To want to give up work

[worrisomeone]

I have 3 dc (7,4,3) and work three days per week. The days that I work, my dh does the school/nursery drop off and I collect. However, I feel completely stressed out. My job is very stimulating and I really enjoy it, however it's very stressful with lots of ever changing deadlines. That, coupled with all the demands of family life just often feels like too much and I'm exhausted all the time. My dh does his share of the work, but is also under a lot of pressure at work, so tends to bring this stress home too. We have family nearby who also help out a lot.

I know that I will want to return to work when all my dcs are at school and have managed to keep working after the end of each maternity leave. I worry that if I'd be stupid to give up such a great job as I might never get one that is so flexible and well paid again. On the other hand, I know that I will never have the time when my children are little again and only have 2 years before the youngest starts school.

Financially, we'd probably be fine if I didn't work, but I do make a significant contribution to the family income and we would have to tighten our belts if i stopped work. Also am thinking of providing for 3 dcs in future (Uni, etc) my income will be of great help.

Should I just bite the bullet and get on with it and be thankful of the great job that I have(it is only 3 days after all), or should I give up for now, for the sake of my sanity?

Do you have some holiday time you could use to take a break?

I would say think long term and keep the job, and try and pay for other things that will make your life easier. More hours by cleaner that sort of thing.

Personally I'd say no.. presumably things will get easier once they're all in school?
I have the 3 days a week, flexible job too which I really like, and I'm not giving it up for anything. It's hard at the moment but hopefully will get easier in the years to come. We could just about manage without my income I think, but there would be serious belt-tightening.

2 years will go by in a flash :)

Could you cut your hours down a little more, and go down to two days a week? Could you do this until all your children are at school and then have a rethink?

Marking my place to watch with hopeful interest - am in 1st trimester with what will be our first child, and having been in the office last night till 2am I was having these exact thoughts in the taxi on the way home. No idea what I would have done if I had had a child to pick up from nursery last night and DH works late as well. Whatever people say you should do, YANBU to be considering it at least!!

Thanks for your advice MarshaBrady. I think that's a great idea. I do have a cleaner that comes once a week but maybe I should consider increasing her hours. Will also try and think of any other ways I could hire in help to lessen the load.

I do think things will be much easier when they're all at school but don't want to wish their little lives away!

Cutting my hours is something I've considered but unfortunately couldn't do it in my current job. I do think 2 days would be ideal at present, although the grass is definitely always greener on the other side.

Seems the consensus so far is to stick with it. Just try to make life a bit easier in other ways and perhaps enjoy myself a bit more with the money i'm earning!

Id never work while the kids are pre-school, otherwise its just too much hassle rushing from a - b then working on top, you just never catch up with yourself (mind you never had the luxury of a cleaner, so maybe that makes a big difference)

plenty of time once the kids are in school to flog yourself to death

Totally agree with increasing your cleaners hours and finding other ways to make things easier, so that you make the most of the time with your children. You've got a pretty good set-up in that your DH does the drop-off and you collect. Is there any way you could work earlier days so that you be at home an hour earlier and get stuff done then?

Incidentally, I find that I'm more efficient at getting things done at home, and spending time with DS when I DO work 3 days a week. If I have the whole week to do it then it's seems like too much time and things fall by the wayside because I can always do it tomorrow..

Sounds like you need to take a break from it for a couple of weeks (any chance of taking some time off around easter and making it a long break perhaps?) to think it over.

I agree that you have a pretty good set up. Some minor adjustments - maybe have a break away to recharge - and you will feel loads better.

It would be madness to give up a good job, and you don't know that you'd be able to find yourself back in a decent job on decent terms once your children are in school. I see so many women who've given up work completely and then spend the years that their kids are at school, struggling to get back into the workplace, and often grinding away in mundane rubbishy jobs.

I would re-charge yourself, increase your cleaners hours, and enjoy the fact that you have a good and stimulating 3 day a week job - best of both worlds

Totally agree with Violethill, if you have an enjoyable and stimulating and well-paid job with flexible working hours, hold onto it like it's a pot of gold. My experience is the same, so many women I know do jobs which are not enjoyable or stimulating for minimum wages as they got off the ladder and then can't work flexibly as you can.

Definitely buy in more help, but three days working and four at home sounds pretty good to me.

I'd also point out that many jobs are very stressed at the moment, business frightened of failing, public sector facing redundancy, I've noticed an increase in how stressful my job is even though it is the same job as before, so I don't think jumping ship is necessarily the answer.

If you hated your job, I would tell you to give it up though!

"It would be madness to give up a good job"

I think that line should be put on your grave stone - Violethill.

I also meant to say, I had a bit of a 'burnout' point a few years after my two were born, where I just crashed into the exhaustion of the last few years of broken nights and not enough rest all round. If you could get a day/week-end or even longer off, even if you just sleep a lot, it would help enormously. I have had two several day breaks in the last few years where my husband has looked after the children and I have just rested, and it has saved my sanity at times where I felt the exhaustion was too much, and now I am fine (with the odd iron supplement along the way!)

Buy more/better quality help to see you through.

If you exit the market, when you want to go back there is no guarantee of an open poition, similar pay scale or same flexibility (have to work for a year to apply for flexible working I think). Agree with beefing up your cleaner hours. All a long way away but whenever I think about giving up work I look at MIL. Give up her whole life for her kids. Now they are grown she is a total nightmare as has no diversions whatsoever. Her empty nest syndrome is so very bad. I am so scared of ending up like that I am clinging on to employment with both hands.

A close friend has just left a flexible and extraordinarily well paid (well above current market rate job) in the hope of pastures new. There are NO such pastures and she is kicking herself. Tough times.