To tell SIL that she is lucky to have free childcare?!

[PlopPlopPing]

Last week I was having a conversation with my SIL about how hard me and DH find it getting out on our own. PIL are extremely reluctant to babysit for us but will for BIL and SIL. Just a case of favourites really and BIL and SIL being extremely pushy. It has even escalated to PIL saying they will have our dcs and then changing their mind at the last minute leaving us up shit creak (so to speak) on several occassions. This was extremely upsetting and lost me some temping work and made me unable to go to my cousins wedding.

So I was chatting to SIL and said that she was lucky with the help she gets and that it enables her to work etc and go out (every week). I can't work as my parents are unable to babysit and PIL say no or say yes and then change their mind (can't get regular childcare as I work erratically and would end up paying for childcare I didn't need, plus wouldn't earn enough to cover it anyway).

It was just innocent chat really but she took offence and started getting really stroppy. She was holding a hammer at the time and seriously I thought she was going to attack me. The woman is a loon. I had thought she would just say "yes we are lucky, I don't know what I would do without their help" or something but she actually didn't think she was lucky at all! (they get help from other grandparents as well, plus godparents so generally have more then they need).

For me, as someone who has had to beg for help when I haven't been coping at all (PND plus other horrendous things) and told "no", I can't believe someone would be so unappreciative?!

She then started saying that PIL don't look after my dcs because they are getting on a bit when they still look after hers every week so b**cks, and bringing up all sorts of irrelevant things about benefit scroungers (I'm not on benefits).

I think the woman is mental.

Ah, ok had a rant and feel a bit better now!

No, you definitely shouldn't trust them! They've blown it - for you, unfortunately (as they don't seem to care about having blown it for themvselves).

Would a local babysitting swap work? If there are times you can guarantee to be free, you could build up credit with a SAHM, or part-time parent. It's long-term and a faff, but could be more reliable than your family.

YANBU but I think you're directing your anger at the wrong person. It is your PIL who are at fault. You can't expect your SIL to give up work or have her children see less of the GPs just because they are being unfair to you. She probably got defensive because what you said sounded like a bit of a dig.
Maybe it is just that the GP's have overstretched themselves offering childcare for SIL and don't feel able to do any more babysitting. Do the GP's visit your DC? If not I would have a quiet word and say that your DC are starting to notice that they don't see them very often and are a bit upset.

And I also think a babysitting circle is a good idea. As annoying as it is when you see other helpful GPs you aren't actually entitled to any babysitting from them. And I feel your pain I also had PND which the GP's new about and the only babysitting we've had is one rushed meal and when I was giving birth to ds (which I took too long about apparently). Whereas PIL have bought a flat to be nearer to their other grandchild and help his mum around the house etc (they expect to be waited on when they come to us). At the end of the day I see it like it is their loss having no solo time with their grandkids.

buttonmooncup I suppose I feel annoyed at her as she takes the piss with the GPs, still complains and doesn't appreciate it. She's quite underhand really and probably sticks the boot in when she gets the chance so I think she is part of the problem.

I had the same problem whilst giving birth too!

"the same problem whilst giving birth"- what, your SIL nabbed your PIL then as well?!

As so often the case, violethill speaks so much sense.

As for working, I assume your usual line of work involves shifts hence problem of specifying childcare to a minder/nursery. Could you work around DH's hours? My mother did for years - she worked 2 shifts per week when we were small but never used a childminder.

I think have have you SIL's twin!!!! Similar issue too but the inlaws have finally stood up to her.