Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think that funerals are ridiculously expensive

25 replies

LisasCat · 14/04/2011 11:16

And to add insult to injury the phenomenal costs are being dealt to people who are already having to cope with enough stressful news.

I'm trying to organise an incredibly simple funeral. No big service, just a cremation. We don't need a plot in which to put a body or ashes. He'd have been happy with a cradboard coffin, in fact it's what he'd prefer. There's no need for time-consuming preparation of the body, no one will want to look at it. No minister, or even time for speeches. Just the basics of a respectful finish, rather than leave it to the council.

Minimum of £2000. How can this be right?

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 14/04/2011 11:27

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are having to deal with this.

You are right, funeral costs are ridiculous, and it seems to me that they are unneccesarily inflated.

bamboobutton · 14/04/2011 11:30

yanbu.

thats why i'm having one of those woodland burials with a cardboard coffin when i shuffle off this mortal coil.

sorry for your loss.

IngridFletcher · 14/04/2011 11:34

I know. We had a non-funeral for my dad as we felt it is what he would want. Just a cardboard coffin and a cremation with no ceremony. It was 2k which is only a small sum less than my mum's with a ceremony, pall bearers and flowers. I was surprised but too upset to question!

EarthMotherImNot · 14/04/2011 11:36

Totally agree! We had to arrange MIL's funeral recently and, as she didn't believe in life insurance and Dh had been in a new job less than a week after 14 months out of work we needed to go down the least expensive route.

Our bill for cremation, one car and one hearse was £2400.

This bill was inflated by needing doctors signatures and moving MIL from hospital to undertakers, things you don't realise are silently mounting up.
We will be paying this off for many months to come.

OP is the deceased perhaps eligible for a grant to assist the funeral costs?

Megatron · 14/04/2011 11:42

YANBU. It's incredibly expensive and can be an added worry at a horrific time. My dad had a phonecall from the funderal director the day after my mum was cremated asking if he would take part in a survey. Luckily I was there and able to advise them what to do with their survey. So sorry for your loss.

sausagesandmarmelade · 14/04/2011 11:45

Yes they are expensive....

What really amazed me last year when we had FILs funeral was that the funeral directors had the audacity to ask us to tip the grave diggers...AT the funeral as we were leaving the grave side.

Hubs felt he had to, to ensure that they did a good job...

So cheeky...

Also - memorials are extortionate. I think FILs is running to around 8k

Death is a costly business.

Original poster

LisasCat · 14/04/2011 11:55

bamboobutton that actually sounds like exactly the kind of thing he'd have wanted. Is it cheaper than the normal kind? How do you go about arranging one?

EarthMother I've been given a number to call to find out about funeral grants. Hopefully there will be assistance, as his entire estate comes to no more than £1500 (didn't own his home, furniture not worth anything) and we are completely unable to fund any shortfall, being 2 months away from me going on maternity leave.

Sadly, if we can't get additional financial help for this, I will just have to walk away and let the council deal with it, and then come after me as executor of the estate to add them to the already lengthy list opf creditors. I dread to think how many people have to leave it up to the council every year. It must cost local councils millions. Surely it would be better for the government to subsidise it, so families are more likely to take on the organisational burden themselves.

OP posts:

CestTout · 14/04/2011 12:00

Lisas I am sorry for your loss.

It is shocking. My Nana died suddenly a few years ago at 68. It was hard enough dealing with the shock let alone trying to work out how much a funeral was going to cost. Think ours came in at just shy of £4500. We are in SE so things are expensive but this was a cremation, no burial plot. The coffin alone was £600. I have told close family they can do what they want with me - make it as cheap as possible and use any extra money for a good old knees up.

bamboobutton · 14/04/2011 12:02

lisascat- just google woodland burial and you should get some place near you come up.

had a quick look here and a plot and burial would be about £800

not sure how much carboard coffins cost, ive not researched it that much.

EarthMotherImNot · 14/04/2011 12:04

If you go to directgov.com and search "funeral costs" I think you can download a form to fill in.

We received £1400 from them so still had £1000 to pay but better than the whole figure. Saying that MIL didn't have assets and lived in a care home.

Hope you get it sorted and I'm sorry for your loss

Original poster

LisasCat · 14/04/2011 12:07

CestTout that was exactly the same sentiment he expressed - cheap and cheerful, don't waste the money. Which is why I find it so dreadful that the absolute minimum cost we can expect to wittle it down to is £2000. I think the only way to save your children the expense of a funeral is to jump off a ship in the middle of the ocean (with many witnesses, so there's no delay in death certificate). Not that it worked for the Mirror Group pensions bloke...what was his name? I keep thinking Murdoch, but I think I've got that wrong!

OP posts:

Insert1x50p · 14/04/2011 12:11

Robert Maxwell

bonkers20 · 14/04/2011 12:15

LisaCat My Mother had a woodland burial last year. It really is the most beautiful place. I'd encourage you to phone your nearest one to talk over options if this is what you're thinking of.
Costs will increase if you want to have a double plot (we got one for my Father next to my Mum) and then if you want to have a "marker" that'll be a little more, but it sounds like you're looking for something perfectly simple.

