To want my kids to go and play in the sunshine

[slugz]

Dds aged 9 and 4, will not play unattended. We live on a carparking area that no-one else much uses apart from us, so they've got a large area of tarmac and 2 smaller areas of grass to play on. They've got a whole array of bikes, scooters, space hoppers, skipping ropes, bats and balls to play with. But you try to get them to play outside, they behave like it's a punishment.
We've had a very boring shopping trip in town this afternoon, and they were absolutely good as gold. 3 hours trailing around the shops looking for very specific plimsolls, not a problem.
Get home though and suggest that they play out for a bit and they grumpily oblige, reappearing every 5 mins to ask if they can come in. Now obviously today they could be tired from going round town, but this happens every time I try to get them outside.
If I let them inside they just sit down and ask for the tv/computer, which they know they're not allowed in the afternoon. I get irritated and tell them to 'just play' or they'll have to do jobs for me. They usually choose to do jobs, and end up folding laundry or something.
I spotted a little girl playing out round the corner today, doing dance routines, she is 6. So we invited her round to play. She was over the moon, since she's an only child, my kids were seemingly very excited. We got out all the outside toys, she started zooming round the carpark, jumping on and off stuff. Dd1 had snuck inside with a book within 10 minutes, dd2 invited her in to their bedroom. That's fine, but within about 10 minutes this girl said she wanted to go home because she wanted to play out side. Dd2 had been showing her every item of clothing she owned. I got my 2 to go outside with her again, but 5 mins later she went home because my 2 were just grumpily going through the motions.
Surely kids should want to go outside and run about like crazy?
I've just come out with the immortal 'JUST PLAY' again, and now they're sat on the floor in the lounge halfheartedly fiddling with the first thing they could find in the toy box. I've suggested to dd1 that she use the electronic set that she begged for christmas, been used about twice, she turned her nose up and carried on jabbing at the baby cash register.

Sorry, read you thread now. She's 10 I see.

It actually sounds like mine's worse than yours to be honest. Although she's only been able to read for 3 years I realise it started before then because she would just look at something like the argos catalogue for hours on end.

She does do clubs, dance and brownies, and enjoys them when she's there, but complains that it's wasting her reading time.

We have experimented, just to see if there was an end to how much she wanted to read, and wondered if lifting all restrictions and not making a thing of it would help. She read for 14 hours straight for 2 days running, including bringing books to the table, and attempting to read while getting dressed. So we now only let her read in proportions related to the other kids screen time. Unfortunately, we keep getting gumph from the school, asking us to encourage reading as much as possible, which she keeps waving at me as if I'm evil.

I'm aware she gets it from me, since I was a somewhat obsessive reader. I started earlier (18 months) and my mum used to tear her hair out getting me to stop. She would hide all my books and find me reading a phone book, BUT, I did enjoy other things, especially in company, which dd1 doesn't really.

I used to be the same with the reading too (minus the catalogue/phone book), less so now I've found MN

It gave me a good grounding in the subjects I was reading, and is brilliant escapism.

How is your DD at school? Or any other things on her mind? Because I know mine has a few probs with other DC at school and the reading helps her not think about it.

Doing great at school, considering her start point. She didn't really start talking properly till she was 5. She still struggles with maths but is coming on great and everyone says she's a model pupil.

She could easily be bullied since her social skills are so rubbish, but despite the fact that she can be very odd, all the other kids seem to love her. She just doesn't really get playing WITH them. They just seem to tolerate her rabbiting facts at them all the time with great humour. And she doesn't notice the odd time people laugh at her.

I just flip the switch in the fuse box so that their electronic stuff stops working and tell them they don't get any food until they've gone out to play for an hour.

Works a treat

OK I totally understand OP's position. I would find it weird that any child would not relish the opportunity to play outdoors especially so soon after winter. But these kids just seem to be made of different stuff.

They may never become athletes, may never go to festivals or climb mountains. However, if you take full advantage of their indoor lifestyle with books, more books, and then more books, teach them to play chess and backgammon, spending a lot of time learning musical instruments, engaging in the arts, learning IT skills, and of course, doing their homework, you might just have some Oxbridge scholars on your hands.

Always a silver lining.

I think I may have been that reading child.

I am more sociable now, honest. I'm talking to you aren't I? Not just reading and not replying. :)

Nothing helpful to add I'm afraid, but being told to "play" is not very helpful. Do you want to "play" with a 4 year old?

They don't like it why force it on them? I don't understand surely kids are meant to be happy. They feel it is a punishment, you should be happy they would rather be at home.

Im sick to death of parents who constantly tell their kids to go out, why? why should they have to leave their home?

If you want them out take them out somewhere nice not throw them onto some scabby car park.

