Maybe I have a precious parenting style or is this unacceptable

[SherlockMoans]

Neighbour can be heard shouting pretty much constantly loudly and unpleasantly at her very small children.

Today she obviously has another child there (hers are boys) child was whinging and I heard her shout "shut up you dirty bitch or I will take your pants off"

How abusive is verbal abuse considered in the scheme of things?

Im not saying I never shout at my children, they all push you there when they get older but really should you speak like this to a small child (even if whingey and argumentative)

is she a childminder? hope not

its never acceptable to talk to kids or anyone like that imo

I think you know the answer to this one

I would make a phonecall.

Have screamed and shouted in a horrible way which i need to control and feel awful about - but never swore or used bad language though don't know if it makes that much difference to a scared child.

OK its not just me then!

Phone call most definitely. Vile, vile thing to say.
If she's a child minder, I'd be inclined to let the Mum know somehow when she picked up her daughter.

Or to let whatever Mum know when they pick up whoever she has in there.....

fasted - none of us are perfect we have all shouted at some time but to me its the consistency of really unpleasant shouting.

One night I was actually woken up by her as her son was obviously upset about something and I heard her scream at him "I cant find it, its not fucking there"....to a toddler?

Dont think she child minds so its either a friends or her boyfriends child...she seems to have a nack for gathering unsavoury aquaintances!

Are you sure she said bitch? I would be furious (and extremely upset) if anyone called my daughter a bitch... including my own family.

I have shouted though. I wish I didn't get frustrated with the children, but from time to time I do.

Positive she said bitch...shes not a quiet girl (honestly its hard to believe that voice comes out of her)

I would ring ss.

She sounds vile.

Heard my old neighbour shouting at her little one 'I'm gong to fucking kill you'. She was a pregnant stressed out single mum so was wary of saying anything though did mention it to my HV. She did go on to be CM and knocked on my door one day to see if i needed her services - i said thanks but no. She didn't always shout like that though and was under a lot of pressure.

I think thats why ive cut her slack so far shes young, on her own with small children but I am concerned about whether this will harm them long term.

Boyfriends are coming and going now too and never look terribly savoury...v odd taste in men!!

Yup. Get onto social services. The b-word is the giveway. Can think of no circumstance under which its acceptable to call a child this word.

OP, i think you'd do better by maybe going round to this neighbour and seeing whether she needs a bit of support then pointing her in the right direction rather than discussing the comings and goings on here. i understand and agree it's nasty to hear an adult talking to a child like that, but her choice of man-friend is not the issue is it?

i think your neighbour is shouting so someone, other than the child, hears them.

send a metaphorical 'dove' round, tell her you've heard her raising her voice, talk about how kids can 'get to you' and then if she's receptive, maybe suggest talking to her HV about a Home-Start volunteer, or (if there are any left) a Sure-Start centre?

OP, you should know (if you come on MN regularly) that threads like this end up in a split between 'phone social services' and 'go and offer her the loving hand of kindness'. If she is as horrible as she sounds, your kind words will have no effect other than to point you out as a nosy neighbour and perhaps send a world of trouble your way (I'm thinking of the unpleasant men she is friendly with.) I'm all for helping your fellow woman but some people are just shits and a hug won't make a shred of difference to someone who calls a toddler a dirty bitch. Sorry if I sound awful but I don't really have any patience with child abuse, having said that I don't think a referral to social services will make any difference beyond adding to her file (cos I bet she already is known to them).

id just phone SS, she sounds like the type to eff and blind at you too OP

Beaker - I appreciate the thought but I really dont think she would be receptive to this, in an ideal world yes but I strongly suspect she would tell me to "fuck off"

reikizen I knew there would be a knee jerk phone ss and go give her loving assistance split but to be honest it has been much more measured.

I will chew on it a bit more

so if you've already made up your mind about her Sherlock YABU to clipe about her on MN

Not at all - I wondered if I were being precious about the quantity of shouting...if everyone had gone "nah I shout all the time" the I would have decided I was in the minority.

If I had made a decision about her then I would have just done something without coming here first. tbh I dont want to cause problems for someone who probably has enough already but the welfare of the children needs to be the first consideration

(hidden any way so wasting my breath)

Everyone has a bad day and shouts occasionally-however as adults you control what you shout and that isn't acceptable-even under pressure.