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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bloody well pissed off with estate agents (or at least the ones I've dealt with!)

72 replies

chicletteeth · 11/04/2011 23:14

Just that.
I am a woman! I run our household. My husband works and I don't; I've recently given up to take care of our three young DC (not that that should matter but to some it will).
We are selling our house and buying another and I am in every dealing with our sale, purchae, survey, mortgage, solicitors etc....
I don't mind this - to some extent since giving up work, it gives me something else to do.

However, when getting agents in to value our house prior to putting it on the market, a direct question as to how much there fees were, was deflected saying we need to speak to the man of the house!
This happened three times! They all insisted on speaking to my husband first who then said "err, my wife is dealing with this, speak to her, she can sort it out thanks"

Then today, I rang up to arrange a viewing of a house we are interested in only to be asked what mine and OHs initials are to which I responded A and B Chicletteeth (a being me since he asked me)

So he then said so you are Mrs. B Chicletteeth then?

No, I'm bloody well not - and why would you think that unless you are 60+ years old (he wasn't)

This may seem petty and I have in the past dealt with this from patients who say can I speak to my real doctor (i.e. you're too young/blonde/ etc...)! But WTF andwhy oh why does this still happen?
I'm annoyed, my husband in agreement that this is wierd behaviour from the estate agents (all male ) but has this happened to any of you and does it piss you off?

OP posts:

noddyholder · 12/04/2011 09:42

God men are pathetic at times. I.m sure the poor little plumbers are terrified although if they are anything like the ones I employ they are pretty Neanderthal and wouldn.t know one end of a woman from another. Why on earth would a woman accuse a man of something he hand.t done? Still don.t get the Suzy lamplugh comparison

VivaLeBeaver · 12/04/2011 09:52

Its one rerason that Drs have a chaperone - its to protect them from false alligations as well as protecting the women.

noddyholder · 12/04/2011 09:54

Blimey my doctor has been to see me loads no chaperone ever!

VivaLeBeaver · 12/04/2011 09:56

Sorry, I meant just if you have an internal examination. Not for routine appt.

candleshoe · 12/04/2011 10:14

My DH and his staff (all female) go alone to all their appointments with men and women. I don't think they regard it as a major issue.

CokeFan · 12/04/2011 11:57

Well, I don't have a problem with letters addressed to "Mr and Mrs

Original poster

chicletteeth · 12/04/2011 12:18

I don't mind being called Mrs Chicletteeth.

But I'm Mrs. A (my christian name initial) Chicletteeth not Mrs. B (OH christian name initial) Chicletteeth.

It is a most odd way of addressing someone.

Should have said I'm not Mrs anything - I'm Dr. Chicletteeth but then OH and I both are so that would have confused him even more

Yes hissymissy, man of the house is bloody rude.

I did speak to the manager of C and W and told her why I was cross; firstly the man of the house comment but also when asked a direct question about fees, why he just wouldn't give me a direct answer? She agreed it was odd.

Let's face it, all EAs put you on rightmove - the differentiating factor for most people I reckon will be cost!

I've only recently started using Chicleteeth since giving up work. I always went by my birth surname (despite being married, I use both names which is quite legal and common in my profession) but since now everything I do pertains to house and home and children, it's just easier that we all have the same surname.

So if one doesn't take their OHs name - then whose name do the children get?

OP posts:

wannaBe · 12/04/2011 12:22

I've been dealing with all the estate agents and have never had this issue.

knittedbreast · 12/04/2011 12:25

not really the same but when i tried to buy a sofa up north the man said he needed to speak to my husband to make sure i had permission to buy it. i was speechless, thats quite rare for me

Original poster

chicletteeth · 12/04/2011 12:29

Ha knittedbreast

The guy at the car dealership last year when we bought a car said "are you sure" when I said the car should be bought in my name because it was, errr, my car! He had to check with my husband, who just laughed at him!

Guy was happy to let me pay for the bloody thing using my debit card though.

Maybe I somehow unwittingly invite sexist behaviour from salesmen - can't think how!

