...or is MIL?

[NewDKmum]

A couple of days ago MIL announced on a text that she really wanted to come and visit me, DH and DD's. MIL and FIL stayed with us for a week in March (we live in Switzerland at the moment, they live in Denmark).

I texted MIL back saying "Great, just let me know when...:-)". To which she replied "Soon! :-)".

Yesterday I texted back saying that DD's kindergarten would be closed two weeks after Easter, that DH had to work and that I had an assignment to write, so if she could fit it in any time in those two weeks that would be great.

She has just called me to say that she could come for 5 days in that period, but that she didn't know if that would be too expensive given the short period, but that I could have a think about it.

In other words stating that we should pay for her flight which is the first I have heard of it.

I feel really annoyed with her, but don't know if I should just pay up or tell her straight up how I feel...?

I think if she's doing loads of babysitting you could say "we would really appreciate your help as we'd need it that week. yes that is a lot of money, we wouldn't be able to pay that for such a short trip. if you really want to come and help us we could contribute £x to the cost" then offer what you're prepared to pay... that way you find out if she was expecting you to pay (i think she wasn't), if she was she'll realise you're not prepared to, if she accepts your offer then you look really kind and generous and you get some cheap baby sitting. The down side is that she may take you up on it and then set a precedent......

Sounds a bit bizarre to me - if she had set the dates when she wanted to come, would she still have expected you to pay for the flights?

Also sounds like she's a bit miffed that you effectively told her that she's welcome to come and see her DGDs but you and your DH won't really be around to see her much due to your own commitments. Perhaps she's hinting at her mild offendedness by suggesting that you should pay for her flights if the only reason you are happy to have her there is to help you out?

If you don't want to pay for her flights, tell her that if those dates aren't convenient to her, she should pick her own dates when she can make a longer stay so that she won't feel so hard done by having to pay for the flights.

Otherwise, if you pay for this time, it could set a precedent that you don't really want to continue with.

I guess if you spoke to her you know what she ment only why did she suggest a visit if she needed you to pay for it IYSWIM

When my MIL visits she evades any babysitting/time with the children (not that I'd ask her to) itemises every pint of milk she buys and gives us a bill at the end and takes my husband to the tube so that he can load up her oyster card once a week, she will seriously walk him there with the sole purpose of doing that!!

she's a cow

Gosh not1 why does he do that?