To be annoyed with my ex-mil giving away my baby things?

[JustaNickname]

I'll try not to complicate this to much. I split with my ex P before Christmas and we were on very bad terms however in the last few months we have regained a friendship and all is good now. I was also on bad terms with his family after the split but last few weeks they have been trying to make amends. I'm trying to be the bigger person for my ds's sake and get on with the. Everything is going very well apart from Ex P's brother. We got on until I found out I was pregnant. I was 16 and Ex P was 19 at the time. Ex BIL (I suppose I would call him) felt I had trapped him and it was all my fault. Over the years he has had a few choice words for me like 'You should have kept my F*y in my knickers' so you can see he's not a very nice guy. He also accused me countless times of sleeping around and that ds was not really my EX-P's child. In the end I just ignored him and was sick of his attitude.

Recently I posted a thread about Ex-Bil's pregnant Girlfriend. Long story short she made up a silly story involving me and Ds to make me look like a nasty person and bad mother. Since then I was at Ex-P's house. We were having a small party for Ds's 4th birthday. Ex-BIL was there with his GF. Ex-BIL was not happy one bit that I was there (Even though it was MY sons birthday) He even called me a C**t just because he felt like it.

Since then I have been having a sort out of all DS's old stuff. Car seat, clothes, buggy etc. Ex-Mil now tells she was speaking to ex-Bil and told him I have offered all Ds's old baby stuff to him and his GF for there baby due in 3 weeks. I'm fuming. She had no right to do this. I wasn't even giving the stuff away FFS! Ex-P is also fuming as he is not talking to his brother at the moment because of the party incident. ex-Mil told Ex-Bil that I have nothing against him and his GF and would gladly give them my baby stuff. She made it sound as if I was apologizing and I was in the wrong for HIS disgusting behavior.

After reading that back I know it sounds confusing and not really an AIBUI think I just needed to vent :(

YANBU. Give them a few bits you no longer want and, if asked, tell them that you have already given some stuff to another friend/family member and that you are keeping the rest for any future children. Your MIL had no right to decide you were going to give your stuff away and to whom so explain that she had the wrong end of the stick and that you weren't sorting to get rid, just to get organised and that you have given them what you had spare.

If the stuff is at your house, then say no and don't give it away. If it is at hers then get it moved sharpish.

My mil did this - offered my pram, travel cot etc to her niece, when we lived in Cornwall and niece lived in London. She hadn't even thought about how we were going to get them there!

I insisted on having them back after the niece had finished with them and gave them to a friend of mine; tough shit when mil promise them to the niece again.

YANBU don't even beat around the bush with BiL tell him he is a tosser and you would sooner have your stuff given to a grateful charity than to someone who called you a cun#.

"No" is a complete sentence.

As in "no" they can not have the clothes/car seat etc - they are to be given to my friend Sally/Fiona/Olivia

Don't get angry; there is no need to get angry. Just simply state they are going elsewhere.

Is all the stuff at your house still?

If so, just keep it there and don't give it to them. If anyone askes, just say that there must have been a misunderstanding because you have already promised everything to a friend.

How did you find out that this had happened?

All the stuff is in my Parents house so no worries in that way its just the fact she was so cheeky to offer it to them in the first place.

Ex-Mil told me herself what she had said. She honestly didn't think she had done anything wrong!

Cheeky presumtuous cow!

What did you say back to her?

I was a bit shocked at first and didn't really know what to say. Ex-P then told her we wouldn't be giving him anything until his dis-respectable behavior stopped.

he he, what planet is she on? is it cheeky, deluded mil/sil sense of entitlement give away someone elses stuff day? (there's another similar thread )

perhaps i could give away sils stuff?

good on your ex-p

Obviously we've missed out on something, Maybe I'll give away MIl's brand new television as its obviously ok to do so :o

YANBU. Regardless of your relationship with ex-BIL, ex-MIL has no right to offer to give away your stuff for you.
Tell them no, it's not available.

Hang on, OP, did you just say that your exP said exBIL wouldn't get anything until his behaviour changed? After calling you the names he did, I'd tell exP/exMIL in no uncertain terms that he's getting nothing, irrespective of good behaviour. No way. Perhaps your exMIL should be clearer about who's property she is giving away too.... it won't be her television, it'll be yours she gives away, based on her previous generosity

I wouldn't bother telling them that you were not giving them anything.

I would not be speaking to him.

Bet he and his gf wont raise the subject that means he would have to be civil to you and can only call you a cunt AFTER he has the stuff in his car and is leaving

If you ex or your MiL mentions it simply say you didn't say or agree to that and refuse to discuss further.

Thats everyone for your advice. I feel better now knowing that I shouldn't have to feel obliged to give my baby stuff to them. Its such an odd situation I just needed some perspective.

Good Lord no. Don't feel at all obliged to give them anything. Ignore the subject, but if you're feeling VERY kind you could drop into conversation that you've given it all away to give them time to sort their own damn lives out. The CHEEK!

No way, if they mention it to you, just laugh and say "you must be joking". What a bloody cheek.