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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get married and put it all on a credit card?

39 replies

washnomore · 11/04/2011 08:33

MIL isn't well, and she isn't going to get better :(. DP and I have independently thought about getting married since we heard the news. But we're skint and any spare cash will have to go towards travelling up and down to see her and before long we will be replacing our ancient car.

AIBU to think that we can manage a small family wedding and a little evening party for under £1000 and still make it special and happy? And AIBU to think that in this instance it's justifiable debt?

OP posts:

LIZS · 11/04/2011 08:36

You could do it for even less if you hire a hall and ask people to bring a plate/bottle for a buffet. Sorry but wouldn't consider it worth a big debt though .

onceamai · 11/04/2011 08:38

Yes it is reasonable but only if getting married is really what you both want to do and not something to please MIL at this dreadful time. If you go ahead I hope you have the happiest of days knowing that getting married is about a binding promise with those you love and love you most and not an extravaganza based around a dress for bridezilla.

Ciske · 11/04/2011 08:38

It's justifiable debt if you know you can pay it off in a reasonable time without stretching yourself beyond what you're prepared to do. Can you make some calculations and decide what you can afford to pay off and for how long, and then use that as a budget?

I don't believe weddings have to be extravagant in order to be special and I'm sure you can have a lovely party with £1,000, or even less if need be. If everyone shows up in a good mood and has a few drinks/a bit of food, that's all you need for a memorable day.

Sorry to hear about your MIL. :(

Lavitabellissima · 11/04/2011 08:40

I think you can definitely do a small wedding for £1000 & make it very special, especially if you keep it small

Do you have any current debt?, do you have a good credit score?

Are you able to get a new credit card with a 0% for the first 9 months and pay it off in that time?

Sorry about your MIL [ sad]

Lavitabellissima · 11/04/2011 08:41

Kentmummy · 11/04/2011 08:41

Don't do it! Still paying for ours 2.5 years later!
Just do it in a registry office and have a select number of people and go for a meal afterwards... Everyone can pay for themselves. It will be special no matter what you do. Don't get into debt over it.I would totally understand if I went to a wedding and I had to pay for my own meal... If it's close friends and family they will know why they have to pay themselves and won't care as they were part of your special day... And if it's only a select few guests, they will be over the moon that they are special enough to get an invite.
Have a wonderful wedding whatever you choose to do.

moogster1a · 11/04/2011 08:41

oohh. You've just inspired me to put all our wedding stuff on the Tesco credit card and get loads of points. ( well, pay for the registry and meal for 15 as that's what we're doing ).
Even a meal for 15 we reckon is going to be well over £1000. There again we all drink like fish so mst of that will be wine! Then the only expense is the registry ( about £60, I'm not sure)

moogster1a · 11/04/2011 08:43

kentmummy iwas going to ask people to throw in some money for the meal rather than presents. Did no one object?

MarieFromStMoritz · 11/04/2011 08:44

I thought you were going to say it would be about GBP 20,000 and I planned to come on and give you a lecture about Compound Interest . However, GBP 1,000 isn't a great deal of money, particularly if you have no other debt (do you?). I would work out in advance how much you would pay off a month so that it doesn't get out of control.

Maybe you could go for a meal afterwards and ask everyone to pay for themselves? In the circumstances, I am sure they would understand.

And what about a wedding dress? Could you borrow one? What size are you?

Original poster

washnomore · 11/04/2011 09:02

I'm thinking 20 people max for a meal. DP has a close extended family. A hotel would do us a set menu for under £12 a head here. Then a wee knees up in the hotel, usually the room hire's free if enough gets spent at the bar. Plus registrar and a dress - no meringues, I'm a lardarse - from eBay or the sales.

To be honest we really can't afford the debt but neither do I think a muted occasion would be what MIL would want. She likes a party :) and I think it's important if we do this that we make it a happy occasion, obviously mixed emotions but I don't want it to be overtly hurry-up-and-get-hitched-for-MIL's-benefit IYSWIM.