Trillianastra - yes playing with a 4yo isn't great, but she won't play with kids her age either
Fabbychic - because it's my job to make her into a rounded person, and I think she'll be a very odd person if I leave her to it. And it's not a scabby car park, it happens to be the area directly outside my front door. Yes, cars park there (only ours at the mo) but it's a much better area than most have if they have their front grass and pavement. There are 2 grassy areas, plus next door don't mind them playing on their grass.
And if she wants to stay in, I want her to be capable of something other than reading or tv/computer, with or without her sis.

Sorry to ask but are you a lone parent?

No, but dh works a lot at the weekend. I'm assuming that's the focus of the question.

If not, then for further info, dh is not dd1's father, he died when she was 3.

My DD1 (9) can be a bit like this. She has NO interest in playing with any of the kids who live locally. But she plays for hours each day with DD2 (7). She has NO interest in cycling or any other outside game, other than the trampoline. The two of them have great make believe games, which they re-enact out on the trampoline on sunny days. If DD1 is not around, DD2 will play for hours with the other kids. But if DD1 is around, DD2 won't play with them either.

DD1 also loves reading - but mostly keeps it for night time, and she favours fiction. She flew throught the Harry Potter series. She has a few friends at school, but I've learned to invite them separately, as it has ended up that the friends will play with each other and she stays on the sidelines. 1 on 1, she is fine.

I just leave her to it. I think it is just her personality.

Slugz-sorry fir asking that and sorry for your loss. I only asked because there wAs no mention of your dh in any if your posts. Does he play outside with them? Do they enjoy other stuff like swimming? Bike riding?
Tbh i wouldn't expect two girls of such differing ages to play outside together. Why not play outside with them both and brung them in when you need to get on with stuff?

I was an obsessive reader as a child. Then I discovered boys, and I had a reason to hang round parks

Generally, I would still prefer to sit and read than do anything else, but I can't now because I have children / job / friends etc - I do still sometimes feel consious I have to make myself do things, because really, I would rather be reading. But I have a social life that suits me, and it really isn't a problem - just the way I am.

It's a bit odd IME, but what can you do? If they don't like playing out and it seems like you have tried pretty much everything,then let them stay in. Maybe your dd2 will become more independent when your dd1 hits the teenage years.

I'm assuming any sn have been ruled out, you say your dd was non-verbal until 5, so she must have been assessed.

My dd was desperate for independence (7yo) so I have let her play out with friends who keep knocking. She comes back 5 minutes later having done a tour round the block . I have explained that she can play out for as long as she likes as long as she doesn't cross any roads, think it may be because they are on bikes and she hates hers with a passion.

Unfortunately, seem to have got a little hung up on the outside question, which of course was my original question so my fault. I was frustrated because of the good weather. But one of the reasons I try to get them to play outside is because if I let them in they just hang around begging to watch tv or read. I let dd1 read for 5-6 hours a day, beyond that I insist that they DO something. So basically dd1 is loathe to do anything else and dd2 follows her lead. Of course most days I try to do things with them also.

Ironically, the one place that dd1 loves is the beach but that's the one place dd2 hates and she'll cling to me whinging.

Special needs is an interesting question. She attended sn playgroup as a young child, but as she's got older she's gradually caught up most of the children her age. She has a diagnosis of something she inherited from her father (in a minor way) which I think has turned out to be irrelevant. Unfortunately, it's turned into a complete red herring because if any sn is mentioned they immediately pin it to her diagnosis and think its to do with that, whereas I think she is more likely to be aspergers (unrelated).

Because educationally she's doing fantastic, and appears to be well liked at school, I'm not following it up because I can't think how intervention would help, and she seems to thrive best if thrown in with 'normal' kids. When I say she's doing great at school, I don't mean she's top of the class, she's still quite low achieving in a lot of areas, but she works extremely hard, behaves perfectly and appears to love it.

Actuall ds (14) was always useless at entertaining himself as well, but he would go out to play. I suspect that's why I've got the idea that playing outside is the solution to everything, but clearly not. He's a much more sociable creature.

Have you tried scavenger hunts? There are literally hundreds to be found if you google, my dd loves them and will happily run around for an hour or more looking for things. Instead of writing down the things she's found, or bringing them home, I give her my digital camera and she takes photos of them. Then she uploads the photos at home and makes a collage on the computer.

I hated playing outside as a child and spent my Summer holidays reading. My mum actually complained that i studied too much.

I think expecting to children of very different ages to play together is a bit unrealistic.

But the fact that they don't join in play with other children is more worrying. It may sound strange, but I wonder if they know how to play? It is actually a skill that children have to learn and the fact that your oldest DD may have aspergers could mean that it would be more difficult for her to learn this.

You teach children to play by playing with them and encouraging them to come up with what to do next - could for example be small things such as saying "okay we are on our bikes - lets pretend somebody/thing is chasing us. Who do you think could be chasing us?".