to you if it affects you more than him.

Mouldy cups as well?? WTF would he not moan about those?

I'm starting to feel this could be a wind up - what's on the soaps tonight?

diddl · 14/04/2011 20:57

"its my post then i feel that if he puts it in a box, then I feel that he doesnt care about the fact that this is also my house."

Do you never move anything of his then?

ShirleyKnotThroneOfJudgement · 14/04/2011 22:06

{sad}

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