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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to fear motorway driving?

86 replies

steben · 14/04/2011 10:26

Has anyone overcome this and if so how? I have been driving for about 2 years and cannot bring myself to go on the motorway - but it is a fear I really want to get over so that I am not restricted in where I can go. A few years ago I witnessed a really bad accident which is where I think a lot of the fear stems from - and I have only really just now built up my confidence to drive locally.

OP posts:

xstitch · 14/04/2011 11:13

When I passed my test at first I was terrified of motorway driving. My mum bought me 2 advanced lessons with an instructor who took me on the motorway. I do a lot of Motorway driving now without a second thought, no more difficult than driving on any other road.

FabbyChic · 14/04/2011 11:14

Why not take some motorway driving lessons?

You have PTSD from seeing the previous accident, CBT can help you with this.

onEastarEggIGraze · 14/04/2011 11:14

Slip roads are the scariest bit but once you're on it's surprisingly relaxing. Like you, I'm a fairly new driver and had to make myself start driving on motorways because I didn't want to waste all the time and money I'd put into getting my license by then being too afraid to go anywhere.

The most important thing I've found is to always give myself enough space. So, not catching the car in front, watching those around me and not being afraid to pull into another lane if there is more space there. The middle lane is often full of middle lane morons people who should really just be overtaking and then pulling back in, so despite not being a natural 'fast laner' by any means, I've often found myself more comfortable overtaking in the fast lane simply because there is more space.

Also, as with any driving, don't let yourself be swayed by what you think other drivers think you should be doing. If you want to do the entire journey in the slow lane, do so. It's not a competition - the only objective is to get where you're going safely. There will always be idiots who try and drive up your arse but that is because they are idiots, not because you're doing something wrong. Unless you're driving at 40mph, obviously

Good luck!

Mrsmackie · 14/04/2011 11:15

Steben - can totally share your fear as I too can't bring myself to drive on motorways alone, despite having been driving for four years. I occasionally will do if dh is with me but I generally let him do most motorway driving. I don't know what it is - seems to be more about the getting on and exiting. I know that I need to bite the bullet and keep practicing but it is hard. I do sympathise!

OliPocket · 14/04/2011 11:17

I know your pain! I was the same - driving for 4-5 years without ever going on a motorway. Hated joining the motorway as I was convinced I would just drive straight into someone.

This all changed when I met DH who at the time lived 100 miles away from me. He came to see me all the time and I felt stupid not going to see him just because of my fear of motorway driving. So one day, just got in the car and got on with it. The motorway bit was so easy - I got lost after I left the motorway though!

Good luck - you won't know yourself when you've done it a few times and you'll be really chuffed

ProfYaffle · 14/04/2011 11:19

I didn't drive on a motorway for years after passing my test. I eventually decided I was being ridiculous and had to sort it out. Luckily, I lived near a motorway at the time. I got my then boyfriend to come with me and practiced on light summer evenings when there was hardly any traffic. I got on at one slip road, came off at the next. I was most worried about getting on at the sliproads, once I'd had the chance to get used to how the traffic looked in my mirrors etc I was fine. I now drive 250 miles on motorways to visit my parents without a second thought. It's boring as shite but not scary

Shimmerysilverglitter · 14/04/2011 11:22

Practice is the only thing that helps. Get on there and just sit in the slow lane, at a nice gentle 55 mph.

As you come on everyone gets out of your way or slows down to let you on, so don't worry about that.

Go early in the morning or late at night when there are not many cars about for your first time to get used to it.

Or you could book a holiday in Spain the way I did, hire a car, then have to get your self to your apartment an hour and a half away from the airport, driving on the other side of the road and negotiating the hairiest motorways known to man. That sort of put my UK motorway fears into perspective .

adamschic · 14/04/2011 11:24

I had a bf who lived 80 miles away, I used to drive if I took DD with me but often went on the train as it cost about the same as the petrol money. Was really bad if I had a row with him and it was dark as I couldn't storm out. I was too petrified of driving on the motorway in the dark.

