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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay thru the nose for a holiday?

26 replies

poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 18:25

Holiday dilema.... my husband and my sister both turn 40 this year and we have decided on a combined 2 week holiday to celebrate them.

Thailand has been the destination of note, until yesterday, when Kenya took centre stage. I am eager to visit both, so not bothered about where we go.

The problem is... sister has a teacher's holiday for the month of August, so naturally wants to go then (which sits btwn both bdays so is fine)... BUT the costs double during that month... grrr!!! And we don't want to pay double for a holiday. We have no holiday date restrictions ourselves.

So what would you do? Compromise and have a week during her holiday and a week on your own (more cheaply) during non school holiday (and hurt her), or dig heels in and not go during school holidays at all... or do we just pay horrendous prices (and eat baked beans for the next few months), so we get our 2 weeks all together?

AIBU to compromise... half during school holiday/half during non school holiday... knowing she will be hurt we won't be together the whole 2 weeks?

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GiddyPickle · 10/04/2011 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyinthepie · 10/04/2011 18:36

Your sister never had any choice about when she could go on holiday, and you surely knew that. So, having already made the decision I think you should stick with it and put a smile on your face, as the alternative would hurt her feelings.

Silverstar2 · 10/04/2011 18:40

It is hard, as prices are extortionate during August - but she is teacher, you must have known this when you agreed?

An honest discussion is needed I would say.

Good luck, hope you can sort something out, it would be a shame not to celebrate!

Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 18:45

When we agreed to go together and start researching places and prices, we had no idea the costs would vary so very much.

We have often travelled together, and we have always compromised by staying in a family room so she doesn't have to pay the single supplement. So we knew we'd have to share a room with her for 2 weeks. But had no idea the costs would go from £2k to £4k during her (now) set holiday times.

I am not sure how to broach this even, as she will get upset and think she doesn't matter etc. And I DON'T want to upset her. But at the same time, we are trying to save and need to watch our funds.

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 18:47

This is our first holiday together since she has held this teaching post, so it's never come up.

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NinkyNonker · 10/04/2011 19:55

The others have said what I was going to, it really must have been obvious that as a teacher she would be restricted, so of course she is likely to be a bit perturbed. I would do a week together and a week separately if you really can't afford it. This will limit your destination though, so she may well tell you not to bother.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 20:05

Yes Ninky, what you suggest is what we are thinking of doing as a compromise. Her restriction does not bother us at all, we are willing to go when suits her, but had no idea at the cost implications when we said 'let's go together!'

We have had a difficult last couple of years health wise and have debt we need to pay off, so are watching the pennies big time.

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VivaLeBeaver · 10/04/2011 20:09

Could you not comprimise on location?

Or book it independently and therefore cheaper? Book a flight and then find cheap accommadation. Its been 10 years since I went to Thailand but I booked it myself and paid £5 a night and the price was the same all year.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 20:23

Viva, where was that??? Wow!

Thing is, my sister likes her comforts... eg: would never go camping, we do.

Plus we are keen to go to Kenya and Thailand before the end of next year (when we are moving abroad), and this will be an issue whenever we do end up going, as she will feel let down by us not going with her, no matter when we go. I do wish she had a partner or some close buddies she could go travelling with - she has loads of friends but isn't keen to travel with them. Likes travelling with us (why I do not know haha) Wink

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LilyBolero · 10/04/2011 20:28

Well, in your situation I would go somewhere cheaper tbh, and go during August. We have never ever spent 2k on a holiday, never mind 4k! And if you are watching pennies, it might be better to go somewhere cheaper anyway.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/04/2011 21:05

I went to Koh Samui, stayed in a bungalow complex called Wanna Samui. No idea if its still there or not but it was lovely. I stayed in the cheaper wooden bungalows but there were more expensive brick, air con bungalows - think theses were £11 a night.

I'm sure prices are more than 10 years ago but you don't have to go through a tour operator. Thailand is quite cheap, book it all yourself. Get a Lonely Planet and look for accomadation recommendations for where you want to go and get Googling.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 22:15

Lily, the £2k is for 2 people for 2 weeks, including all accomm and flights.

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 10/04/2011 22:18

Viva, thanks for that info, will look into it!

We are keen to book it ourself, yes! Far cheaper. Sister thinks differently.

Travelling with others is often such hard work. We do feel a certain obligation toward this sister as she is single and doesn't like travelling alone.

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LilyBolero · 10/04/2011 22:20

I know, I've still never paid that for a holiday! Even for our family, and we are 2 adults and 4 kids!

What I mean is, 2k isn't a 'budget' holiday if you are watching your pennies, and for me, I think I would prioritise being able to spend the time with your sister as agreed, rather than going to an expensive destination.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/04/2011 23:48

You sound like a good sister. I think as this holiday has already been discussed maybe there is a bit of an obligation this time but in the future I would invite her on your holidays on your terms.

