AIBU to be annoyed with someone who wont wait for an invitation?

[Goodynuff]

back story: Boy X is friends with my DS from when they were at the same school. Boy X goes to a different school now, different set of friends. His mother is really pushing for them to stay friends. I have tried to support it, but I am having a hard time with issues coming up. Boy X has had headlice twice in the last 6 months (I know it is not his fault, but I still don't want an infestation in our house), his house has been infested with bed bugs, that keep coming back, over the last year, and his mother is very unbalanced. She has MH issues, goes off her meds, fights with the neighbours, gets arrested, then acts like nothing has happened. She smokes in the house, and allows known dealers to come over.
I am not comfortable with my DS being their, so all visits happen at our house. This brings me to the invitation problem. I am usually busy on weekends, as that is when we go and visit with my family (out of town). My DH works away, so I am on my own, and I really enjoy a chance to talk with other adults.
Boy X's mother will call me up, and ask when will I have her son over? She is very pushy about making sure it is a sleep over, I do all the driving as she has no car, and she seems to want him over every weekend.
I have said I was busy, perhaps another time, but she will keep calling back until I give her a date. She will then call 4 or 5 more times to confirm.
AIBU to expect her to wait until I offer to have her DS over?
sorry so long

YANBU that is quite rude of her, but sounds like it's as a result of her MH/drugs issues. She's trying to use you as a free childminding service while she gets wasted does what she likes at weekends. Can you ignore the calls? Change number/bar her calls (not sure whether or not that can be done, just a thought)?

YANBU......Just be firm with her, tell her no you are very busy this weekend, then turn your phone off so she doesn't keep hassling you. This isn't your child and you shouldn't be bullied into babysitting him every weekend.

I'm worried about her son. Is he nice? Does he need the stability of your home?

I'm also concerned about this child. Are SS involved?

Yes, the poor little lad

I'm not implying he's (or she's) your responsibility OP, but he sounds like he's in a nightmare situation.

Just have him over when it's convenient to you, and like the other posters have said, be firm or ignore the phone.

Is there any particular reason you've not done this in the past?

I said poor little lad, but how old are they OP?

I had a similar situation with my stepson. I dont mean to be judgemental but I just made it my role when he was with us to show him love and attention, and show him how other families live so he wouldnt repeat his mothers mistakes when he was an adult.

My Ds is 11, boy X is 12, but hangs out with 13, 14 year olds. We have him over about once every 4 weeks. My Ds has other friends he also want to hang out with, and we are away often. We try to do what we can for him, I know his home life is rotten. If I didn't feel so bad, I would have blocked them long ago. It feels like our house is the only place where he gets attention, full meals, and outings. We take him hiking, fish and on trips with us. We invite him to birthday parties and such.
I just wish his mother wasn't so pushy. She calls and rambles on for ages, telling me how much she likes our family, and wants us to spend more time together....

Boy X has been getting into a lot of trouble, tagging, small fires, fighting and such. I think his Mother wants us to straighten him out. I have suggested she get some help for him, and she has him set up with a big brother program, but it doesn't seem to make much difference.

Does your DS like the boy? How old are they? If they are little ones then I would find it hard to dump them too....but really if she iss hassling you like this and the kids are 11 plus then I would back out slowly....it sounds like harrassment to me!

Ah Goodynuff.....I don't think you shoud be ding what you are doing.

Yes it is sad...but the lad is not your responibility. The getting into trouble worries me....don't you mind the influence he may have over your DS?

DS like hanging out with him, in small increments. Boy X is a nice kid, in small measures. He tries to be well behaved at ours, and really wants our approval, but after 15 or 20 hours together he starts becoming quite bossy. I try to make sure he is dropped off back at his before it reaches that point, if I am able.
Thank you everyone who is responding so nicely, I thought I might get told to suck it up, and told that is just how it is with kids.

I think Madamdeath gives good advice. If you tell this woman that you have a lot on at the minute but from now on you will have her DS on a particular weekend once a month then she can know what to expect and if she hassles you you can remind her of the arrangement.

Its that or stop it really....because of her MH issues she's not very reasonable.

Not laying it on you OP, but I'm sure when the lad looks back on this time in his life he'll see you as a safe haven in his storm.

I'm sure the mum is just doing what we're all doing and trying to get by every day, but just not hitting the mark every time in her care of him.

Difficult position in that you seem to give a shit what happens to him, but don't want infesting and to get too embroiled in their lives.

Yes AgenZZ....I would say OP also that from time to time, all good Mothers may find themselves in a similar situation. A Mother is a Mother at the end of the day...I am glad he has you to be there for him.