Wonder what happened to him.

nijinsky · 14/04/2011 11:24

Take a couple of lessons on motorway driving. This country is quite unusual in that motorway driving is not taught in order to pass the driving test. Hence the standard of motorway driving is variable. That said, if you are aware of your deficiences, you will potentially be a lot safer than someone who is not.

The basic rules of motorway driving are very simple. e.g. join the motorway at the speed of the traffic travelling on it (so not 35mph unless there is a hold up). You will be travelling faster so get used to looking further ahead for potential hazards. Drive in the inside lane unless overtaking. There is no such thing as "the fast lane". Return to the inside lane when finished overtaking.

I prefered driving on the authobahn when I lived in Germany. Around 115-120mph was my preferred cruising speed. You get places much quicker and lane discipline is much better. As long as you avoid the British tourists doing 60mph in the middle lanes!

KatieWatie · 14/04/2011 11:27

I love motorway driving too, but I know a LOT of people who are frightened of it.

When I was learning I thought it would be terrifying and that I would ALWAYS stick to the lefthand lane, but I soon got that idea out of my head once I actually started using them...

I advise you to just bite the bullet and go for it, perhaps start on a Sunday evening whilst it's still light.

eastegg · 14/04/2011 11:36

I've started driving again about 2 years ago, having not driven before that for about 9 years. I started again because we decided we had to get a car when we had Ds who is nearly 2. I still have a general nervousness about driving in unfamiliar places and on motorways; haven't been on a Mway at all since my younger driving days and then not much. The particular Mway journey I need to crack is a long one (London to one of the Sheffield exits for Manchester and then over windey roads over the moors). I think if I had a shorter journey to do I would have done it by now. Also would have my little boy with me when going to Manchester and that makes it more scary, and I'd be the only other person in the car (if DH is there then he can drive anyway!) What I'm going to do is have a go next Thursday when we're all driving up for Easter. We need to just steel ourselves and do it, it'll be fine.

LifeOfKate · 14/04/2011 11:41

Have you driven on A roads with the whole sliproad process? IMO A roads are much worse (I'm looking at you, A1 ), motorways are much simpler, as they have lovely big slip roads which you can sometimes drive for miles down before you actually get on :o Not like the piddly little short ones to get onto the A1 which scare the life out of me. Also 3 lanes is much better than 2, I drive in the left lane and use the middle one for overtaking, which can be a bit scary on an A road as you get people right behind you whilst overtaking who think you're not going fast enough, whereas the whole other lane on a motorway means this doesn't happen.
I do find both easier than inner city driving though, particularly where there are confusing one way systems and when it's very busy with pedestrians just waiting to jump out in front of you
I second all the suggestions to book a couple of motorway lessons if you think it will calm your fears :)

GeekCool · 14/04/2011 11:45

It seems scarier than it is. The first few goes it is a bit 'argh!' joining a motorway.
One of the hardest things I find is after driving on a motorway for a prolonged time - over an hour - when leaving it the reduction is speed is weird. I have to pay serious attention or I end up going over 30mph speed limits.

Dropdeadfred · 14/04/2011 11:51

Passed my test in January this year and was determined to drive on motorway as my sil is terrified and drives miles to avoid motorways. I drove from Surrey to Canterbury completely alone... M25, m26, m20 and m2. I loved it!!!

thebody · 14/04/2011 12:09

I completely understand... i passed my test 30 years ago!!!! recently my dh had to work abroad for 6 months and I was left to move my ds to uni.... UP THE M5 AND M6.... OMG I had nightmares about this for months.. i am confident in all other areas of my life but this was a real challenge for me.... I DID IT and it really wasnt as bad as I thought

since then I have driven with dd down to kent...sure we took a wrong turning and ended up going over the q.e.2 bridge and then back on the M 25 BUT I was serene....

the only problems I have now are driving near an airport as if I see a plane overhead I seem to steer the car in its direction so Heathrow is a bit of a nightmare.. have to keep sun roof closed!!!

scaryteacher · 14/04/2011 12:14

Have no problem driving on the motorways in the UK; but loathe driving on the motorways in Belgium as it scares me shitless, especially the Ring around the junction for the airport; it's not a motorway it's a bloody free for all.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 14/04/2011 12:17

well done for tackling this.
i was another terrified one. i started out by taking my very calm DH with me, and just mastering a few typical journerys and the slip roads required (MIL's house, Shopping Centre, hospital). Then only when really comfortable I drove to MIL's early one Sunday morning. I was shaking, but it gets easier every time.
and do get a sat nav. it means you have one less thing to worry about.