OP posts:

Camerondiazepam · 12/04/2011 12:42

Happens all the time. Particularly riles me when I get someone to come & quote for some work on the house, and they follow up with a written quote addressed to Mr Diazepam. So they're writing to someone they've never met, who may or may not exist/be alive, and totally bypassing the person who actually engaged them in the first place. Needless to say, the quote usually goes straight in the bin. So a massive waste of everyone's time, and a really good way to not win some business.

Moben/Sharp/Dolphin do the appointment thing too, where they won't come on an appointment with you if "hubby" isn't there. Fucking annoying.

nijinsky · 12/04/2011 12:43

noddyholder "I renovate houses for a living and get this all the time! Not from agents or builders who know me but any new ones!!! Atm I am having some wood panelling done in d/s loo new builder as a small job and usual guy too busy and at the last minute I decided not to panel the ceiling but to plaster it. Asked guy for price to plaster it as it needed to be done before paint and he gave me a price I said OK do it and he wanted to wait for dp to ok it!!!!! Why? In the end I had to say I will get someone else to do it and you can come back and finish the panelling when its done. He soon changed his tune! I also said I didn't want skirting as the room is too small and got some beading to trim it. Said guy waited til dp was home and I heard him ask Are you sure no skirting? Didn't want to put trim on til you had seen it! Dp told him to ask me as it is my project. The worst thing is this guy is young"

I usually have a renovation project on the go too and I never get this in Edinburgh and the Lothians but I get it often in Aberdeen. In Aberdeen, they tend to assume female = stupid = getting away with overcharging and bad job. I wonder if it because Aberdeen is full of well paid men working in the oil industry. I've also noticed it is a rarity for engineers (my DP is one) to have a wife or girlfriend who has a professional career.

Otherwise in Scotland its something like 40% of women earn more than their DHs/DPs so if they have this attitude they are going to be missing out on a lot of business!

JaneS · 12/04/2011 12:46

Oh, no, cameron, 'hubby' is foul!

I had a really strange one when from a very sweet elderly guy who rang my then partner to give him a quote for the work on DP's car to pass the MOT and concluded 'I'll give you a minute to talk it over with Her Indoors, then you can ring me back'. Bless him. It was a lovely mix of right sentiment/wording that'd usually have me bristling. Liked it.

Original poster

chicletteeth · 12/04/2011 12:47

Her indoors

grrr grr grrr

A colleague of mine used to refer to his wife as this, drove me crazy

OP posts:

JaneS · 12/04/2011 12:50

Well, usually I'd grrr too, but I quite enjoyed it in this instance ... I had visions of being some kind of shady matriarch figure controlling everything from behind tinted glass windows ... or something.

Camerondiazepam · 12/04/2011 12:52

'Er Indoors FAR less annoying than (grits teeth) "the wife".
Aaaaargh.

clam · 12/04/2011 13:03

Annoys me when I phone up to book the car in for a service or whatever and some guy on the phone says "do you know the registration at all love?" in a tone that implies that of course I won't because I'm just a girl.
I've been replying to that one a bit snippily over the years, saying "of course, why wouldn't I?" until a short while ago, after replacing my car, I had complete brain failure and couldn't remember the sodding number. I actually floundered around saying "I'm sure there's a c in it"

JaneS · 12/04/2011 13:06

I was asked what make my car was the other day ... I replied, brightly,
'I don't know, but it's red!'

The shame. I hadn't had my coffee that day, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Original poster

chicletteeth · 12/04/2011 13:08

LRD

So you're the reason these people seem to feel it's best to speak with "man of the house" then

OP posts:

JaneS · 12/04/2011 13:10

Yes, I took us a step back that day, didn't I? Mind you I do change my own tyres and do my own basic maintenance ... I'm honestly not a dippy woman about cars!

differentnameforthis · 12/04/2011 13:23

Referring to a married woman using her dh's initial is a very old fashioned thing.

Dh has an elderly aunt (late 80s) & wherever she sends me stuff, it is addressed to Mrs K Differentname. K being my dh's initial.

It used to bug me, but I realise she is just a very old fashioned women! It isn't weird, or wasn't, years ago!

Chulita · 12/04/2011 13:42

My DH opened the door a couple of months ago to a salesman who asked to 'see the man of the house' I didn't stop laughing for days!

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