AIBU To keep it secret for another 6 weeks

[FleeBee]

I've recently found out that I'm pregnant with DC3, only very early and due beginning of December.

My DH has sworn me to secrecy, but I've told my parents who were visiting at the weekend. I've also told another neighbour, who looked after chicken poxed DC2 while I had a midwife clinic appointment. Oh, and my Zumba teacher!

I know the rule is to keep quiet until a first scan, and I've had the horrible situation of getting to a 13 week scan and being told the baby had died. I had told a million people and it was just awful having to go and break the news. I felt that if I'd kept it quiet then I wouldn't have had the bad news scan.

However, this time round, I'm tried sickly and would like understanding from friends/family and yes I am excited but know that bad things could happen to this pregnancy, but a friend of mine sadly lost her baby at 18 weeks so things can happen at any time.

I really don't know what to do, my instinct says TELL but I know why people think I should keep it quiet. I'm especially concerned about the forthcoming bank holidays, being with friends and trying not to puke, trying to be the life and soul whilst feeling drained and also getting round not drinking wine!!!

What are opinions??

I found it best only to tell people I felt would be supportive if i had mc or something wrong and had a termination. I was as sick as a dog and working full time, and kept it all quiet till 13 weeks (I only found out at 6 weeks). A couple of colleagues guessed, but were polite enough not to mention it till I announced it.

Flee - "I felt that if I'd kept it quiet then I wouldn't have had the bad news scan."

That's heartbreaking. I hope you know by now (in your heart as well as your head) that it was nothing to do with you telling people. Blaming yourself for a loss is perhaps somewhat natural, but it's misplaced. Please don't let that sort of thing eat at you.

As others have said, tell those you would want to know if something went wrong. The 13 week "rule" came about because it was a significant marker, a lot more pregnancies failed before that marker than after, and there used to be more of a stiff upper lip culture for dealing with loss. So not having people know was considered the best way to "protect" everyone. But we tend to have less formal and more open ways of dealing with feelings and loss now. So the "rule" is no longer as relevant. Deal with it in the way you think will work best for you.

I say do.what feels right.
I am 6 weeks pregnant but awaiting hospital appointment on Wednesday in which.I am.almost certain to have a termination suggested to me (two separate health problems and aged 38) I miscarriage 6 years ago (2 beautiful children aged 14 and 12 though).
Right now I feel permanently sick.and tired but feel unable to tell people due to.the likely outcome.
I understand the need to share. Congratulations BTW.

I told and had to un-tell .

I would tell again, but maybe not so many. I think you need the support if things go wrong. Even at work. And especially if you are having a difficult 1st trimester.

Keeping it private is what we did in that circumstance, only telling two or three close friends and family until some time in. Some couples don't tell anyone else until that stage, which is fine too.

Thanks for all the messages, and my thoughts are with those who have experienced losses.

I think on reflection, I'll keep it to my parents, and my neighbour. All have been sworn to secrecy.

The other side is not letting DC 1&2 find out too soon as I'm sure it will seem like a very long time to them.

suchprospects Thank you for your kind words
separated sorry to hear of your situation.