AIBU to think everyone expects too much from me

[onehellofaride]

I have two DC (aged 1 and 3) and one DSS (age 4) who stays with us two nights a week. I have a lovely DH who has recently (in the last twelve months) set up his own business which is doing quite well at the moment but takes up alot of time. I work full time as a paralegal for a Solicitors firm, the wage is not good but they are paying for my education (to become a Solicitor) and I have recently completed my police station accreditation to represent clients in the police station however I am not being paid any extra for this at the moment even though it is meaning that about once a week I do not get in from work until about 2 am and start again at 9 am. The firm gives me alot in terms of experience and I absolutely love it.

I could earn more working somewhere else in a job that is going nowhere but I am trying to think about the future. Due to time constraints I decide to study distance and do two years in one but now I have ten exams in June and I am terrified. Most of the people I know are absolutely fantastic but have not continued with education and think I am very clever and never stop for one minute to think that I might not be able to do all this and that I might fail at anything. It is just presumed that I will do well.

I have some anxiety issues (bad past) and the only person I could really speak to about this was my dad who passed away a year ago. Without him I am not sure whether I can do this.

My mum is lovely but thinks that when you have children you should make a decision between them and a career and thinks I am awful for putting them in childcare while I work.

I argue quite alot with my DH and I think it's stress related, money is also tight and we have both made mistakes in our past which have led to debts.

To be honest I feel like jack of all trades master of none and worry that I am not good enough at anything, being a mother, wife, at work etc

How can I continue to juggle children, husband, working, studying, house, money etc???

Sorry if this is garbled I'm tired!

I've been in your shoes, trained as a legal exec while working full time, but that was pre children and was bad enough then!

I think you have to just try not to think too far into the future. Plan one month ahead, what you need to do to keep the children fed clothed and looked after (outsource as much as you can afford to), and do a revisionplan. Will your employers let you have time off to revise? Ask them - they're investing in you and won't want you to have to retake the exams.

I know what you mean about everyone just expecting you to keep all the plates spinning effortlessly, but my advice would be to ask for as much help as you need, and don't think beyond the next month.

Best of luck with your exams.

You have a heck of a lot of plates spinning right now. I did professional exams over two years finishing when the DC were 10 and 13. Think you need to take stock now and see if you can do all of this in one year or if you need to spread it over two. If you think you can finish in one give it a go but don't be disappointed if you have to do a retake. Can you put the representation on hold until after the exams. I understood solicitors exams years ago and thought you had to do cpe if first degree not law then full time Law Society exams and then articles but things may have changed.

Ultimately you have to be realistic about how much help you are going to get in the next couple of months and pace yourself. If you think you can do it, it will be a case of solid determination, minimum sleep and total focus. Good luck OP - it will be worth it in the end but don't be too disappointed if it takes longer than you had hoped.

cat64 I know I have bitten off more than I can chew but now I can't go back on anything. I just don't really know what to do about it

mumblechum did you ever get the feeling you were going to crack? my employers are good and I have alot of loyalty to the firm, it kind of sucks you in but it is not going through a good patch and alot of people have just been made redundant. The branch I work for is now moving which means on top of everything I will now have an hour commute and longer hours, honestly I don't know what the fuck to do and I am just trying to get through the day with everything

It doesn't answer your question but you sound awesome!

I'm sorry your mum isn't more supportive though. The right child care is fabulous though so don't feel guilty about that.

once I did two years of a law degree but I stupidly dropped out when my dad died thinking I could never do it without him. I have since taken stock and I am more determined but I dread to think what he would say to me now! I decided to go down the route of ILEX as a couple of other people I work with are doing that but I want to become a Solicitor not a legal exec so will have to do the rest of the SRA core subjects which are apparently harder than the degree because they are specialist. On the plus side I will have to do the LPC but not the training contract as I have enough years of qualifying employment.

golemmings thank you! some days I think I should emigrate

I think if I'd had my kids at the same time as I was working full time and training as a lawyer something would have had to give tbh.

I'm not an expert but because you have practical experience and have actually dealt with the legal issues you are studying you might not find the SRA core subjects as hard now as you might have found the degree before this experience. I'm quite sure that if your dad were around now, like mine, he'd be saying something like "best foot forward - get this over with as best you can and I'll be very proud of you whatever happens".

The part of your post that really resonated for me was when you said it never occurred to people that you might fail. Boy, do I know where you're coming from with that! It's bloody annoying and for me it used to mean that I felt it should all be easy, no matter what IT was. Now I'm able to say to people "Oi, this is tough! Appreciate that I'm finding it hard will you!" which helps. I also would echo the above posters advice. You do have an endpoint, so plan month by month and just get through. Then the end point will arrive and it sounds like that will be so worth it.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad too, losing that kind of support is very hard.

God I'm bloody impressed OP. No really relevant experience in the field, but could you use the commute to revise?

Could you ask for more support from friends? It may be that you are doing such a good impression of superwoman that they don't think you need any.

June is long enough away to get in a really concentrated period of revision, but short enough that you could, say, ask someone for a couple of hours help a week until after your exams.

Good luck!

skiing thank you

grumpla unfortunately I drive! and you are completely right about the impression of superwoman.

Pride comes into it as well you want everyone to think you are coping when your maybe not coping as well as you could be

Yup, I recognise that feeling

In that case you should spend your commute singing along to very loud music, sounds like it might be your only time to relax!