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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To see a solicitor re child support?

40 replies

EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 14:42

ExP and I split 8 years ago. He's contributed nothing to our son's upkeep since!

DS and I moved abroad last year to be with my new DP and, apparently, we have no case with the CSA - just spoke with them on the phone.

Has anyone, if no joy with CSA, taken matters further, eg, solicitors/courts, etc?

Thank you for any responses.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/04/2011 14:44

When did you first apply to them?

FabbyChic · 12/04/2011 14:50

YOu left it 8 years?

Why?

You have to live in the UK in order to be able to bring a case in the UK court.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 14:52

8 years ago, when we first split. We managed to get £40 a month for 4 months and then the payments stopped.

I've asked exP more than once if he'd be willing to contribute to his son's upkeep, to which I receive a stone wall.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 12/04/2011 14:54

why do you not have a case with the CSA?

JeffTracy · 12/04/2011 14:55

You moved abroad? Does your ExP have PR?

The CSA do not collect money if you move out of the UK. You should apply to the national organisation where you live now.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:00

As I said, they did arrange payments a while after we'd split, but it only continued for 4 months. The payments stopped and after all the rigmarole of getting that measly amount in the first place, I left it. ExP also assured me that he had a "shit hot accountant" and he'll get out of paying and if I proceeded we'd "fall out". He's an asshole and I really didn't need the stress of him throwing a hissy fit and my son losing out on seeing him.

My son and I moved abroad last year - the CSA woman I spoke to today put it simply: "You won't get any, then, because you live abroad. You can try, but you probably won't get anything".

OP posts:
Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:02

I'm sorry, JeffTracy, PR??

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/04/2011 15:03

You probably wouldn't have got any anyway by the sound of it.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:08

But, surely, it's not impossible to find out how much someone earns, their assets, etc.

He is quite wealthy and I feel as though he's got away with it for too long!

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofDenial · 12/04/2011 15:15

PR = Parental Responsibility.

Is he self employed because if he is then I believe it's easy for him to lie about how much he earns.

FabbyChic · 12/04/2011 15:15

You cannot take court action against someone in the UK unless you have a UK address.

Im sorry but you left it 8 years, are you suddenly skint or something?

Why don't you just leave it be, it's been 8 years no doubt he hasnt seen his son it that time either because you took him out of the country.

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 12/04/2011 15:16

Fabby the OP only took him out of the country last year.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:22

My son still sees his father. We go back to England every half term, Easter, Christmas. DS will usually stay with his dad a day or two - summer holidays a little longer.

I've always been eager for DS to see his dad.

ExP is self employed, yes. Last I knew he had 2 businesses and properties in Dubai.

Fabby, we have to pay for my son to go to school. I believe NOW is the time DS's dad should be contributing. Something. Anything.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/04/2011 15:25

He should contribute definitely...but not to the schooling if you've chosen to live abroad where it has to be paid for.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:26

That's all I want him to do, worryliberty, contribute.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/04/2011 15:28

Well really you have had 8yrs in which to try to sort it.

crazygracieuk · 12/04/2011 15:29

Do you live in a EU country? Some EU countries like Switzerland have child support agreements whereby UK child support orders can be enforced when one parent is in UK and other in a country like Switzerland. (I'm not sure of the technical terms but hopefully you know what I mean!)

FabbyChic · 12/04/2011 15:30

He should contribute all fathers should. However, your difficulty is that you are not in the UK, you are limited to what you can and cannot do.

To take anybody to court in England and Wales you need an address in the UK.

Besides that Im not sure courts look at maintenance anymore its all done via the CSA.

If you had a UK address even that of a friend in the UK you could use that to get the CSA on the case. But you would then need a UK bank account for the money to be paid into.

Have you discussed this with your ex partner?

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:30

crazygracieuk, yes. We live in Switzerland!

Would I need to find a family law solicitor here, then?

OP posts:
Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:33

FabbyChic, would I be able to use my parent's address (where DS and I lived for the 8 years since split)? I do still have my UK bank account open.

I rang the CSA today, just to know what my options were. I planned on talking to exP after having some facts.

OP posts:
ballstoit · 12/04/2011 15:34

If you think £40 a month is a measly amount, I wouldnt bother tbh. CSA have awarded me £3 a week for 3 DC. And ex-H still isnt paying it Angry

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:35

Oh dear. That's awful, ballstoit! Some men are just absolute shits.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 12/04/2011 15:35

You would have to say you lived there, not that you were using the address, that is the only way it would work.

Original poster
EndoTheRoad · 12/04/2011 15:37

Hmmm. So lying, basically. I'd probably be the one hauled up in court!

Just wish there was an easier way...

OP posts:
VajazzHands · 12/04/2011 15:47

Cant believe the attitude that because the OP left it 8 years it's her tough luck. Her ex has seen his son, she's paid for everything now she is desperate she needs a bit of help.

Yanbu. Although if you are paying for school so your son can study in English you might want to consider letting him go to a swiss school because it will help him become bilingual which is awesome.