When I was single I wouldn't have dreamt of tagging along with my brother and his wife - especially not if it meant they had to pay more. Even now I tend to holiday alone as DH hates holidays. So I either go on my own or I have in the past got to know people on TripAdvisor and met them out on holiday. I tend to find if you go on your own you meet loads of people, I went to Thailand on my own. Or there are tour operators such as Explore that do single travelelr holidays.

pingu2209 · 11/04/2011 00:41

Isn't August for both the destinations mentioned slap bang in rainy season? I wouldn't want to go then if I had all the money in the world.

KatieMiddleton · 11/04/2011 00:44

Your going away and sharing a room with your sister and your dh. Won't that rather cramp your style?

pingu2209 · 11/04/2011 00:49

Just Googled the rainy seasons:

Thailand's rainy season is June - October - it will be hot and wet - thunderstorms etc.

Kenya's rainy season is March - May and again October - December.

LDNmummy · 11/04/2011 00:53

The same way you are trying to be considerate is the same way your sister should be. Do what is best for you at the end of the day and try to compromise wherever you can. If it were me I would do the one week together with one week apart as a compromise, but only if I could afford it.

bubblecoral · 11/04/2011 02:40

You must have a very understanding husband if he is prepared to even consider sharing a room with his siter in law, on his birthday holiday, at a time that will cost you more, when it's not even the ideal season to go.

How does your dh feel about all this?

Original poster
poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:38

'LilyBolero I know, I've still never paid that for a holiday! Even for our family, and we are 2 adults and 4 kids!

What I mean is, 2k isn't a 'budget' holiday if you are watching your pennies, and for me, I think I would prioritise being able to spend the time with your sister as agreed, rather than going to an expensive destination.'

Oh I agree! It isn't a cheapy holiday, we are happy to do something less expensive, like staying in much cheaper accomm/even camp further afield, or stay local (although this will cost loads too). Buy sister doesn't camp or do cheap. She likes B&Bs/minimum 3 star hotels.

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:45

VivaLeBeaver You sound like a good sister. I think as this holiday has already been discussed maybe there is a bit of an obligation this time but in the future I would invite her on your holidays on your terms.

When I was single I wouldn't have dreamt of tagging along with my brother and his wife - especially not if it meant they had to pay more. Even now I tend to holiday alone as DH hates holidays. So I either go on my own or I have in the past got to know people on TripAdvisor and met them out on holiday. I tend to find if you go on your own you meet loads of people, I went to Thailand on my own. Or there are tour operators such as Explore that do single travelelr holidays.'

Aww thank you! I feel so often I am not good enough a sister, always try to make my sister happy etc. Her turning 40 is not going down well with her, what with her being single (and oldest of 6 siblings) and wanting marriage and kids etc... and me, as a married sister (who has been unable to have children with my husband after trying for many years), is taking the brunt of this... have been for years, but this year has been worse with this impending birthday. And I have to admit to feeling frustrated about having to tiptoe around her yet again, to ensure she is happy. She does play the single card a lot.

I have been okay with sharing a family room with her in the past... for 2/3 nights... but am not that keen to spend 14 days sharing! NO privacy for me and hubby at all. But I have a very caring and understanding DH and he says we will need to grin and bear it if need be.

She has been on a couple of holidays like you describe, but would rather travel with family.. and, as I am the only sibling in the country, it falls on us to holiday with her.

She will say she is so independent etc. but to us, she isn't always.

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:48

Thanks for the weather pingu, we hadn't even got that far to check it yet haha... that gives us a valid reason for not going with her during her school holiday, without us coming across all selfish to her... and then going when weather is better perhaps (and accom and flights are cheaper).

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:51

katie 'Your going away and sharing a room with your sister and your dh. Won't that rather cramp your style?'

We have often travelled with her like this before.. she always goes on about the single supplement being unfair for her. When she has arranged a B&B/hotel weekend away she will split it in 3 exactly, disregarding the single supplement altogether, even though she has her own room, and we have ours. In her eyes she is being penalised.

We just always seem to come off worse with her. We try our best as she is my sister and we love her dearly, but I do wish she thought of us for a change, not always how things affect her.

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Original poster
poopnscoop · 11/04/2011 11:56

LDNmummy The same way you are trying to be considerate is the same way your sister should be. Do what is best for you at the end of the day and try to compromise wherever you can. If it were me I would do the one week together with one week apart as a compromise, but only if I could afford it.

I agree with you, this is how it should be. But to her I am married and she needs to have extra consideration, being single. I am tired of feeling guilty for being (very happily!!!) married.... even though we have had our own probs (infertility/major ops and health issues)... but to her our probs aren't as important as hers, as we have each other for support. And she has no-one. My mum has been single for many years... and is happy and gets on with it, has a full life! I just wish my sister were more like her.

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