My MIL never tackled her fears, and now will only drive in her very small comfort zone (she is only 51 - it's not an age thing). she misses out, as she doesn't work, and could spend her week out visiting, but instead can only go visiting on a Friday when FIL's around to drive her.

Quenelle · 14/04/2011 12:18

I used to be the same. You just need practice I'm afraid.

I started by choosing a junction that had a sliproad that flowed into its own lane, so I didn't have to pull into the flowing traffic IYSWIM. It wasn't too scary to just drive along at 70mph with the other traffic passing me on my right. Then when I felt confident enough I tried overtaking a lorry, then a few more vehicles and before long I was rolling along and passing slower vehicles as I approached them without a worry.

Then I chose a Sunday afternoon to try a junction where I had to pull into the flowing traffic, and kept practising like that until I felt confident.

I felt happier doing these on my own, rather than having the distraction of a passenger, but of course you may feel safer with someone next to you.

Since then I have even driven almost the length of France on its motorways. It really is just practise until you feel more confident.

Good luck

tartanbuggy · 14/04/2011 12:27

ENSMUM · 14/04/2011 13:06

The motorway is actually safer than most roads and once you are on it isn't too tricky. It's getting on and off that you need to get used to. Book a lesson with a driving instructor and you'll spend it driving between junctions - I expect you'll feel far more confident having got out and done it and will feel safe doing it if with an instructor.
Good luck!

IloveJudgeJudy · 14/04/2011 13:08

Why don't you take the advanced driving course. My DM 75 has just started it because my father hasn't renewed his licence. He is a very controlling man and always made remarks about my DM's driving. She is taking this to give herself more confidence and to be able to say that she is an advanced driver (which he is not). She's had to do some practice, but is already seeing big differences.

If you don't want to do that, then take some lessons with a driving school. As you have passed your test, you can do motorway driving. I learnt in Germany and you had to do motorway driving as part of the test. It was great.

I wish you luck. You know you can do it!

EssexGurl · 14/04/2011 13:35

As others have said, take some refresher lessons. I passed my test at 22 and didn't need to drive again until mis-30s. We were in London with everything on the doorstep then just before DS was born we moved to Essex and a car was needed by me.

Anyway, got a lovely woman instructor who knew exactly how I was feeling. We didn't do motorway driving as such as we are on the A12 so that is bad enough. But she basically did all the things with me that I was worried about - parking, overtaking, motorways/A roads.

OK, it was not that cheap but it was a real sanity saver for me and now I'm quite happy going off for the day with DC's.

goosey123 · 14/04/2011 13:44

I'm another motorway phobic. passed a year ago, drive in London and have never been above 40 miles an hour. I also need to bite the bullet, but always seem to have 2 small kids in the car which makes the fear of an accident 100 times worse.... Good luck! I have promised myself I will do it before the end of this year as it is so restrictive...

GingerWrath · 14/04/2011 13:51

LifeofKate completely with you on the A1 thing....we live off of one of the ridiculously short slip roads..I can't go ANYWHERE without going on the A1!

Bottleofbeer · 14/04/2011 14:06

I don't even drive but I have a fear of motorway driving! it came out of absolutely nowhere, I used to quite enjoy it. Now I am a nervous wreck in the days running up to being on a motorway and I spend the whole time pumping imaginary brakes and physically cringing when driving alongside an HGV.

I hate it because I love Cornwall and being in the NW it's a helluva motorway drive :(

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