OP posts:

MarieFromStMoritz · 11/04/2011 09:08

I would not think it unreasonable to ask people to pay for their own meal, in the circumstances.

Even on eBay dresses are very expensive. Would you consider borrowing one for the day?

BlooferLady · 11/04/2011 09:08

Van you ask for contributions towards the wedding as wedding gifts, enabling you to pay off the debt quicker? I know that this is frowned on by lots of people including me, but if your good friends knew why you were doing it, and that you were doing the best you could on a budget, I reckon people would be more than thrilled to contribute. After all you probably don't need toasters

As to diong it for under £1000 - I was in the park yesterday and someone had set up a gazebo and bunting under the blossom trees, with a long trestle table and chairs. Totally public park etc. It was obviously a really beautiful elegant outdoor meal and looked like something out of a film. I remember wishing I hadn't already got married back in 1934 so I could do it all again, just like that, and then when the sun went down retire to the nearest pub to get blotto. And ask a friend to make your wedding cake! (I did: four tiers of chocolate, oh yes).

It all sounds lovely and whatever you choose I hope it is a lovely day for you all.

BlooferLady · 11/04/2011 09:10

van can

d'oh!

ENormaSnob · 11/04/2011 09:14

Moogster, I would ask for cash unless it's exceptional circumstances.

ENormaSnob · 11/04/2011 09:15

I meant I wouldn't ask for cash

nethunsreject · 11/04/2011 09:17

In the circumstances, yanbu.

Get it paid off asap thouggh.

kaj32 · 11/04/2011 09:20

Wash, i have a size 16 mid calf empire line wedding dress from monsoon if you want to borrow it. Obviously only worn once! Also got shoes in size 6 and a nice wrap.

I think it's a lovely idea, my dh and i did a cheap small wedding and loved it :)

Original poster

washnomore · 11/04/2011 09:20

I'm in that camp too, hate cash requests at weddings, but I suppose it might be an idea. I don't see myself in a wedding dress. We've got two kids so white's out . I'd think of something. TBH if I just wore something other than jeans I think people would be pretty impressed. It is doable though, isn't it? I'm sure these crazy expensive weddings cost the earth cos of the invites and flowers and decorations etc, don't they? So a few phonecalls, a posy from the flower shop and a packet of balloons should be fine eh?

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 11/04/2011 09:21

I really think you can have a great day for not much money. People will understand the circumstances, so there'll be no raised eyebrows if you don't have favours/a piper/a six course meal/gold plated invitations etc etc etc.

Pull in favours from family and friends, and don't worry about catering to everyone's expectations. A buffet in a venue with a bar and somewhere for a disco would be great for most people, somewhere like a nice sports and social club.

Original poster

washnomore · 11/04/2011 09:23

kaj that is a lovely offer, how kind! I'm an 18 I'm afraid but if I have a successful starvation diet and we go for it I might take you up on it, empire line I reckon I could just about pull off! :)

OP posts:

fastedwina · 11/04/2011 09:25

One of the nicest weddings i went to had only 5 guests and then a meal out etc - it's the people who are there that count - not how big or how much you spend.

My friend's father was in a hospice dying - she had been living with her partner for a long time. She was a glamour puss who would have loved being a princess on her big day with all the trimmings. They rushed the wedding in 2 weeks, bought what they could get their hands on and had the wedding beside her fathers bed and he died a few days later. Makes many of the lavish big dos seem a bit crass in comparison.

BlooferLady · 11/04/2011 09:26

But Monsoon comes up big, and if it's empire line then goes to quite a full skirt then you're onto a winner

Original poster

washnomore · 11/04/2011 09:29

Thank heavens for Mumsnet, I've only been to 3 weddings in my life and the most recent one was when I was 13!

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 11/04/2011 09:30

Or you could hire a village hall/function room and ask people to bring a dish.

I don't like cash requests but wouldn't mind at all in your situation washnomore.

Why not start a thread in chat and ask for ideas? There was one a while ago with some great ideas on it.

lljkk · 11/04/2011 09:32

Check out Oxfam wedding dresses -- bargain prices for gorgeous barely used frocks.

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