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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have a baby shower?

17 replies

Chocolocolate · 12/04/2011 20:01

I really don't like the idea of having a party where the aim is for people to give me presents and so have always really disliked the whole concept of baby showers.

I am pregnant with my first baby and have just started telling people. I am the first in my friend group to be pregnant and most of them are not planning to start families for a fair while, due to busy careers.

They have all got very excited and have asked me if I'm having a baby shower. I said no - cue disappointed faces.

Seems my friends want an excuse to go mad in the baby section of shops and are now begging me to have one.

I've said I'll be very grateful for anything that they want to buy, but don't want a party just so people can give me gift, but my friends really want to hold one.

What should I do?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/04/2011 20:02

Stop being such a grouch and have a bloody party!

worraliberty · 12/04/2011 20:04

I washed my babies in the bathroom sink if that's any help.....

MillsAndDoom · 12/04/2011 20:12

Well if they want one then let them arrange it?

NotShortImHotCrossBunSized · 12/04/2011 20:14

Have one, it's your first, they won't be so interested and willing to do it for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th.... Wink

And congratulations!

cottonreels · 12/04/2011 20:17

Congrats! Just have a party and say they can bring a poem or a baby tip, or something to make you laugh instead of a present

Newgolddream · 12/04/2011 20:21

Like you I have a problem with this, but not as much as wedding lists mind you lol. Saying that if they insist, who are you to say no!

recklesspixie · 12/04/2011 20:31

I'm invited to a baby-shower this weekend and am really pissed off, I think they are unnecessary and a bit 'grabby'. I have to go because it's my SIL but would say no to anyone else, I mean I'll be buying a present when the baby is born next month and then another present a few weeks later for the christening. I'm due my 1st baby in September and wouldn't dream of having a baby-shower.

QueenSconetta · 12/04/2011 20:38

I like the idea of having a little party to celebrate, a bit like a baby hen night, but I also don't like the idea that people are expected just to come and give you presents. I also don't feel comfortable with buying presents for a baby who is not born yet, so when I was invited to a baby shower at the weekend I bought a gift for the Mum but not for the baby. I will buy something when the baby is born.

At this baby shower the Grandpa-to-be had a grand national sweepstake and a proportion of the money was going to 'the baby fund', which I thought was the height of tacky, awful mercenary-ness, a bit like asking for money in lieu of gifts at a wedding.

Perhaps you could have a party/lunch but specifically request no presents?

Sheilathegreat · 12/04/2011 20:44

I'm the least baby shower person there is but I was also "bullied" into having one by my friends. I agreed on the proviso there were no gifts allowed. We all brought food round and just had a really pleasant afternoon talking babies, the future and life in general.

It doesn't have to be tacky if you don't let it. Make it your own and indulge yourself in quality time with your friends- it wont be so easy once the baby is here Smile

purplebrickroad · 12/04/2011 20:46

Do not encourage.
Like big weddings, it is a shortly to be ended custom.

etyksm · 12/04/2011 20:48

I didn't have a baby shower but one of my friends wanted an excuse for a night out. So we went out for a meal and I made it very clear it wasn't a baby shower and that I was banned from bringing any more baby stuff in the house or OH would go mental :-) (we had 2 close friends with slightly older boys who went YIPEE someone else can use/ store our baby stuff for a while so our house was FULL!)

we had a lovely night and everyone was very pleased to come.

I personally don't like baby showers, would much rather give gifts once baby has safely arrived.

bubblecoral · 12/04/2011 20:49

The only redeeming feature a baby shower had is that is is supposed to be organised for friends for the Mum to be. One that is organised by a pregnant lady for herself is just the height of tacky, grabby, self centred rudeness. If your friends want to do it for you, then let them, as long as you stipulate no presents. If they want to go crazy buying cute stuff, they can do it when the baby is born. You don't have to have a party for that.

PonceyMcPonce · 12/04/2011 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Chocolocolate · 12/04/2011 20:58

Thank you for the congratulations Grin

I'd be very happy with a party/lunch with no prezzies, however I think quite a few friends will all buy prezzies. They want the party quote "as an excuse to splurge on baby things."

Then you have the problem of people who don't want to buy pressies/think it's rude feeling uncomfortable and like they have to buy prezzies as the other people have.

I wonder if involving some of my particularly enthusiastic friends in my own baby shopping trips would satisfy them - so they help me chose what to buy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolocolate · 12/04/2011 20:59

Sorry - missed a sentence.

Then a nice party with cake but NO presents.

OP posts:
geordieminx · 12/04/2011 21:00

Have an afternoon tea.

seeker · 12/04/2011 21:06

You're not supposed to hold a baby shower - your girlfriends do it for you!

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