The woodland site is so lovely to visit at all times of year. You can plant native bulbs or flowers or just leave it to nature.

I am sorry for your loss.

CestTout · 14/04/2011 12:16

Yes - I was thinking of taking a nice trip with everyone (plus witness) to my favourite place in Ireland. "Burried at sea" Would leave some money behind a bar nearby.

It's bad to be this blaze about it but the humour helps!

ratspeaker · 14/04/2011 12:16

It's one of those things that no one wants to shop around forit comes at such a stressfull time that you hardly think straight

bamboo dont assume a woodland burial will be cheaper, there's costs such as transporting the body, doctors certificates etc which all mount up

bonkers20 · 14/04/2011 12:19

This thread should be a reminder to all to maybe make their own wishes known, in writing somewhere where it can easily be found.
It's all very well to say you don't really mind what happens to you, but unless you have actually written this down it will be hard for your loved ones to respect your wishes or maybe to agree on what they want (which is what happens if the deceased hasn't left instructions).
It's not the most pleasant topic, but it can make things SO much less stressful for the bereaved.

AlmightyCitrus · 14/04/2011 12:20

YANBU.

Cost a bloody fortune. It sort of adds insult to injury if you get my drift. Not only have you lost a loved one, but then you have to fork out a huge amount of money.
When my dad died, I suppose we were "lucky" in a way as he had enough money to cover it, but many people don't have that sort of cash put away.

When we ordered a headstone, we were shocked at the amount added on by the council, just for the privilege of putting one up. The stone and inscription were obviously not cheap, but within the expected budget, then the council add a massive amount (and charge even more if you have a picture inscribed on the stone. ) We had to buy the burial plot in the first place, so we get charged extra for putting a stone on our bit of land.

(Can you tell this is still a sore point 3 years on.....)

bamboobutton · 14/04/2011 12:40

it's not cheap for a woodland burial but it won't be as expensive as a tradional one.

no headstone to worry about or expensive coffin.

not sure if there is a cheap way to transport my body to the woodland place, does it have to be a hearse?

when i'm older i'm going to arrange and pay for my funeral myself so my dc don't have that worry on top of losing their mum so i'll look into the cheapest options then.
and dh knows my wishes if anything dreadful should happen to me.

JemimaMuddleFuck · 14/04/2011 12:45

YANBU. It's insult upon insult.

Following "Shipman" two doctors have to sign off; each charge. Then it just escalates from there.

Original poster

LisasCat · 14/04/2011 12:46

CestTout humour is definitely the only way to keep your head straight in all of this.

AlmightyCitrus that is shocking. How can the council justify adding extra costs for the style of the headstone, even though it's not going to take up any extra space? So it's not just the funeral directors taking the biscuit, it's everyone in the business of death who adds on their own little cash cow. No wonder we all end up speechless at the final cost.

OP posts:

Lythan · 14/04/2011 12:51

I just shared my shock at the price with my DH and he said that there is a site called Cheap Funerals that will do most of it for £850. We checked the small print and that doesn't include the actual cremation which you have to pay for directly yourself. Seeing as DH has connections to a friendly funeral director (he is a Minister) he rang up and asked what it costs at our nearest crematorium. A slot costs £512 and we are on the edge of London. So it might be worth looking into that.
I'm still shocked though.
NB we haven't used them and don't know what the service is like, just thought it might help

Original poster

LisasCat · 14/04/2011 13:00

Thanks Lythan, might look into that.

I was a bit surprised when the funeral director told me that the cremation alone was £500. However, now I think about it, when my cat died the vet offered an individual cremation for £300, so I should have been prepared for the human cost being equally extortionate. In the end I told my vet he could go in the fires along with all the goldfish and guinea pigs for £10! He'd probably have preferred that to be honest. Would it be really disrespectful of me to say that perhaps there could be a similar option with humans? Seriously, when you're dead, would you mind being cremated at the same time as 5 other strangers if it meant your family only had to pay £100 for the cremation? I really wouldn't mind. What was good enough for my cat would be good enough for me.

OP posts:

IngridFletcher · 14/04/2011 13:15

The trouble is it is not the coffin or hearse that tots up the money, it is the basic things that you really have to have. For instance transporting the body and the crem fees and paying the workers to move the body from one place to another. I can't see a woodland burial being cheaper unless you did all the transport and handling the body yourself and who is going to want to do that.

grovel · 14/04/2011 14:03

It is sad but I'm not sure it's a rip-off. The head of our local funeral directors lives nearby and if he's rich he hides it very well.

girlywhirly · 14/04/2011 15:25

If I'm not wrong, I think that taking out a funeral pre-payment plan fixes the price, so that if in the future prices rise, it would not be as extortionate. Could be a great help to grieving family as they wouldn't need to fork out at once. Plus they could have all their funeral wishes planned and written down, which would help.

I guess I've just gone along with what was the done thing, certainly in the case of my parents I did what they would have wanted; but for myself I can't say I'm bothered. DH wants to buried in his parents grave, but that is hundreds of miles away, and if I'm too old or infirm to travel when he dies, I can't see that happening! (He doesn't have any siblings or kids of his own who could help either)

I could donate my mortal remains to science, I wonder if that would be any cheaper.

Flip